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** WARNING! This post may or may not be long, depressing and boring. Thank you. **
For some reason, I found myself thinking a lot about mortality last night. Oh the things I think about when I can't sleep. Anyway, it's obvious that one day (hopefully not in the near future) I will die. One day, everyone I know will die somehow including you. It's not that I'm really afraid of death... I'm certainly not looking to die but I don't think about it a lot either. There's just something about death that seems kind of... well... lonely. Sometimes I wonder if it is worse to die, or whether it's harder to be one of the people left behind.
On a somewhat related tangent, I find nursing homes to be very depressing. There is something I think I'll remember for a very long time that happened when I was visiting my great grandfather once (he's 97 and still doing pretty well by the way.) There was a board there where there were postings of residents who had died recently. One picture in particular caught my eye, it was a picture of a woman... her name was Flora I think. In the picture attached to the notice of her death, Flora was sitting on a bed and she was smiling, but it was a very sad smile. It felt kind of like she was disappointed in how her life was going to end. After all, everyone knows that once you end up in a nursing home there's only one way you get out. I don't know it just seems like a very sad situation, you're not dead yet but it's like people are expecting you to die. I try to live in the present, but every so often I wonder what it will be like for me at the end. Will everyone I knew be gone? Maybe. I guess it just bothers me to know that the people who really make a difference in my life won't be there forever.
Anyways, if I depressed or upset anyone I apologize now, I just figured I'd put my thoughts down.
For some reason, I found myself thinking a lot about mortality last night. Oh the things I think about when I can't sleep. Anyway, it's obvious that one day (hopefully not in the near future) I will die. One day, everyone I know will die somehow including you. It's not that I'm really afraid of death... I'm certainly not looking to die but I don't think about it a lot either. There's just something about death that seems kind of... well... lonely. Sometimes I wonder if it is worse to die, or whether it's harder to be one of the people left behind.
On a somewhat related tangent, I find nursing homes to be very depressing. There is something I think I'll remember for a very long time that happened when I was visiting my great grandfather once (he's 97 and still doing pretty well by the way.) There was a board there where there were postings of residents who had died recently. One picture in particular caught my eye, it was a picture of a woman... her name was Flora I think. In the picture attached to the notice of her death, Flora was sitting on a bed and she was smiling, but it was a very sad smile. It felt kind of like she was disappointed in how her life was going to end. After all, everyone knows that once you end up in a nursing home there's only one way you get out. I don't know it just seems like a very sad situation, you're not dead yet but it's like people are expecting you to die. I try to live in the present, but every so often I wonder what it will be like for me at the end. Will everyone I knew be gone? Maybe. I guess it just bothers me to know that the people who really make a difference in my life won't be there forever.
Anyways, if I depressed or upset anyone I apologize now, I just figured I'd put my thoughts down.