The Sad Death of Private Johnson
Ed: Fuckin lazy ass bastard! Ed go kill the chimeras, Ed go depose nutjob religious leaders, Ed go put on the French maid's costume and spank me with a spatula and call me Sally.
SQUISSSSSSSSSSH
Ed: What the hell?
Ed: Gross! What is that, gum? Hey, Colonel Quickie, did you leave gum on the kitchen floor?
Roy: Uh, no. I don't chew gum, Ed, I only chew you.
Ed: Well I just stepped on something pink and squishy.
Roy: Noooooooooooooooooo, God, why me? Why don't you ever watch where you are putting those big clunky boots of yours?
Ed: Well, you shouldn't just leave your junk lying on the floor.
Roy: Don't just stand there, call an ambulance!!
Ed: What are they gonna do? Bring a bicycle pump and air it back up?
Roy singing: How can I live without you....
Ed: You big girl.
Roy: How will I please you now my stick-o-fun is flat?
Ed: You're actually assuming you were pleasing me before, but to answer your question I suppose you will go back to bumping my non-existant butthole with your non-existant junk.
Ed: Stop pouting, you big baby, the weird one made you a new appendage.
Roy: It's a bit, ummm, smaller...
Ed: I'm comfortable with the size.
Ed: Check this out, she made me one too...
Roy: Holy Kielbasa ! Why is yours bigger? Are you sure that's not supposed to be mine?
Ed: Nope, its got my name on it! Maybe she feels sorry for me having to put up with your smarmy ass calling me little all the time, bastard!
Roy: Trade you.
Ed: Do you have a Philosopher's Stone?
Roy: Uh, no.
Ed: Oooooooooh, no dice. Sorry. So now you have a little dick and I have a big dick, you know what this means?
Roy: I get to buy a hot red sports car?
Ed: I get to be the man now!
Roy: Uh you do realize that by the time enough blood passed into that thing for it to get hard, you would have long since passed out? Wait, that could work to my advantage...yes, Ed, you are the man!! heh heh heh
Ed: Have I told you lately how much I hate you?
EXTRA:
One small (who you callin small!!!) step for Ed, one giant leap for Edkind.
A/N - I put Roy's name into a porn name generator and I got Captain Quickie! hahaha This sucks! However, if you have better ideas for dialogue (I am tired of looking at it), submit them in the comments and I might use them to make this funnier. Its too hot to write porn, I can't even think of two sweaty bodies slappin together because when I do, my brain just shuts down...sigh.