Self In(ter)vention
I haven't posted the Ripples emails I've gotten the past couple of weeks. This one is from today; I might post the others tomorrow and Thursday, etc. if I think they're worth sharing. I occasionally get one with which I don't particularly connect, but who knows, maybe someone else will. Starting next week I'll try to post each one I get as a kind of weekly special or something. They brighten up Mondays (or the first day of the work week) considerably. To view archives or learn more about Paul's vision, visit http://www.TheRipplesProject.org
Ripples v8.22: Ripples of INVENTING YOU!
5/30/06: your FREE weekly splash from Paul & The Ripples Project
=o=o=o=o=o=o=o= PEBBLE =o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
If you didn't exist, would someone invent you?
-source unknown, submitted by Linda H., Pewaukee WI
=o=o=o=o=o=o=o= BOULDER =o=o=o=o=o=o=o
The truth is that our finest moments
are most likely to occur when
we are feeling deeply uncomfortable,
unhappy, or unfulfilled.
For it is only in such moments,
propelled by our discomfort,
that we are likely to step out of our ruts and
start searching for different ways or truer answers.
-source unknown, submitted by Anne C-W, Wisconsin
=o=o=o=o=o=o=o= PONDER =o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
I am hoping you can take some small or big steps this week in the process of INVENTING YOU. Start by thinking about how a friend or colleague might describe you to someone who asked "Can you tell me about that person over there?" What quality or attribute do you hope they include in their description? Perhaps there is something you can do to enhance that quality further? Another strategy would be to ponder what you hope they might say next year at this time that would not be included in a current description.....and then take some action this week to work on that invention!
Peace,
Paul
Today is my first day of summer work at the STEL! I actually left my house at 9:00 (can you believe it?) and got here a little after 9:30. Enjoyed a walk across campus, finally returned my library books from the 10-page anth paper of doom, and got to take in the fresh air and pollen for a few minutes before coming inside. And guess what - I was early. It was 9:50 when I finished turning on computers and sat down at this one. Let's see if I can keep this up ...
I've been thinking I can use some structure to my day, at least as much as I can reasonably hope to provide. A way to incorporate things I have to do, things I need to do, and things I want to do so everything gets done and I am happy. Obviously no schedule can be set in stone, but having one helps to organize thoughts and time.
For starters, I've come to accept that I need to wake up an hour and a half before I have to leave for Drew, and I should really leave an hour before I need to be there. So if I need to be here at 10 I should leave by 9 and wake up by 7:30. Once Cognition starts (June 28th) I'll need to be here by 9:30 and should leave by 8:30 - which means waking up at 7:00 (on Mondays and Wednesdays). Which means not staying up too late - I think I'll set midnight as my bedtime. Not a big fan of that, but sleep is extremely important and it takes me a while to drift off. Maybe I'll compromise a bit and say midnight is when I should start getting ready for bed.
It seems Mon-Wed I'll be getting up early, going to work/class, and finishing whatever is going on a particular day at 5pm. I really want to avoid rush-hour traffic, so staying on campus after work is a must. I can take some time to wander around enjoying Drew's campus, then head over to the music wing to practice viola and piano. Far as I know Toni's working Wednesday afternoons until Cognition starts (when we'll switch) so perhaps I can wander and practice during her shift and hang out with her afterward (*pokes the Toni*). Or I can let her talk me into staying with her during her shift like I did in January. And Michael's mentioned hanging out after 6-ish. That would be awesome.
I want to keep the weekends (Fri-Sat, maybe Sun) open for hanging out and such, but as a rule the latest I should ever get up is 9, maybe 10. Once Cognition starts I'll have homework to do in the morning; until/after it has run its course I can take that time to read, meditate, and/or go outside. During the heat of the day (noon-4pm?) I'll come inside and work on personal projects ... once I've done whatever chores/errands Mom wants. After 4-ish I can satisfy my video/pc game addictions. I'll probably switch between activities in all of these categories throughout the day; maybe it would help to create a sort of weekly schedule that might change every week based on what needs to be done and what I want to accomplish.
My big project for the summer will be creating a SIMS2 website/blog that I can easily update in the future. I'm tempted to store it on a free hosting site to keep it separate from my Drew stuff (and save the hassle of eventually having to move it). Also as I've mentioned before I want to read 3-4 books over the summer and attend/review 6 concerts (basically 1 book and 2 concerts per month, or 2 books and 3 concerts in June and August, leaving July free for school). I should write the review and email it to Prof Somers by 2 days after the concert.
And, come to think of it, I should organize my LJ. I've decided since I paid for a permanent account I don't really want to go making other free ones for various things that I'd otherwise give their own space, but to compromise I want to set up my tags (and finish archiving "memorable entries") so someone interested in a particular type of entry can view all relevant entries at once. You could click one thing to read all my school papers and another to read all my concert reviews, for example. If I put links on my info page (perhaps also in my links bar?) I can even give each entry type its own LJ style. Heehee!!! While I'm at it I might as well go back and at least tag "memorable entries" if I don't feel like tagging all 1802* of them.
And I really should back up my files regularly. I'm thinking of getting a nice stack of CD-RWs so I can save my USB storage device for huge things like SIMS. Too bad I don't have a DVD-RW, that would be perfect.
My project for the next two weeks, though, will be cleaning my room. It's unlivable, and if I'm going to be staying with Mom for a few more years there is a ton of stuff that has to go. Most of the actual mess is clothes (and other stuff) I brought home from school and have yet to put away. But there's also 21 years worth of junk with which to contend. Mom wants to clean the downstairs bedroom and the porch, but no one has to sleep in either of those places every night. I need to clean my room for my sanity's sake.
Speaking of sanity, one thing that would really help is taking some time to unwind before bed. I think a major reason why I've been having trouble sleeping is that I do not-particularly-restful stuff for hours before bed, then randomly stop, physically get ready for bed, lie down, and expect to fall asleep. My mind is still racing, and my imagination plays tricks on me in the dark. Last night I told myself I should meditate, but I wasn't even in the right state of mind for that. Beginning to unwind earlier should help, and I've been feeling an urge to pray or something before bed. That just seems a little weird because I'm not sure to whom I should pray. My connection to the Divine comes mostly through nature, not words or even nonverbal conceptualization of deities. Maybe what I need is to actively experience that connection on a regular basis. I do it enough to be happy (and I notice a change in my emotional state when I don't) but perhaps doing it before bed will help me sleep. So still prayer, but not of the verbal variety. Perhaps of the spinning around outside and singing to the stars variety. Prayer of the physical - not mental - variety.
[tangent]
I think that's one of the things - perhaps the major thing - I love so much about music. It's not prayer if the person performing doesn't think it is, but it most certainly can be. I think it's safe to say music plays some role in the rituals of most religions. On a more personal level, though, it is a physical expression of something that transcends the physical and even the mental. Sure, there is a huge intellectual component to the creation of music, but that is generally not prominent during performance.
When I perform I feel I become an embodiment of music - my whole body goes into the performance and I ... the easiest way to describe it is what social scientists call an "altered state of consciousness". I am simultaneously not in control and completely present and in control, guiding every movement. Or maybe I allow a different still integral part of myself to take over, giving the me that thinks in words a rest. I connect with the Divine through music. If there are other performers involved it's even better because I can connect simultaneously with them and with the Divine through them.
In short, that's also a major aspect of what makes sex so beautiful and sacred - especially the opportunity to connect with another person. Sex can also be a form of prayer.
[/tangent]
So, yeah. I've been working on this entry for four hours and juggling it with stuff Wendy wants me to do (and I should be doing) so to be honest I'm a bit burnt out. I really think I needed the break, the opportunity to become a couch potato and SIMS2 zombie. Now that I've recovered I need structure and purpose; I need to do the things I find the most fulfilling and that contribute most to my well-being. I'd like to be able to focus on those things all the time and avoid becoming so stressed I fall ill and need to disappear, skirking most of my responsibilities for a couple of weeks. I've learned a lot over the past few years; maybe this is the Big Lesson I need to work the hardest to truly understand and apply on a daily basis.
* total number of entries in my LJ, excluding this one. I have been using tags since they came out, though some recent entries are missing them. I haven't gone back and tagged my 2-years-worth of pre-tag entries, though.