Mexico~
My dad just got back from Mexico. It seems like he had a lot of fun. He seems to be a happier person now, but I am sad that it is at the expense of their marriage. The divorce finally went through on the 9th, a day after my birthday. My mom wasn't too pleased with that, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. He brought back some stuff for me :)
This doll is handmade and only cost like, 6 bucks. It takes the woman half a day to make just one. It's beautiful. The Coke is all in Spanish~! And then a picture of my international girls~ So pretty~! Looks like a new collection beginning?? :o He also got me a birthday card, all in Spanish. I could barely understand it and he had to translate it for me (I'm sure his girlfriend had translated it for him and he passed it along XD His Spanish isn't THAT good yet :p ). I also have a Spanish Coffee Times and 56 pesos :p
My dad and I got to talking and I mentioned how I didn't get the job at Great-West Life and how I should try again. He said I should really look into college. I don't want to put myself in debt, though. Red River offers Librarian courses, which I, for some reason, am interested in. It's hard for me to look for a job right now because I am just so angry at everything. I hate people and I don't want to deal with them. This job has done nothing but confirm my dislike for the world and turned me into more of a recluse. I think what I am looking for in my next job is something more independent. something where I can just do my work and be responsible for my own mistakes. Although, at the same time I am very weak in that regard. If I get something wrong it depresses me, which causes me to make more mistakes which brings me down even more and it's just a constant spiral down. That's only happened a few times at Superstore, but it's enough for me to realize it is my biggest flaw. I think I work best independently, though. It's tough. I have to look into an office job and that's all so far away from my place. At least if I could get into Great-West Life I could carpool with my mom. Otherwise everything in my area is retail or fast food. There would be no difference in my happiness or my pay. I don't want to go back down to minimum wage for the same job :/ I've been stuck in this way of thinking for, I don't know, the past 2-3 years, I guess? That's the only reason I am now hitting the 5 year mark with Loblaw. I thought for sure I would be gone and doing something else after 1-2 years, like everyone else I have worked with. The main reason I was so against leaving was because, for the most part, I liked my co-workers. Yesterday I realized, I barely know anyone anymore. Only the old-timers are still there, but every other person I became somewhat-friends with has left. No one lasts more than 2 years :/ I just don't know what I want to do. The only things that really interest me is language and drawings, neither of which, at this stage, I can make a job out of. In fact, the one commission I had finally snagged fell through. My co-workers sister had asked someone else to do it and it turned out she is a professional artist. So, my services are no longer required. I am kind of relieved, as it seemed like a lot of work. She wanted a digital painting, like my Nino one, but the subject is older, with white hair and just, knowing what I am capable of I am sure it would have been difficult.. especially because I haven't digitally painted since then (2-3 years now?) and I am tremendously out of practice. I'm sad, too, because it would have been nice to say that I got a real commission, that someone has paid for my artwork, my art is wanted. Proof and experience for others who may want a commission.
Translating would be awesome, but I am nowhere near ready to have a job as a translator. I am only Japanese N4, maybe N3 if I'm lucky. I haven't taken the test, yet, but I know I am higher than N5. I have another few years before I can even begin to think about applying for anything. I'd have to move. There's nothing in Winnipeg. If I was French-English bilingual I would have an easier time, but I have grown to hate French. Vancouver has a way higher Japanese population and I might be able to find something there, but it is like, twice as expensive as living in Winnipeg. The only other option I can think of is trying to get hired at a manga/anime studio, like VIZ Media. If that's the case I would have to move to San Fransisco. My dad said that may not be the case, as it's just exchange of information. I may be able to do something with them online so I don't have to drastically move. I haven't gone any further down that road, though, because asking them right now is pointless. They aren't looking for translators at the moment and I have no proficiency. When I have some kind of degree/proof then I can talk to them. I feel it would be best to have something to back me up before asking.
So, I continue on, 22 years old, same job, same house, same life. No boyfriend, no love interest, getting fatter, losing friends. All which depresses me more. It's hard to do anything when you are weighed down by that. You lose love, interest, motivation, life. All you can do is vent, hoping that somehow, maybe, someone can help. Because inside you know that you can't do it alone. I'm too weak and timid to move forward. I am terrified and that stops me from ever really living. When friends tell me to 'get a life' it hurts even more. I agree this isn't the best life, staying in my room, dl'ing and watching foreign shows, a shut in. I never go out. It exhausts me. I am happy when I watch Arashi, though. Or any of my other favourite actors. The rest sucks, but going out isn't going to change anything, because I end up feeling worse about myself. I barely look in a mirror nowadays. When I dress up to go out and I think I look ok, I end up almost crying. Because when I am out and I see myself in a window or mirror, anything, and I think 'omg how could you think that looked ok? You are fat and ugly and it just looks horrible on you.' This voice just won't leave me alone. So i I stay in, and wallow.
Ok that's enough! If I keep going there''ll be another 2 paragraphs or so. I'm sure no one wants to read this. A lot of people I follow have been posting depressing posts and I am the same. So here's a picture of my supper yesterday! Domo-kun~
This doll is handmade and only cost like, 6 bucks. It takes the woman half a day to make just one. It's beautiful. The Coke is all in Spanish~! And then a picture of my international girls~ So pretty~! Looks like a new collection beginning?? :o He also got me a birthday card, all in Spanish. I could barely understand it and he had to translate it for me (I'm sure his girlfriend had translated it for him and he passed it along XD His Spanish isn't THAT good yet :p ). I also have a Spanish Coffee Times and 56 pesos :p
My dad and I got to talking and I mentioned how I didn't get the job at Great-West Life and how I should try again. He said I should really look into college. I don't want to put myself in debt, though. Red River offers Librarian courses, which I, for some reason, am interested in. It's hard for me to look for a job right now because I am just so angry at everything. I hate people and I don't want to deal with them. This job has done nothing but confirm my dislike for the world and turned me into more of a recluse. I think what I am looking for in my next job is something more independent. something where I can just do my work and be responsible for my own mistakes. Although, at the same time I am very weak in that regard. If I get something wrong it depresses me, which causes me to make more mistakes which brings me down even more and it's just a constant spiral down. That's only happened a few times at Superstore, but it's enough for me to realize it is my biggest flaw. I think I work best independently, though. It's tough. I have to look into an office job and that's all so far away from my place. At least if I could get into Great-West Life I could carpool with my mom. Otherwise everything in my area is retail or fast food. There would be no difference in my happiness or my pay. I don't want to go back down to minimum wage for the same job :/ I've been stuck in this way of thinking for, I don't know, the past 2-3 years, I guess? That's the only reason I am now hitting the 5 year mark with Loblaw. I thought for sure I would be gone and doing something else after 1-2 years, like everyone else I have worked with. The main reason I was so against leaving was because, for the most part, I liked my co-workers. Yesterday I realized, I barely know anyone anymore. Only the old-timers are still there, but every other person I became somewhat-friends with has left. No one lasts more than 2 years :/ I just don't know what I want to do. The only things that really interest me is language and drawings, neither of which, at this stage, I can make a job out of. In fact, the one commission I had finally snagged fell through. My co-workers sister had asked someone else to do it and it turned out she is a professional artist. So, my services are no longer required. I am kind of relieved, as it seemed like a lot of work. She wanted a digital painting, like my Nino one, but the subject is older, with white hair and just, knowing what I am capable of I am sure it would have been difficult.. especially because I haven't digitally painted since then (2-3 years now?) and I am tremendously out of practice. I'm sad, too, because it would have been nice to say that I got a real commission, that someone has paid for my artwork, my art is wanted. Proof and experience for others who may want a commission.
Translating would be awesome, but I am nowhere near ready to have a job as a translator. I am only Japanese N4, maybe N3 if I'm lucky. I haven't taken the test, yet, but I know I am higher than N5. I have another few years before I can even begin to think about applying for anything. I'd have to move. There's nothing in Winnipeg. If I was French-English bilingual I would have an easier time, but I have grown to hate French. Vancouver has a way higher Japanese population and I might be able to find something there, but it is like, twice as expensive as living in Winnipeg. The only other option I can think of is trying to get hired at a manga/anime studio, like VIZ Media. If that's the case I would have to move to San Fransisco. My dad said that may not be the case, as it's just exchange of information. I may be able to do something with them online so I don't have to drastically move. I haven't gone any further down that road, though, because asking them right now is pointless. They aren't looking for translators at the moment and I have no proficiency. When I have some kind of degree/proof then I can talk to them. I feel it would be best to have something to back me up before asking.
So, I continue on, 22 years old, same job, same house, same life. No boyfriend, no love interest, getting fatter, losing friends. All which depresses me more. It's hard to do anything when you are weighed down by that. You lose love, interest, motivation, life. All you can do is vent, hoping that somehow, maybe, someone can help. Because inside you know that you can't do it alone. I'm too weak and timid to move forward. I am terrified and that stops me from ever really living. When friends tell me to 'get a life' it hurts even more. I agree this isn't the best life, staying in my room, dl'ing and watching foreign shows, a shut in. I never go out. It exhausts me. I am happy when I watch Arashi, though. Or any of my other favourite actors. The rest sucks, but going out isn't going to change anything, because I end up feeling worse about myself. I barely look in a mirror nowadays. When I dress up to go out and I think I look ok, I end up almost crying. Because when I am out and I see myself in a window or mirror, anything, and I think 'omg how could you think that looked ok? You are fat and ugly and it just looks horrible on you.' This voice just won't leave me alone. So i I stay in, and wallow.
Ok that's enough! If I keep going there''ll be another 2 paragraphs or so. I'm sure no one wants to read this. A lot of people I follow have been posting depressing posts and I am the same. So here's a picture of my supper yesterday! Domo-kun~