End of a Chapter
Since Jess and I decided to revive Pagan Society sophomore year, it has been a huge part of my life - arguably the extracurricular activity closest to the center (with Orchestra as a very close second). That club couldn't have been half of what it was without the dedication of Jess (04-05) and Nikki (05-06), and to both of them I am extremely grateful. This year has also been quite good - last semester, at least. And for that I must acknowledge the work and sassy charm of our new president, Melanie.
But the dwindling numbers and many meetings that were ultimately non-club-related hang-out sessions cannot be ignored. The fact that we have gone a whole month without meeting (and I've found that to be a relief, especially with all my other interests) can't be ignored, and the fact that I'm graduating in May cannot be ignored. For 2.5 years I have been the soul of this club and as frustrating as it can be at times that has been a labor of love. Love for its mission. And love for its members - including the potential ones.
I spent most of the day depressed because of a meeting to discuss an event very similar to one we have discussed in Pagan Society. This event is hosted mainly by Spirituality House and will be the collaboration of multiple clubs. I'm supposed to be at the planning meeting right now, but during dinner I decided I was feeling too depressed to attend. And besides, I can't be the club. We need to get our act together as a group before anyone can represent that group. I can't make any commitments for that group unless I know there will be other members willing and able to back me up.
So, I've finally made a decision that was going to be made for me anyway, come May, and that is very difficult. It is time to move on. I have made a lounge reservation request for next Wednesday (2/28) 7-9pm and will send out an email to the mailing list as soon as I receive confirmation that the lounge has been successfully reserved. My plan is to show up at 7 and see who else does the same. Whoever does will be the new leadership of the club; I'll give/tell them everything they need (to know) to keep it alive next year. We can talk about what we want to do this semester and take steps toward making it happen. My last self-directed responsibility toward the club will be to come to the meeting with ideas, materials, and information. Once the meeting begins, it will be up to everyone else to do something with those things. I'll happily help where I can, but I can't do everything myself.
And if no one shows up? I've come to accept that this is a real possibility, and if it does happen there's nothing I can do about it. There's no point to me struggling alone to maintain something that's already run its course. I have my faith, my knowledge, and my memories. I don't need the club anymore. It's up to the current and future students to decide whether they need it; if they do I'll be glad to help out where I can.
If they don't, I can finally move on, content that I have contributed what I can to this community. No more stressing over responsibilities to an entity that doesn't even exist outside my head. It's bad enough when the entity does exist, believe me. I don't need to be creating more stress for myself. This is my last semester, and I want to enjoy it as much as I possibly can.
So here's to Samhain, silly questions, tabling, walks through the woods, spiders, children's songs, deer chasing each other through the forest on a fine autumn afternoon, the Maypole dance, the rituals we held, the pumpkins we painted, henna, palm reading, joy, love, the Yule log, everyone who made those things possible, and all the people who came by to quietly read our signs or eat our food. It's been really awesome. It is with love that I leave this things -and more! - to the current and future students here at Drew.
But the dwindling numbers and many meetings that were ultimately non-club-related hang-out sessions cannot be ignored. The fact that we have gone a whole month without meeting (and I've found that to be a relief, especially with all my other interests) can't be ignored, and the fact that I'm graduating in May cannot be ignored. For 2.5 years I have been the soul of this club and as frustrating as it can be at times that has been a labor of love. Love for its mission. And love for its members - including the potential ones.
I spent most of the day depressed because of a meeting to discuss an event very similar to one we have discussed in Pagan Society. This event is hosted mainly by Spirituality House and will be the collaboration of multiple clubs. I'm supposed to be at the planning meeting right now, but during dinner I decided I was feeling too depressed to attend. And besides, I can't be the club. We need to get our act together as a group before anyone can represent that group. I can't make any commitments for that group unless I know there will be other members willing and able to back me up.
So, I've finally made a decision that was going to be made for me anyway, come May, and that is very difficult. It is time to move on. I have made a lounge reservation request for next Wednesday (2/28) 7-9pm and will send out an email to the mailing list as soon as I receive confirmation that the lounge has been successfully reserved. My plan is to show up at 7 and see who else does the same. Whoever does will be the new leadership of the club; I'll give/tell them everything they need (to know) to keep it alive next year. We can talk about what we want to do this semester and take steps toward making it happen. My last self-directed responsibility toward the club will be to come to the meeting with ideas, materials, and information. Once the meeting begins, it will be up to everyone else to do something with those things. I'll happily help where I can, but I can't do everything myself.
And if no one shows up? I've come to accept that this is a real possibility, and if it does happen there's nothing I can do about it. There's no point to me struggling alone to maintain something that's already run its course. I have my faith, my knowledge, and my memories. I don't need the club anymore. It's up to the current and future students to decide whether they need it; if they do I'll be glad to help out where I can.
If they don't, I can finally move on, content that I have contributed what I can to this community. No more stressing over responsibilities to an entity that doesn't even exist outside my head. It's bad enough when the entity does exist, believe me. I don't need to be creating more stress for myself. This is my last semester, and I want to enjoy it as much as I possibly can.
So here's to Samhain, silly questions, tabling, walks through the woods, spiders, children's songs, deer chasing each other through the forest on a fine autumn afternoon, the Maypole dance, the rituals we held, the pumpkins we painted, henna, palm reading, joy, love, the Yule log, everyone who made those things possible, and all the people who came by to quietly read our signs or eat our food. It's been really awesome. It is with love that I leave this things -and more! - to the current and future students here at Drew.