Oh my
So I'm never gonna look at church the same way again.
Went early on Thursday to practice with the band and get back into the motion of things. But small change of plans...I was gonna meet marvin there early..around 7 to talk. So yeah I asked him all those questions he asked me on sunday. He said he feels some chemistry but that he's gonna be honest...and that he is in love with some other girl there. So I was like ok. But then around 8 pm he's like "what are we gonna do for 30 minutes?" and im like "im thinking of something but no that would be a mistake." mind you...I was joking. But he insisted that I tell him so he finally figured out that I meant kissing. But I was so flustered with everything that was happening I needed to breathe. And with him there I couldn't think. So when I tried to leave, he stopped me. So I kept my face away from him because I knew what he was trying to do. And at one point he cornered me and we were silent for a second and I realized my hands were on his chest and he was staring at me, like hovering over me and casting a shadow and in a way...and I had no clue at that moment what it was that I wanted to do. So I keped fighting him and telling him things like "None of this should have ever happened. You should have never found out I liked you. No one should have opened their mouth. So get out of my way." But he wouldn't let me pass So he says "will you look at me?" and i go "no i can't.You can't do this...marvin." And he pushed me back a few feet and said "now will you look at me?" and when I did he kind of leaned foward to look at me. And then he asked me "Are you nervous or jsut nervous about being nervous?" and i go "no...maybe...yes? i dunno" and i laid down on the futon/couch thingy in the office because I couldn't stand anymore. and then he stood next to couch and leaned down and started talking to me but then he got an inch from mouth and I couldn't speak anymore. and I just went the other 10% and just kissed him. and surprisingly enough we made out but then i pushed him off me and told him "what are we doing? we can't do this. you don't even know what you want." And from there on we made a truce that we'd be normal friends and if it ever amounted to more than that when he's over that girl then it will. I just don't understand one thing still.
If he's in love with this other girl so much, why kiss me? I don't understand. And I never really will lol. So I guess it was ok. Took me 2 hours to actually get some sleep that night. My emotions were wired and I couldn't rest my mind from everything that happened. But now that its off my mind a bit more its time for me to head into work...ew.
Went early on Thursday to practice with the band and get back into the motion of things. But small change of plans...I was gonna meet marvin there early..around 7 to talk. So yeah I asked him all those questions he asked me on sunday. He said he feels some chemistry but that he's gonna be honest...and that he is in love with some other girl there. So I was like ok. But then around 8 pm he's like "what are we gonna do for 30 minutes?" and im like "im thinking of something but no that would be a mistake." mind you...I was joking. But he insisted that I tell him so he finally figured out that I meant kissing. But I was so flustered with everything that was happening I needed to breathe. And with him there I couldn't think. So when I tried to leave, he stopped me. So I kept my face away from him because I knew what he was trying to do. And at one point he cornered me and we were silent for a second and I realized my hands were on his chest and he was staring at me, like hovering over me and casting a shadow and in a way...and I had no clue at that moment what it was that I wanted to do. So I keped fighting him and telling him things like "None of this should have ever happened. You should have never found out I liked you. No one should have opened their mouth. So get out of my way." But he wouldn't let me pass So he says "will you look at me?" and i go "no i can't.You can't do this...marvin." And he pushed me back a few feet and said "now will you look at me?" and when I did he kind of leaned foward to look at me. And then he asked me "Are you nervous or jsut nervous about being nervous?" and i go "no...maybe...yes? i dunno" and i laid down on the futon/couch thingy in the office because I couldn't stand anymore. and then he stood next to couch and leaned down and started talking to me but then he got an inch from mouth and I couldn't speak anymore. and I just went the other 10% and just kissed him. and surprisingly enough we made out but then i pushed him off me and told him "what are we doing? we can't do this. you don't even know what you want." And from there on we made a truce that we'd be normal friends and if it ever amounted to more than that when he's over that girl then it will. I just don't understand one thing still.
If he's in love with this other girl so much, why kiss me? I don't understand. And I never really will lol. So I guess it was ok. Took me 2 hours to actually get some sleep that night. My emotions were wired and I couldn't rest my mind from everything that happened. But now that its off my mind a bit more its time for me to head into work...ew.