Log - Greed/Envy
What: Greed and Envy see each other after a week of separation. (The fight and ensuing separation occurred in a thread I'm too lazy too find >.>)
When: Um :| Yesterday? I think.
Why: Because Greed/Envy can't fight forever.
Rating: PG. There is no death :D
Envy was still warm from where Axel had been holding him. The homunculus had let him know that Greed was coming so Axel had left to give them some space. Now that Envy was waiting alone in his room in Hueco Mundo, he felt cold again. Axel had helped a considerable amount by sleeping with Envy in the bed and keeping him so warm that his blood warmed up much more quickly. It was easier to move again, too.
A part of Envy wished Axel had stayed. He and Greed hadn't seen each other for a week. They hadn't touched, kissed, or even been happy for a week. It wasn't like when Greed went away on business, because they weren't ever fighting then. This was different and after the post Greed had made where he had tried to direct all the fighting toward himself, Envy didn't know what to expect. So he sat on the bed and waited, tense and worried that Greed had either been joking, or that he'd come in swinging.
Greed was furious. Had been for the better part of a week and no matter what he said when he saw Envy again it would change noting. His husband quite simply didn't understand that there was problems at all, all he saw was anger and that Greed had 'left'. Greed honestly didn't know why he had expected things to go differently.
He had stalked Envy through his threads, his threats and when he couldn't follow he had worried. Anger didn't mean hate, and he didn't care if Envy didn't understand that part either. The space hadn't changed anything.
But Envy had been hurt, had thrown himself stupidly into a fight for whatever reason. Greed wasn't heartless no matter what he felt Envy might think. He wished he could be, but he wasn't.
He relaxed before he entered the room, it would do neither of them good if Envy thought he was still mad. "Hey, doll" He said quietly, somewhat awkwardly.
Envy started in surprise and he could feel his heartbeat picking up. There was Greed, looking just as perfect as he always did. And he probably didn't even understand how much Envy had missed him. The week had seemed like a year and it had been that century and a half where Greed had been sealed all over again. Envy hated feeling and being alone. There hadn't been an hour that entire week that he hadn't called Greed, begging him to come back.
Envy hated being reduced into such a weak little mess. It made him feel like a pathetic child. But that was what Greed did to him. It was really what Greed had always done to him, but back then Envy hadn't understood anything but hatred, so things had always ended differently.
The little homunculus didn't know what to think or do. Greed had refused to see him for a week and then suddenly he was right in front of him like he had been there all along. Every night that week Envy had woken up in the middle of sleep, expecting to find Greed next to him, and seeing no one. But now he was there and Envy couldn't let him leave again.
Envy shot off the bed using the speed from the feather and had his arms wrapped around Greed and his face pressed into his chest a second later.
Greed automatically wrapped his arms around him, surprised at the speed but not enough to say so. He rubbed his hand over Envy's back, trying to be soothing but not sure what to say.
It was probably the first time that his cell phone hadn't been ringing the entire week and he allowed a small, slightly guilty and yet faintly amused smile over Envy's shoulder. It was times like that though, when Envy showed he was more human than Envy would ever like to be. It had been one of the reasons he had fallen in love with him in the first place. That he had the capability for it.
Wasn't the only reason but it was one that made him hold him just a little tighter.
"How are you feeling?" He asked in a low tone, not sure just what Envy expected, or wanted from this. Greed just wanted to make sure he was okay, give him a reprieve. Maybe Envy would go ahead with his threat to hurt him. He doubted it.
There wasn't any reason to be worried. That was what Envy had told Axel. Envy was the one still standing and moving on his own without any wounds. Rukia was the one still flat on her weak ass.
"I'm fine now," he whispered. Now that Greed was there.
Envy had been so scared that he wouldn't ever see Greed again. It was something he'd been trying to put off until the fighting was over, but when left alone with his thoughts, he couldn't ignore the terrifying thought of being alone forever without Greed. But Greed hadn't left, even though he'd said he was going to. If this wasn't his goodbye then maybe he wasn't going to leave at all.
Having Axel with him had made him feel better than he had all week. But Axel wasn't Greed. It was Greed that Envy couldn't survive without, and he knew how weak that made him. Someone who could start wars and slaughter infants and women couldn't live without a man by his side. It was so stupid.
"Please stay."
"I'm not goin' anywhere" Greed replied and tried to keep the frustration out of his voice. Envy didn't understand. Greed didn't want to leave, he just didn't want -- He sighed.
He lifted a hand and stroked his fingers through Envy's hair "You really have to stay out of trouble, now, doll" He teased, though he meant what he said.
Hell, maybe it would just be easier to accept things wouldn't change and move on. He had tried and that's what counted. Keeping Envy from going on more suicidal missions was more important.
He kissed the top of Envy's head and just held him, relieved that Envy could stand and seemed otherwise alright. "It's not good for the stress levels"
Like hell Envy wasn't going to do anything else. Ichigo and the others would come for him eventually--he wasn't stupid enough to think otherwise. And when they did come, Envy wouldn't hide. He would fight and take down as many of them as he could, because the fewer who survived meant the fewer to go after Greed. And he wasn't going to let Ichigo get to Greed, even if it meant knocking Greed unconscious and hiding him away during the fight.
It felt like it had been ages since Greed had last touched him. Envy liked being touched. Hohenheim had never wanted anything to do with him. No one had. Not until Greed had come along.
Envy closed his eyes and pressed his cheek firmly to Greed's chest. He could hear Greed's familiar heartbeat and feel familiar muscles and he smelled just like Greed always did.
"I'm sorry." Envy hadn't ever been used to apologizing because he never had anything to be sorry for. Now it seemed like he'd used those two words more in the last year than any other word in his entire life. It was all he could say to try and fix things. "For whatever I did. I didn't know what I was doing. I just wanted . . . you to understand. But you got angry and left. I'm sorry."
Greed tensed. He wanted to tell Envy to save his apologise and just shut up and enjoy the moment. But he wasn't cruel when there was no need to be - he wasn't about to destroy his 'most human' description of their little inhuman family.
He forced himself to relax, to smile "It's alright. I'm back now. Not that I was ever really gone. Fuck, you're a hard person to stalk you know that babe?" He kept his words light hearted. No use making this more dramatic than it had to be.
He doubted Envy would keep himself out of trouble - Envy didn't know how, but he would make damn sure to be in the middle this time. Fighting Sugarpuff would be amusing if anything, and he had no interest in all the others. They would get over it.
Envy could feel the way Greed's muscles tightened and he didn't know why. If Greed had only been there for a few minutes and he was already getting angry, then Envy had to be doing something wrong, even if he didn't know what it was.
He felt like a stupid child who thought their parents would overlook an accidental mistake and let things be fine. Envy never knew how to fix things. He understood how to tear people apart and he understood how to put together ingredients to make a cake, and he even knew how to touch someone without breaking them. But he didn't understand how to fix things after a fight.
Envy backed away so that he could look up at Greed. It was easier to tell when someone was lying by looking at their eyes. "You're still angry, aren't you," he said sadly. "I said I was sorry and you're still angry at me."
Greed shook his head, determined "I'm not mad at you" He said so seriously, honestly "I'm mad at myself. For not being able to explain things. I forgive you, Envy, doll. It's okay. I'm not fucking mad at you" He grinned and reached out to pull Envy back into his arms.
"I'm just - dealing with some stuff on my own. Don't be upset, okay? We're gonna be okay"
They would. Because that's what Greed had promised almost a year ago, that's what he'd said and Greed kept his damn word.
Envy frowned as he let himself be pulled back into Greed's arms. He didn't believe what Greed said. He didn't believe that Greed wasn't mad at him for whatever he'd done to set Greed off. And if Greed was lying, they weren't going to be okay.
"Why aren't we as happy as we used to be?" he asked. "When we didn't love each other, we were happy. But now I love you and we're miserable. You're always unhappy with me."
It was why he told himself so many times that them pretending to be a happy, married family hadn't been a good idea. Homunculi were meant to be miserable. They shouldn't even have been able to love anything when they were born into a world that hated them.
Greed sighed "Because things are different, doll. We can be happy, it's just going to take time and don't tell me we don't have enough of that"
He drew Envy back so he could look at him properly "I explained to you, baby, I did. I'm not... I'm not unhappy with you." It wasn't a lie, exactly. He was firm when he spoke, he wasn't going to let Envy inject his little doubts into things.
He had pushed aside his own frustrations in order to be here, Envy wasn't allowed to bring them back up when he wasn't prepared or able to fix them yet. There was time for that.
"As long as you don't try to make me unadopt my son, we're fine. We can be fine. Do you think that's unfair of me to ask?" He was honestly curious and let no judgment colour his tone.
At the mention of Gaara, Envy twitched. The selfish asshole had refused to accept Envy as he was, and somehow that had been turned into Envy's fault. After Gaara had dated the person Envy had loved, and after he had broken two promises to him by replacing him as a best friend, somehow Gaara was still an innocent. Well you couldn't be a fucking innocent if you were dead, could you? It should have been Gaara's spine he ripped out, not Matt's. Compared to Gaara, Matt was a perfect human. And he would separate him from Greed even if he couldn't do it immediately. Gaara wasn't family, and he wasn't Greed's son.
Envy gazed up at Greed, unsure of how to answer. He couldn't lie. He hated lying to Greed. But if he told him the truth, then it would make things worse.
"I don't want to talk about him," he said instead.
Greed pressed his lips together and remained quiet for a long moment. He knew what Envy felt about Gaara - he was determined to not pick sides in that debate. He refused, he would refuse just like he had. He felt bad that his refusal to give up Gaara had caused a death that in turn sparked bigger things than anyone could really handle but he wasn't going to change his mind.
He knew what Envy wanted to say and closed his eyes.
"You might not want to talk about him, Envy, but saying that won't fix anything and you need to learn that"
When just a few minutes ago Envy had been relieved at Greed being there, and had felt as weak as a child, now he was furious. Out of all the homunculi he'd always had the worst temper--even worse than Wrath's. And when it exploded, everyone and everything around him died. Envy could feel it crawling through his body, trying to get out, and despite how hard he tried to curb it, it was of no use.
"I'm going to die," he said in a shaky voice as he tried to refrain from screaming, "and you come here to talk about that piece of shit human?" Envy jerked himself from Greed's hands and then swung one of his own for Greed's face. "I'M MORE IMPORTANT."
Greed refused to raise his shield. Whatever Envy wanted to throw at him he could -- Greed wouldn't stop him. He remained impassive, refused to make any sign that it had hurt. He wouldn't make this easier for Envy to do.
"No. I came here to make sure you were alright. You are not going to die" He kept his voice calm even though his own week long rage was burning him up. "You're being a fucking child, Envy. A child. Trying to get yourself killed isn't going to solve anything and if you're trying to wring out emotions in me by saying so well get the fuck over yourself. You know I care. I don't want you to die. This is not something to die over --" He cut himself off, breathed in and then kept quiet.
It hadn't worked the first time he tried to explain and it sure as hell wasn't going to work now.
Envy was shaking when he pulled his stinging hand away. It was mostly from anger, but partly because he'd been scared of what Greed's reaction would be. Greed could have broken his neck or torn his face off with one strike of a carbon-shielded hand.
If Greed really cared like he claimed to, he would have been with Envy from the start. But he'd kept himself away and if Rukia had somehow managed to pull something out of her ass big enough to destroy Envy completely, Greed wouldn't have been able to see him again. Because he wouldn't have cared.
"I love you," Envy tried to explain, voice growing tight with emotion. "You mean everything to me and I love you. I love you so much and it's so stupid of me because I'm supposed to hate you. But you don't ever see what you do to me. It's always you that hurts me the most and I want to hate you for it but I can't."
Greed was frozen. There was no fucking way Envy had just said that. He swallowed, throat tight. He refused to understand. Envy was selfish, self centered and Greed loved him despite it. He made excuses for him. He -- He smiled. Because he didn't know what else to do.
"You don't understand. But that's fine. I love you. I do" It was harder and harder to say the words no matter how much he still meant them. "It's always me? It's always me. Alright. If that's what it takes for this to be easier for you to swallow. Fine, Envy, fine"
He nodded "Alright. What else?"
Envy scowled and wanted to hit Greed again just for being stupid. "Stop acting like I'm a fucking child!" he snapped. "Don't sit here and agree with me so that I won't get angry because that pisses me off even more. Don't be a fucking coward. Be honest with me, Greed."
Envy didn't know why he'd expected Greed to understand. Greed never fucking understood. He'd always been more human than homunculus and that would be his fucking downfall.
To try to make him angry, Envy shoved him. "Tell me how much you hate me, Greed. Tell me how you can't wait to watch that hollow kill me again and again. Tell me you can't wait until I'm gone so that I won't be here to nag at you."
"THEN STOP BEING A FUCKING CHILD" He shouted, and then forced himself back. He wasn't supposed to get angry but the words were coming now and it was all he could to do not storm out and let Envy deal with it himself. He couldn't do that though -- Envy didn't believe it, but he couldn't.
"I was honest with you, Envy, I told you everything I've been thinking and feeling and you know what you fucking said? It was threats, baby, you threatened me. You went batshit. You went on and on about the things I apparently felt for you - just like you're fucking doing now. Saying things I've never said or given you reason to feel"
He refused to let Envy taunt him into fighting and just allowed himself to be shoved "No, I won't fucking tell you that, because I don't think it or feel it. I love you. I want you save. I don't want you gone. Get over yourself"
With a flinch Envy stepped back. He hated being yelled at. He hated it when people wouldn't fight him. Being violent was all he knew--things couldn't be settled with words. Envy wanted Greed to tear him apart so that Envy could do it back. He wasn't acting like a child. Envy wasn't a fucking child.
Envy dropped down onto the edge of the mattress and grabbed at his head in an effort to quiet his mind. He was so furious he couldn't even think. Maybe if he could just rip off his fucking head. . .
With a strangled cry he dug his nails into his scalp. "I don't know what you want from me," he whimpered. "I don't understand it. I don't know what to do. I want to go home and be happy with you. I don't want to fight anymore." It felt like his head was going to explode and he shut his eyes tightly. "I'm sick of fighting with you. I'm sick of hurting each other. I can't keep doing this. I don't want to keep doing this."
Greed breathed in deeply again and then said quietly "So we can go home and do that. I'm giving you the option. You just have to make sacrifices for it, just like I'm making sacrifices for it. That's how marriage works."
Though Greed really had no place to say how it worked, he had still been born and raised into a world where marriage was everything and divorce, separation simply wasn't an option -- even if his memories of such a time were distant at best.
"I want you to accept me for me. To not put ultimatums on me when what I want doesn't mesh with what you want. We can do that and still be happy, Envy"
They couldn't be happy with Gaara still around. The little bastard wouldn't be welcome to any holiday events and Greed would want him to be there. But the moment Gaara set foot inside their home, Envy would have him killed. That wasn't fucking happiness. That was Greed being a ridiculous idiot and not knowing right from wrong.
"I can't go home right now." It was stupid to even suggest it. "I have to stay here and wait for Ichigo. I have to kill him and the others. Home has to wait until this is over."
"No you don't. You don't have to fucking do anything." Greed growled "You could home with me right now without telling them where you are and have the damn arrancar deal with this. They'd be more than happy to, I fucking bet"
He wanted to break things but that could wait until later. Later was going home - most likely alone if the way Envy was reacting was anything to go by - and dealing with the stack of paperwork that waited for him. Dealing with the phone calls, the people -- the life he was keeping up to pay for his family, support them. The life he kept to keep him busy from wanting anything else the way he was created to be.
Envy was allowed to be envious all he wanted but Greed wasn't supposed to want or need anything else. He wanted to scream, to shout.
Instead he said quietly "I love you"
Ichigo and the others would just come for him at their home in Paris, but Envy didn't feel like explaining that. Greed would probably try to make up some other plan that Envy wouldn't agree to. Because Envy wanted to stay and fight. When Ichigo's hollow came, he would kill Envy for good. Envy wasn't stupid enough to think he could win against something like that. And if he died, he wouldn't have to keep hurting.
Envy's eyes burned and he reached out to grab the top of Greed's pants and pull him closer. He pressed his forehead to Greed's stomach and dug his fists into his own thighs.
"I'm sorry," he said again, and he meant it even if he didn't know exactly what he needed to apologize for. "I'm sorry that I keep upsetting you. I'm sorry I'm the reason we're so fucked up." Envy knew Greed couldn't deny that. It would be a lie to; Envy was the one taking medication and seeing a doctor. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry that I'm not like you." His throat was getting tight again and he tried to swallow. "I'm sorry that I'm a monster."
"We're both monsters, Envy" He said, and dropped to his knees to pull Envy closer. "We're both human, too. So stop fucking thinking like that. We make mistakes and do stupid things, stop fucking doing this"
He shook his head "You can't tell me you're not good enough. You don't have the fucking right. I wanted to marry you. I did marry you. Which means I think you're good enough so shut the hell up"
He sighed. He could explain again, he could tell Envy that apologizing and then getting mad when Greed tired to talk things out rationally didn't make a difference. That he could feel as sad as he wanted about it but it wouldn't fix things. But it wouldn't help any and Envy had already written of talking as a lost cause without even trying to listen.
"You could come home with me. You don't have to fight anyone"
Envy buried his face in Greed's neck where it was warm. He didn't want to be a monster anymore, but he didn't want to be a human, either. He wanted to be Envy.
"I'm not going home where they'll follow me and destroy everything," he mumbled. The beautiful castle that Greed had had built for him--they would destroy that.
He wished he could stay at home. Everything he loved was there and it was easier to see Kyon and his friends. At home he had his animals and his baking and his bed. Greed was there, too. So was Axel. But all of that would be gone if he hid there while waiting for Ichigo.
"Stay here with me until it's all over. The bed's big enough. The arrancar won't mind if you stay." Envy pressed closer to Greed, ready to latch onto him if he tried to leave. "I don't want to be without you anymore. Please."
Greed didn't even have to think about it. "If you need me to, I'll stay" He agreed and began to stroke his hair again. He wasn't going to let his own anger ruin his ability to comfort him. Nor was he going to break his fucking promise by not honouring his vows and doing his best to make Envy happy.
"I'll stay with you"
There was no telling when Ichigo would come, so it could mean that Envy would have a few days with Greed before it. There wouldn't be anything to distract Greed in Hueco Mundo. Envy would do whatever it took within that time to make his husband happy, even if it meant having to turn into a woman for him. Greed was never angry with women.
"I'll get better," Envy promised, sad that even after a century of being together, he still couldn't get anything right. "I'll try to make you happier. I want to stop fighting with you."
"You don't need to get better, I love you how you are" Greed sighed "You're looking at it wrong, you do make me happy. We can stop fighting, but people fight. It's not - it doesn't mean anything that we fight"
He was starting to sound like Dr Phil in his head and vowed to never watch daytime tv when he was fighting with Envy again. "It's healthy. Just, we're working on it and that's what fucking matters"
It didn't matter if he wasn't being completely honest. He had learned his lesson. Honesty was the bringer of destruction.
Envy wasn't sure that everything Greed was saying was right, but right then he didn't care much. What really mattered was that he finally had Greed back and that he was staying. And he would do whatever it took despite Greed saying he didn't need to get better. Envy knew that was a lie. He knew how many people he loved that he made miserable.
That was why Greed had stayed away for that long, miserable week, wasn't it? Envy had made him miserable.
Envy hesitated. "Why haven't you kissed me yet?"
Greed smiled and cupped Envy's face with his hands "Because you were talking stupid, it's rude" He leaned in and kissed him properly because he knew how Envy's doubts worked. He kept it short, pulled back to say quietly.
"This isn't going to be the end of us, okay?" He kissed Envy again, keeping him close.
Envy's hand squeezed over one of Greed's. He knew Greed was scared of being sealed again, and since Envy had his remains, he might have been lying to save his own skin. It hurt to think that he was being lied to and tricked like people often tried to do so he forced the fear out of his head. That wasn't something he wanted to think about, and especially not now when he had Greed back.
He kissed Greed deeply, having missed his kisses and the perfectly familiar press of lips to his own. Envy had missed every last bit of Greed so much that even now it made his heart ache.
"Let's go away when this is over," he suggested, staying close. He'd had enough distance from Greed to last him a while. "We can . . . go to Greece. We can use the villa there. Just the two of us and no one else."
Greed smiled again and nodded, stroking his knuckles over Envy's cheek "Alright, I promise. We'll go to Greece. Have a blast. We could go today, even."
It was a last ditch effort, no one would look for them in Greece - no one knew about the villa.
The shinigami could track him down easily. Envy gave Greed a sad smile. He didn't even understand that it was safer here where Ulquiorra and Grimmjow were to help.
"When this is over," Envy said again. "We'll go when we don't have anything to worry about. We can just be happy together there." After the fighting was done they could enjoy a little vacation without the fear of being attacked while asleep.
"Alright" Greed knew better than to push it again. He wished Envy wouldn't do rash things like killing random people. Especially random people who were apparently more loveable than puppies and candy floss and rainbows all rolled up together. Especially random people who attracted supernatural protectors.
Greed fancied that he felt a headache coming on. "Alright, we'll go then. That sounds perfect"
Envy desperately wanted to be happy with Greed again. They'd done it before. They could keep doing it. He took Greed's face in his hands and kissed him firmly. They could fix this. Envy was going to try as hard as he could to make everything right again. Even if Greed didn't believe that Envy could do it, he would try anyway.
Because Envy loved him.