It's incredible, how much I've changed
I decided to update my livejournal online so it looks better, prettier. I decided to look over the past few posts since August and it just amazes me how much I've changed in 8 months. Not only has my life really started to set itself in place, but I have become a much stronger woman. I've become something I've always wanted to be. I have an amazing relationship, and I love to do things for him, to cook, do his laundry, to buy him things, and in turn he really shows he loves me.
In fact here's where I'm going to start. Last Thursday Pat (my supervisor) offered me the chance to go to Turkey for 10 days this summer with a class. They need a chaparone, which is funny on why she asked me becuase the people in there will be twice my age... but they need a strong leader woman to go becuase there are a lot of women going on the trip. (by the way I feel bad because Shay offered and they denied her.. :-\) So anyways I told her I would think about it and give her a definitive answer on Monday (because I really wasn't sure if I wanted to leave Mike for 10 days... I know I'm such a sap!) and then the Dean calls me and pushes the issue... on my cellphone! :) I was like omg the Dean wants me to go! So I talked to Mikey about it and told him as much of the details as I knew and I told him that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. He tells me that I should because htat's the opportunity of a lifetime. So I told him that I wasn't sure if I wanted to because I would really really miss him and I dont know if I could do it (since the Vegas trip and everything was so... homesickening). He told me that if he was the only reason why I would say no then I have to say yes.
I feel so absolutely in love and loved by him that every now and then if I think about it too much, I start to have a few tears well up. I've never ever ever loved anyone half as much as I love him. I've never felt so loved by anyone, nor have I felt so supported. I love Mike so much, and I still wonder if he knows how much.
On the other hand, we had gone to a party where Randy was DJ'ing (it was at Stevie's house) and he was telling everyone about my trip to Turkey and that i wasn't sure if I would go.. but he didn't tell them the real reason why. He had a little too much to drink, actually danced with me (and it was amazing by the way... since he doesnt dance!) and ended up leaving me for a bit to talk to Tricia.. which by the way I don't think he realizes that I overheard a little bit of the convo (totally by accident I was just sitting there lol) and he told Tricia all the things about us, how comfortable he became so quickly with me, how I have stuff at his house, and how we sleep so close to each other. I'm pretty sure that it was all things that he loves, but I was like I can't listen, that's not right so I went back into the blaring "dancing" room.
I drove home, told him I would, and he asked me what was wrong, and I kept saying nothing it's stupid and he was like no tell me, so I told him that I was just a little jealous. He thought I meant Jealous of Stevie and his friends that were at the party that were girls... and that's not the case at all, I understand the relationship there... and I had to explain to him that it wasn't them, it's that they all have pieces of his past that I wish I had. I wish that I had found him sooner, that I had experienced so many things with him like they did, that I could have saved him from the devastation that his ex put him through. Everytime that I think about this it just makes me tear up, which is funny because I've never been that emotional over anything. He told me that it can't be changed and that the important thing is is that we are together now. And he's right, but dear God do I still wish.
I want to be with him forever, and I've never been so sure about something in my life. He's so good to me even though he picks on me a lot, and he loves me. In fact we argue (jokingly) about who loves who more... it's so cute. I pray that one day we will have our own family and our own adventure together. I couldn't live without him. I don't know how I survived without him for as long as I have.
I'm sorry about all the sappy shit, I'm sure none of you care to hear it, I just needed to get it out.
On the other hand, Mike keeps asking me what I want for my Birthday.. and frankly all I want is a card, a hug and a kiss in the morning and before I fall asleep, and for him to tell me that he loves me and won't ever let me go. That's all I want. Apparently that's not expensive enough for him... so if anyone has any ideas... please please let me know!
When I get more details on the Turkey trip, I will post them! :) Why can't I take him?! :(
I'm so sorry this is so long! :)
In fact here's where I'm going to start. Last Thursday Pat (my supervisor) offered me the chance to go to Turkey for 10 days this summer with a class. They need a chaparone, which is funny on why she asked me becuase the people in there will be twice my age... but they need a strong leader woman to go becuase there are a lot of women going on the trip. (by the way I feel bad because Shay offered and they denied her.. :-\) So anyways I told her I would think about it and give her a definitive answer on Monday (because I really wasn't sure if I wanted to leave Mike for 10 days... I know I'm such a sap!) and then the Dean calls me and pushes the issue... on my cellphone! :) I was like omg the Dean wants me to go! So I talked to Mikey about it and told him as much of the details as I knew and I told him that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. He tells me that I should because htat's the opportunity of a lifetime. So I told him that I wasn't sure if I wanted to because I would really really miss him and I dont know if I could do it (since the Vegas trip and everything was so... homesickening). He told me that if he was the only reason why I would say no then I have to say yes.
I feel so absolutely in love and loved by him that every now and then if I think about it too much, I start to have a few tears well up. I've never ever ever loved anyone half as much as I love him. I've never felt so loved by anyone, nor have I felt so supported. I love Mike so much, and I still wonder if he knows how much.
On the other hand, we had gone to a party where Randy was DJ'ing (it was at Stevie's house) and he was telling everyone about my trip to Turkey and that i wasn't sure if I would go.. but he didn't tell them the real reason why. He had a little too much to drink, actually danced with me (and it was amazing by the way... since he doesnt dance!) and ended up leaving me for a bit to talk to Tricia.. which by the way I don't think he realizes that I overheard a little bit of the convo (totally by accident I was just sitting there lol) and he told Tricia all the things about us, how comfortable he became so quickly with me, how I have stuff at his house, and how we sleep so close to each other. I'm pretty sure that it was all things that he loves, but I was like I can't listen, that's not right so I went back into the blaring "dancing" room.
I drove home, told him I would, and he asked me what was wrong, and I kept saying nothing it's stupid and he was like no tell me, so I told him that I was just a little jealous. He thought I meant Jealous of Stevie and his friends that were at the party that were girls... and that's not the case at all, I understand the relationship there... and I had to explain to him that it wasn't them, it's that they all have pieces of his past that I wish I had. I wish that I had found him sooner, that I had experienced so many things with him like they did, that I could have saved him from the devastation that his ex put him through. Everytime that I think about this it just makes me tear up, which is funny because I've never been that emotional over anything. He told me that it can't be changed and that the important thing is is that we are together now. And he's right, but dear God do I still wish.
I want to be with him forever, and I've never been so sure about something in my life. He's so good to me even though he picks on me a lot, and he loves me. In fact we argue (jokingly) about who loves who more... it's so cute. I pray that one day we will have our own family and our own adventure together. I couldn't live without him. I don't know how I survived without him for as long as I have.
I'm sorry about all the sappy shit, I'm sure none of you care to hear it, I just needed to get it out.
On the other hand, Mike keeps asking me what I want for my Birthday.. and frankly all I want is a card, a hug and a kiss in the morning and before I fall asleep, and for him to tell me that he loves me and won't ever let me go. That's all I want. Apparently that's not expensive enough for him... so if anyone has any ideas... please please let me know!
When I get more details on the Turkey trip, I will post them! :) Why can't I take him?! :(
I'm so sorry this is so long! :)