starting a journey
i'm going to find myself. because i really have no idea who i am. and i feel like i don't fit in anywhere. and i know i can't go on living like this. everyone (well most people, anyway) take a little bit of time every once and a while for themselves, where they don't care about anything else but themselves for just a little bit. it helps them to be able to function better and not worry all the time. i've never done that. my entire life. i haven't once sat down and worried ONLY about me. and it's all coming back right now. and i know that i can't go on like this, so i have two options. i either 1) kill myself, or 2) go figure out who i am and whatever it is i'm looking for. and i don't want to die. so it's off to find myself. and i think it's going to be good. i'm going to cut myself off from everything i know for a while to try and figure things out in my head. i'm going to look at the world differently. and i'm going to really sit down and reevaluate my life and what's in store for me. i need to find peace, find God, find whatever it is i need to be happy. and it's going to be hard. and i'm probably going to cry a lot. but i don't care anymore. for the first time in my life i'm going to find out who i am and why i'm here. and i might not even come back with all the answers. but i know one thing for sure: i'm going to come back happier. and i'm going to miss all my friends, and family, and anyone that's touched me in some way or another. and i'm not going away forever. it's not over. i will be back. because i need you all more than anything. you are all the blood in my veins. and you're the reasons i find it necessary to still breathe everyday. and you all keep me from leaving. because seeing your smiles makes deciding to wake up when i go to sleep every night a little easier.
and i know that you all still care, and that even if you don't support me, you can respect my decision. and i'm going to come back a better person, a better friend, a better human being. and i know deep down inside me that i'm going to find some greater purpose. and i'm going to change the world.
i love you all.
and i know that you all still care, and that even if you don't support me, you can respect my decision. and i'm going to come back a better person, a better friend, a better human being. and i know deep down inside me that i'm going to find some greater purpose. and i'm going to change the world.
i love you all.