Writing Exercise 1: Introduce Yourself
Paranoid. I want to post all these things about myself but then the thought, "what about theft identity?" pops into my head. Hey, I just just shredded my bank statements with the paper shredder I bought from Goodwill before I plopped onto this lazy boy chair.
I will start out with what I usually tell people. I was born in Kansas. Paranoid side will leave out exactly what day and town but then again, I am sure no one has ever heard of it so I will omit that information. For a while, I was contemplating to just forget the Kansas info thing because I have been living in Southern California for almost 20 years of my life. I only lived in Kansas until I was ten years old, but then I decided to keep this tidbit of information because it is a big part of why I am who I am now. For one, I can tell people are confused when they get to know or meet me. Most people can't figure out my ethnicity and why the hell I don't typically fall under most Asian stereotypes (although, I am sure some will say I can't drive). Another is that living in Kansas for my first ten years of life has shaped a big part of my personality and habits.
I grew up in a small town. We had one mall that was one story. It's nothing like the malls in Southern California. I am talking snooze fest here. Most exciting store was a K-mart adjacent to it. My dad would take my brother, who is 2 years younger, and I to the arcade chain called Aladdin's Castle. I am not sure how famous the chain is, but I remember going to the Huntington Beach Mall in CA in the '80's, and there was a location there. Later on, Wal-mart came into town in the late '80's, and we would hang out there.
My dad worked for this beef company called National Beef. He supervised the cutting/slicing room. My mom was a cosmetologist and also worked for the elementary school that I attended as a Vietnamese/English translator. Most people are shocked to hear that there is a big community of Asians out there, but they were there to work at National Beef. I remember driving on the outskirts of town and seeing a lot of cows. The odor was very thick. I also remember the Purina Dog Food logo on the building next to my dad's work. Most people in town worked at National Beef. That was why my dad moved to Kansas from Hawaii. My parents met in Hawaii. They were refugees from the Vietnam War.
My mother was 24 year old when she had me. She spoke English better than most of the other Vietnamese moms. She claims it was all the television that she watched while being a recluse in a small town. She spoke English with my brother and me. My dad was always at work. He would work at 3pm until midnight so I rarely saw him. My mostly nonexistent ability of speaking Cantonese and Vietnamese is because of this. I am so tired of getting shit for why I can't speak these languages very well. I also get a lot of people assuming that I am Filipino. I have French ancestry from both mom and dad. My mother does not know her biological father. All she knows is that he is from Bombay. My mom gets the Filipino assumption too. It doesn't bother us but I think it is a reason why my mom, brother (doesn't look Vietnamese either), and I have never fit with other Vietnamese people. My dad looks more Chinese, but I don't think he has this issue. My mom always says that he is good looking for an Asian man. I'd rather not ponder this.
Growing up in the mid-west, there was just so much great fatty foods! Thus, is why I am not a skinny Asian nor is my brother or mother. We've all got weight issues except for my dad. I think my mom inherited bad eating habits from her mother who use to gorge on fatty foods in Vietnam, which is really weird because 99.99% of people who live in Vietnam are sticks. Don't know where Grandma got her eating habits. Maybe from her French side? Anyhow, I remember liking food in the elementary schools. When I moved to California, I realized how much food tasted better in Kansas. Many people know that I am currently vegetarian, but I used to love eating animals. Man, a meal was not a meal without a piece of some sort of animal on my plate. I would eat steaks all the time from my dad's work. I do remember the first time that I found out that a hamburger was a cow or the chicken nuggets was a chicken. I was appalled with the truth as a young kid, but then figured "Hey, it's dead. Why waste it?" I also remember the time when my dad set up some mice traps around the duplex. I cried when it killed one. I was a very empathetic kid.
I did very well in school. It probably was the smaller classes. My guess would probably be 15-20 kids per class versus the 30-40 kids per class in California? Maybe the slower pace of life? The strict rules of schools in Kansas? When I started 4th grade in California, I was shocked to learn that I could wear shorts, say God's name in vain without getting my name on the board, and no one knew what paddling a kid was (which is making the child grab his/her ankles and whacking his/her buttocks really hard 3 times). What?! Oh my god, I can say, "oh my god!"
I had exposure to music from my mom. She would often go to the public library and borrow vinyl records to record them onto cassettes from our blasting stereo system that our neighbors could hear from all the way down the street. I can remember Abba and Englebert Humperdinck songs prominently. We were always listening to the radio loudly.
In 1990, we moved to San Gabriel, California. The original plan was to go to Honolulu, Hawaii, but my mom figured room for advancement would be tough in Hawaii so we moved to California instead. My dad's brother had a short-lived garment company that my parents could work. My family moved into a house for a very few months with my relatives from my father's side: grandmother, two aunts, and teenage cousin at the time. I started fourth grade that year. It was just really awkward when I think about it now, but at the time was naive about it. I was the country bumpkin who didn't know what the hell L.A. Gear was even though I had it on my lime green t-shirt that one of my aunts bought for me on clearance. I was use to going to the thrift store in Kansas for clothes. My parents are very frugal and unmaterialistic. I didn't know clothing from thrift stores was second hand. I thought everyone shopped there. I didn't know name brands existed. I remember someone pointed out my shirt and my shoes. She said, "Your shoes are Pro-Wings. You got them from Payless." She did like my L.A. Gear shirt though. I just smiled and had no idea what she meant. This started my embarrassment about being poor when I later realized what she meant. I started going L.A. Gear crazy. I was embarrassed to be seen in a Payless shoe store. I was embarrassed about what my mom packed for my lunch. She use to buy generic food from the market. I was embarrassed by the car that my dad would pick my brother and me up from school. He likes jalopies. Actually, he still does!
During the summer after sixth grade, my parents found a house to buy in Santa Ana. It is diagonally across the street from my cousins' house. It had been repossessed so it was a good deal. I moved into a new area with mostly Vietnamese and Latin classmates. I later found out that we live in a bad neighborhood where everyone has bars on their windows. We made the mistake of leaving the front windows without bars, so someone broke into our house one day with my brother still sleeping in his room. Moving into a new school, I hung out with my older cousin because she was the only person I knew. She is white and Asian so she never fit in either. I didn't really know anyone else. I was friendly with everyone but kept to myself. Eighth grade comes, my cousin starts high school while I am still in Junior High. I mostly stick to my academics. I discover high fashion name brands from the "cool" Asian girls who always wear Armani jeans and swear that I will always wear wide legged pants with sandals for the rest of my life. I started getting into the the whole "Asian Pride" thing but then again, I never was close with those girls. I didn't really hang out with them outside of school. I talked to everyone. As long as they were nice, that was all that mattered. I liked grunge when it was not familiar with people I knew. I would listen to 92.3 the Beat, 106 Power, and KIIS FM.
When I started high school, my cousin was there but she and I had grown apart. She found this group of academic Asian girlfriends. It was hurtful considering my loyal nature was not being reciprocated. From that, I learned not to be so loyal and clingy. We did hang out for lunch for my freshman and sophomore year. I once again had to get to know new faces again because most people from my junior high went to other high schools. I was mostly a loner when without my cousins. I was too concerned with homework. I didn't hang out with people outside of school. I would go to school, go home, do homework while listening to the radio or while watching t.v. One day I got so sick of listening to the same songs on the radio. I switched the station to Y107 or KROQ. I had always dabbled in rock music because of MTV. Eventually, my cousin's younger sister joins us in high school. My cousins got into third wave ska and punk. I did too. Sort of.
No Doubt, Aquabats, the Hippos, and Home Grown were our favorite bands but yet I never bought any albums except for No Doubt's "Tragic Kingdom." I rarely bought music. I remember having all of the New Kids on the Block tapes when I lived in Kansas. I bought the Wallflower's and Eve 6's first albums while in high school. That was it for awhile. I was never inspired enough to buy music. Figured I could tape it off the radio. We also started going show crazy. It started off with going to the Old World in Huntington Beach to see MxPx, Jeffries' Fan Club, and Guttermouth. I even saw an early version of Maroon 5 sans the current frontman when they were called Kara's Flowers. I always liked the Cure and Depeche Mode. I figured I should go with what's good and still around. I started buying cassettes and CD's of music from the '80's. I went on this craze with Social Distortion. From there it went to the Stray Cats and whatever was Mike Ness' influences. While my cousins were into ska and punk, I wanted to get into rockabilly. I had always liked the 50's. I thought this would be a great way to rebel and be different. I embraced being different and not fitting in because I never did anyway. The thought of pissing people off over what I was into seemed awesome. I got over being embarrassed about stupid shit that does not matter. Everyone poops!
Eventually, the younger cousin and I were inseparable during my senior in high school and early years in college. We started getting into old school punk and rockabilly. Older cousin found a boyfriend and did her own thing. I became vegetarian after much resistance from my mom's urging. She became veggie cold turkey because she found a guru. I realized that I had not had any animal for one week. One week turned into a two week challenge. Turned into a month challenge. Then I just challenged myself to see how long I could stick with it. After much research, I felt very strongly about it and have stuck with it. Although, there are times when I wonder if I am wrong or if I should incorporate seafood when I look at a disappointing menu. I have never brought myself to eating seafood. For some reason, the smell bothers me. Animal flesh is very foreign. If it gets in my food by accident, I separate the texture in my mouth as though it were inedible.
Young cousin moves to San Francisco with boyfriend. After realizing that people who I put first, don't put me first, I realized that I shouldn't be putting them first anymore. I should put myself first. I love the thought of being loyal and having someone be equally loyal to me, but I know this is either non-existent or very rare. Now I know not to expect much from people. Just let them be and love them for their attributes. Not to expect the best, but expect the worst so I can't be disappointed. I mean how many times have I gotten excited over something to be disappointed. Now I just try not to expect, or expect the worst. This reflects my love life. I had a hard time remembering the word "compromise." Why? Because I don't have to. Ha ha. I have been single most of my life. For awhile, I was wondering when I would meet the "one." Now, I don't think about it as much because I realized that I am my "one". Or maybe it is because I have turned into the crazy cat lady. Who needs a romantic relationship with another human being when I've got 8 cats to squeeze the shit out of? One thing that my mom says that rattles in my head often when I am feeling lonely is "you are born alone, and you will die alone." Now you might be saying that is not true because a baby is with her mother and whoever else is around. Unless you have a twin, you are the only one having the experience of coming into this world by yourself. Even then, one of the twins has got to get out of there first. Even if you have a twin, mostly likely you will not die with your twin. I guess this makes me feel better and more secure about being a loner. On the other hand, I do embrace independence. By golly, if there is one reoccurring theme in life it's got to be balance.
If only the world could be black and white. It would make life so much more easier. No, it is gray scale. Balance, balance, balance! Yin and yang! I try to balance my masculine and feminism sides. Hopefully, I am not too off.
I will start out with what I usually tell people. I was born in Kansas. Paranoid side will leave out exactly what day and town but then again, I am sure no one has ever heard of it so I will omit that information. For a while, I was contemplating to just forget the Kansas info thing because I have been living in Southern California for almost 20 years of my life. I only lived in Kansas until I was ten years old, but then I decided to keep this tidbit of information because it is a big part of why I am who I am now. For one, I can tell people are confused when they get to know or meet me. Most people can't figure out my ethnicity and why the hell I don't typically fall under most Asian stereotypes (although, I am sure some will say I can't drive). Another is that living in Kansas for my first ten years of life has shaped a big part of my personality and habits.
I grew up in a small town. We had one mall that was one story. It's nothing like the malls in Southern California. I am talking snooze fest here. Most exciting store was a K-mart adjacent to it. My dad would take my brother, who is 2 years younger, and I to the arcade chain called Aladdin's Castle. I am not sure how famous the chain is, but I remember going to the Huntington Beach Mall in CA in the '80's, and there was a location there. Later on, Wal-mart came into town in the late '80's, and we would hang out there.
My dad worked for this beef company called National Beef. He supervised the cutting/slicing room. My mom was a cosmetologist and also worked for the elementary school that I attended as a Vietnamese/English translator. Most people are shocked to hear that there is a big community of Asians out there, but they were there to work at National Beef. I remember driving on the outskirts of town and seeing a lot of cows. The odor was very thick. I also remember the Purina Dog Food logo on the building next to my dad's work. Most people in town worked at National Beef. That was why my dad moved to Kansas from Hawaii. My parents met in Hawaii. They were refugees from the Vietnam War.
My mother was 24 year old when she had me. She spoke English better than most of the other Vietnamese moms. She claims it was all the television that she watched while being a recluse in a small town. She spoke English with my brother and me. My dad was always at work. He would work at 3pm until midnight so I rarely saw him. My mostly nonexistent ability of speaking Cantonese and Vietnamese is because of this. I am so tired of getting shit for why I can't speak these languages very well. I also get a lot of people assuming that I am Filipino. I have French ancestry from both mom and dad. My mother does not know her biological father. All she knows is that he is from Bombay. My mom gets the Filipino assumption too. It doesn't bother us but I think it is a reason why my mom, brother (doesn't look Vietnamese either), and I have never fit with other Vietnamese people. My dad looks more Chinese, but I don't think he has this issue. My mom always says that he is good looking for an Asian man. I'd rather not ponder this.
Growing up in the mid-west, there was just so much great fatty foods! Thus, is why I am not a skinny Asian nor is my brother or mother. We've all got weight issues except for my dad. I think my mom inherited bad eating habits from her mother who use to gorge on fatty foods in Vietnam, which is really weird because 99.99% of people who live in Vietnam are sticks. Don't know where Grandma got her eating habits. Maybe from her French side? Anyhow, I remember liking food in the elementary schools. When I moved to California, I realized how much food tasted better in Kansas. Many people know that I am currently vegetarian, but I used to love eating animals. Man, a meal was not a meal without a piece of some sort of animal on my plate. I would eat steaks all the time from my dad's work. I do remember the first time that I found out that a hamburger was a cow or the chicken nuggets was a chicken. I was appalled with the truth as a young kid, but then figured "Hey, it's dead. Why waste it?" I also remember the time when my dad set up some mice traps around the duplex. I cried when it killed one. I was a very empathetic kid.
I did very well in school. It probably was the smaller classes. My guess would probably be 15-20 kids per class versus the 30-40 kids per class in California? Maybe the slower pace of life? The strict rules of schools in Kansas? When I started 4th grade in California, I was shocked to learn that I could wear shorts, say God's name in vain without getting my name on the board, and no one knew what paddling a kid was (which is making the child grab his/her ankles and whacking his/her buttocks really hard 3 times). What?! Oh my god, I can say, "oh my god!"
I had exposure to music from my mom. She would often go to the public library and borrow vinyl records to record them onto cassettes from our blasting stereo system that our neighbors could hear from all the way down the street. I can remember Abba and Englebert Humperdinck songs prominently. We were always listening to the radio loudly.
In 1990, we moved to San Gabriel, California. The original plan was to go to Honolulu, Hawaii, but my mom figured room for advancement would be tough in Hawaii so we moved to California instead. My dad's brother had a short-lived garment company that my parents could work. My family moved into a house for a very few months with my relatives from my father's side: grandmother, two aunts, and teenage cousin at the time. I started fourth grade that year. It was just really awkward when I think about it now, but at the time was naive about it. I was the country bumpkin who didn't know what the hell L.A. Gear was even though I had it on my lime green t-shirt that one of my aunts bought for me on clearance. I was use to going to the thrift store in Kansas for clothes. My parents are very frugal and unmaterialistic. I didn't know clothing from thrift stores was second hand. I thought everyone shopped there. I didn't know name brands existed. I remember someone pointed out my shirt and my shoes. She said, "Your shoes are Pro-Wings. You got them from Payless." She did like my L.A. Gear shirt though. I just smiled and had no idea what she meant. This started my embarrassment about being poor when I later realized what she meant. I started going L.A. Gear crazy. I was embarrassed to be seen in a Payless shoe store. I was embarrassed about what my mom packed for my lunch. She use to buy generic food from the market. I was embarrassed by the car that my dad would pick my brother and me up from school. He likes jalopies. Actually, he still does!
During the summer after sixth grade, my parents found a house to buy in Santa Ana. It is diagonally across the street from my cousins' house. It had been repossessed so it was a good deal. I moved into a new area with mostly Vietnamese and Latin classmates. I later found out that we live in a bad neighborhood where everyone has bars on their windows. We made the mistake of leaving the front windows without bars, so someone broke into our house one day with my brother still sleeping in his room. Moving into a new school, I hung out with my older cousin because she was the only person I knew. She is white and Asian so she never fit in either. I didn't really know anyone else. I was friendly with everyone but kept to myself. Eighth grade comes, my cousin starts high school while I am still in Junior High. I mostly stick to my academics. I discover high fashion name brands from the "cool" Asian girls who always wear Armani jeans and swear that I will always wear wide legged pants with sandals for the rest of my life. I started getting into the the whole "Asian Pride" thing but then again, I never was close with those girls. I didn't really hang out with them outside of school. I talked to everyone. As long as they were nice, that was all that mattered. I liked grunge when it was not familiar with people I knew. I would listen to 92.3 the Beat, 106 Power, and KIIS FM.
When I started high school, my cousin was there but she and I had grown apart. She found this group of academic Asian girlfriends. It was hurtful considering my loyal nature was not being reciprocated. From that, I learned not to be so loyal and clingy. We did hang out for lunch for my freshman and sophomore year. I once again had to get to know new faces again because most people from my junior high went to other high schools. I was mostly a loner when without my cousins. I was too concerned with homework. I didn't hang out with people outside of school. I would go to school, go home, do homework while listening to the radio or while watching t.v. One day I got so sick of listening to the same songs on the radio. I switched the station to Y107 or KROQ. I had always dabbled in rock music because of MTV. Eventually, my cousin's younger sister joins us in high school. My cousins got into third wave ska and punk. I did too. Sort of.
No Doubt, Aquabats, the Hippos, and Home Grown were our favorite bands but yet I never bought any albums except for No Doubt's "Tragic Kingdom." I rarely bought music. I remember having all of the New Kids on the Block tapes when I lived in Kansas. I bought the Wallflower's and Eve 6's first albums while in high school. That was it for awhile. I was never inspired enough to buy music. Figured I could tape it off the radio. We also started going show crazy. It started off with going to the Old World in Huntington Beach to see MxPx, Jeffries' Fan Club, and Guttermouth. I even saw an early version of Maroon 5 sans the current frontman when they were called Kara's Flowers. I always liked the Cure and Depeche Mode. I figured I should go with what's good and still around. I started buying cassettes and CD's of music from the '80's. I went on this craze with Social Distortion. From there it went to the Stray Cats and whatever was Mike Ness' influences. While my cousins were into ska and punk, I wanted to get into rockabilly. I had always liked the 50's. I thought this would be a great way to rebel and be different. I embraced being different and not fitting in because I never did anyway. The thought of pissing people off over what I was into seemed awesome. I got over being embarrassed about stupid shit that does not matter. Everyone poops!
Eventually, the younger cousin and I were inseparable during my senior in high school and early years in college. We started getting into old school punk and rockabilly. Older cousin found a boyfriend and did her own thing. I became vegetarian after much resistance from my mom's urging. She became veggie cold turkey because she found a guru. I realized that I had not had any animal for one week. One week turned into a two week challenge. Turned into a month challenge. Then I just challenged myself to see how long I could stick with it. After much research, I felt very strongly about it and have stuck with it. Although, there are times when I wonder if I am wrong or if I should incorporate seafood when I look at a disappointing menu. I have never brought myself to eating seafood. For some reason, the smell bothers me. Animal flesh is very foreign. If it gets in my food by accident, I separate the texture in my mouth as though it were inedible.
Young cousin moves to San Francisco with boyfriend. After realizing that people who I put first, don't put me first, I realized that I shouldn't be putting them first anymore. I should put myself first. I love the thought of being loyal and having someone be equally loyal to me, but I know this is either non-existent or very rare. Now I know not to expect much from people. Just let them be and love them for their attributes. Not to expect the best, but expect the worst so I can't be disappointed. I mean how many times have I gotten excited over something to be disappointed. Now I just try not to expect, or expect the worst. This reflects my love life. I had a hard time remembering the word "compromise." Why? Because I don't have to. Ha ha. I have been single most of my life. For awhile, I was wondering when I would meet the "one." Now, I don't think about it as much because I realized that I am my "one". Or maybe it is because I have turned into the crazy cat lady. Who needs a romantic relationship with another human being when I've got 8 cats to squeeze the shit out of? One thing that my mom says that rattles in my head often when I am feeling lonely is "you are born alone, and you will die alone." Now you might be saying that is not true because a baby is with her mother and whoever else is around. Unless you have a twin, you are the only one having the experience of coming into this world by yourself. Even then, one of the twins has got to get out of there first. Even if you have a twin, mostly likely you will not die with your twin. I guess this makes me feel better and more secure about being a loner. On the other hand, I do embrace independence. By golly, if there is one reoccurring theme in life it's got to be balance.
If only the world could be black and white. It would make life so much more easier. No, it is gray scale. Balance, balance, balance! Yin and yang! I try to balance my masculine and feminism sides. Hopefully, I am not too off.