Calm Waters
For a long time I've used the euphemism "going with the flow" and my ideas around that to describe how I tend to go about life. There is no point fighting the "current" it's always best to work with what you have and even better is to push forward to "swim with the current".
For the last four years or so I've been in fast moving waters, gone through many rough sections and fought my way out of tides trying to take me under.
It's been pretty well smooth sailing for the last six months or so, with only little bumps or hiccups along the way. These bumps or hiccups were caused more by me pushing myself into them than by me being drifted into them.
It seems now like my pushes, my attempts to move forward are more of a hindrance than a help when it comes to the flow I am in now. My current life is calm water. I've never really seen the ocean but I imagine my life now as though I'm in a harbour protected by a break wall, and the ocean out beyond it.
Life is calm, there is no drama, things are financially taken care of and I'm not unhappy.
The thing is though, when I was out there in that ocean, the waves may have hit me hard at times but there were also times when I was riding high on them, the times that had the ability to make me miserable also brought me some of the happiest moments I have ever had. I don't miss the lows but I miss the highs and I've yet to really decide whether or not this calm life is worth the dreariness.
As I said, I'm not unhappy, and I certainly have 'happy' moments. What I have been missing is those moments of joy, the moments where absolutely everything seems right in the world. The thing about calm water is that you have to work really hard to get anywhere, when there is a tide it helps you get moving, at the risk of running into choppy water.
I have to work especially hard to go anywhere in these calm waters, and if I attempt to make for the break wall I start running into obstacles, choppier water which at this point is threatening now that I'm so used to the calm.
Sitting here looking out at the potential ocean of my life that is beautiful and horrifying all at the same time.
For the last four years or so I've been in fast moving waters, gone through many rough sections and fought my way out of tides trying to take me under.
It's been pretty well smooth sailing for the last six months or so, with only little bumps or hiccups along the way. These bumps or hiccups were caused more by me pushing myself into them than by me being drifted into them.
It seems now like my pushes, my attempts to move forward are more of a hindrance than a help when it comes to the flow I am in now. My current life is calm water. I've never really seen the ocean but I imagine my life now as though I'm in a harbour protected by a break wall, and the ocean out beyond it.
Life is calm, there is no drama, things are financially taken care of and I'm not unhappy.
The thing is though, when I was out there in that ocean, the waves may have hit me hard at times but there were also times when I was riding high on them, the times that had the ability to make me miserable also brought me some of the happiest moments I have ever had. I don't miss the lows but I miss the highs and I've yet to really decide whether or not this calm life is worth the dreariness.
As I said, I'm not unhappy, and I certainly have 'happy' moments. What I have been missing is those moments of joy, the moments where absolutely everything seems right in the world. The thing about calm water is that you have to work really hard to get anywhere, when there is a tide it helps you get moving, at the risk of running into choppy water.
I have to work especially hard to go anywhere in these calm waters, and if I attempt to make for the break wall I start running into obstacles, choppier water which at this point is threatening now that I'm so used to the calm.
Sitting here looking out at the potential ocean of my life that is beautiful and horrifying all at the same time.