It's official: I don't know what to do anymore.
I know what I want to do with my life. I want to be a music teacher. I want to spend a summer in Austria studying music in the birthplace of Mozart and the home of so much musical history that it is like Heaven on Earth. I want to spend a semester in Florida, interning for the Walt Disney company at Walt Disney World. I know what I do NOT want with my life. I do not want to stay at Cal Lutheran. However, I do not feel as though I really have an option at this point. I do not feel like I belong here. You know that feeling of "this is where I want to be...this is where I am meant to be?" I do not have that feeling here. What I want more than anything right now is to find that feeling in a decent University that can offer me what I need with the challenges I need to better myself. CLU does not offer me that.
I almost dread going home just because I know it is not a permanent stay anymore. I am always going to have to re-pack my stuff and come back down to my personal Hell on Earth. Where am I supposed to go from here? I feel like I am stuck in a rut that I cannot pull myself out of. I don't think I don't like it here because I'm home sick, I just don't think I am getting what I should be getting out of college. I feel like I am still in high school. As of right now, however, I am going to stick it out through Sophomore year. However, I am also going to try to apply to transfer to Pepperdine. If I still do not get in, then I know I am not meant to bet there and I will just have to find a way to find the postive in my current situations.
If you have any GOOD, thought out advice, please give it. I am lost, and I have no idea where to turn to.