Cranking
Another fun day of cranking. Clean clean clean clean clean the Mess Decks even when it's already clean. I have to "look busy" at all times. It sucks. The FSO is SDO so we're definately not going to get out early. Today is also Johns Birthday. He would have turned 39 today but unfortunately died a week before he turned 25. That's my next birthday. Being his age has really opened my eyes and I can now see him in a whole new way. I guess I finally understand him a little better now. The strange thing is I always viewed him as my big brother so now that I, the youngest, am about to surpass him in age it really hits hard how long he's been gone and how different life is now without him. How can I be his little sister when I'm older than him? He had one of those smiles that could light up a whole room and there was always an endless amount of kindness in his eyes when he wasn't troubled. He's at peace now. I can't be selfish and wish he was still here when he was schizophranic. He would be in and out of mental institutions and still in so much pain. This world was too much for him to handle and that's why he had to leave it. They say it wasn't suicide, that it was an accident, but he could have moved out of the way of that truck. He didn't. At the last minute he saw his salvation. His freedom from this world...............................