I don't like this
Can't sleep and my mind is racing, so I figured I'd write an entry.
I'm trying to be optimistic, but it's just not working.
Another term of going through the motions and likely one to end up yet again in pathetic mediocrity.
The only thing I really accomplished last term was losing some weight. And it's not like that was much of an accomplishment. I just stopped being such a stoner, didn't drink as much, and exercised a bit more. And it's not like that got me very far. I know that in the grand scheme of things, my body size/shape is really insignificant, but if I'm killing myself with salads and workouts I'd like to know if it's going to lead to some progress or I'm just wasting my time. But even if that is the way to go, I'm not sure how much more I can take. I'm sick of having no energy, being spacey, and not being able to get stuff done. I guess if it means doing better this term, I'd rather be a fat kid. What the fuck do I care if all my family is concerned about is looks? I shouldn't let them bring me down. I need to just try to do well this term. Really put an effort forth. Work hard not to disengage and let myself go passively through the semester.
And here's something even more ridiculous - I'm all worried that Pete is going to start dating that Grace chick. Again, what the fuck do I care? It's not like he's shown any interest in me or that it's ever going to go anywhere. And who even knows what's going on with them? They're probably just friends and they're going to stay friends and I'm jumping to conclusions. But even if I'm right, I just shouldn't give a fuck. I need to get over this stupid crush and move on because i'll be out of here in 3 months. And why am I worried that Joey and I are becoming more than friends? If it happens, fine. See how things go. If it works out, fine. If it doesn't, I can move on. It's not like he's the last person I'll ever meet in my life. I just wish that I felt connected to something here. It'd be nice if I were studying something I'm passionate about. Then I'd likely be doing better in school because I always do well at things I'm interested in. And it'd take my mind off this superficial bullshit and other ridiculous middle school crap.
I'm trying to be optimistic, but it's just not working.
Another term of going through the motions and likely one to end up yet again in pathetic mediocrity.
The only thing I really accomplished last term was losing some weight. And it's not like that was much of an accomplishment. I just stopped being such a stoner, didn't drink as much, and exercised a bit more. And it's not like that got me very far. I know that in the grand scheme of things, my body size/shape is really insignificant, but if I'm killing myself with salads and workouts I'd like to know if it's going to lead to some progress or I'm just wasting my time. But even if that is the way to go, I'm not sure how much more I can take. I'm sick of having no energy, being spacey, and not being able to get stuff done. I guess if it means doing better this term, I'd rather be a fat kid. What the fuck do I care if all my family is concerned about is looks? I shouldn't let them bring me down. I need to just try to do well this term. Really put an effort forth. Work hard not to disengage and let myself go passively through the semester.
And here's something even more ridiculous - I'm all worried that Pete is going to start dating that Grace chick. Again, what the fuck do I care? It's not like he's shown any interest in me or that it's ever going to go anywhere. And who even knows what's going on with them? They're probably just friends and they're going to stay friends and I'm jumping to conclusions. But even if I'm right, I just shouldn't give a fuck. I need to get over this stupid crush and move on because i'll be out of here in 3 months. And why am I worried that Joey and I are becoming more than friends? If it happens, fine. See how things go. If it works out, fine. If it doesn't, I can move on. It's not like he's the last person I'll ever meet in my life. I just wish that I felt connected to something here. It'd be nice if I were studying something I'm passionate about. Then I'd likely be doing better in school because I always do well at things I'm interested in. And it'd take my mind off this superficial bullshit and other ridiculous middle school crap.