Text conversation
This is so I can have this on file somewhere...I am a whirlwind of analyzation right now and just need to think. Or stop thinking. I'm not sure which yet.
I watched August Rush yesterday, btw...it's cheesy, and I don't really like Robin Williams. But the point of the movie was beautiful to someone who is generally an orphan, in love with music, etc...like the main character. Basically a Disney movie for big kids...and this sounds really nerdy. LOL.
(Robin Williams)Wizard: What do you want to be in the World?
August: What do I want to be?
Wizard: Yea! Close your eyes tight and think of what you want to be in this world. Anything.
August: ...Found.
Of COURSE his mom is a professional cello player (I love the cello...it was my first instrument except for vocals, and how I fell in love with music) whose Dad took her baby at birth and never told her if the baby lived or died. He put it up for adoption and told her that her baby was dead. He was a prodigal child who could play any instrument, but had no professional training...and they believed they could find each other by playing their music.
I know, I know; CHEESY!!!
Anyway, I was very emo after watching it. Due to my whole, I really want to go back to school, but don't know how/if I can/how that would work...and my dad saying I should come home to live with him and he would remove my financial strain...and I know in my heart and mind that is NOT the right choice, even if he DID and it is easier to do, I can't live with that family, that pain again...thing. Lol.
Texts today, the whole point of the blog:
Dad: How are you punkin (ugh)
Me: I'm ok, wishing I didn't have to work after work tonight, lol (Haha, I 'lol'd' to my dad)
Dad: I know how you feel. What did you decide about your schooling
Me: I want to go back with all my heart. I can't afford it or have time w/ 3 jobs. It's disheartening.
Dad: (no response)
Very sweet. I am almost 23, but feeling like 10 years old. I literally feel like an orphan and it dominates my thoughts in that I don't understand how two sets of parents, knowing where I am and how my heart longs to have family, can ignore my existence.
This greatly messes with my self esteem in that I examine my insides and starting pointing a finger at all the things that must be wrong with me to cause them to not want to be with me.
Someone please explain my life to me...
not literally. Thanks
I watched August Rush yesterday, btw...it's cheesy, and I don't really like Robin Williams. But the point of the movie was beautiful to someone who is generally an orphan, in love with music, etc...like the main character. Basically a Disney movie for big kids...and this sounds really nerdy. LOL.
(Robin Williams)Wizard: What do you want to be in the World?
August: What do I want to be?
Wizard: Yea! Close your eyes tight and think of what you want to be in this world. Anything.
August: ...Found.
Of COURSE his mom is a professional cello player (I love the cello...it was my first instrument except for vocals, and how I fell in love with music) whose Dad took her baby at birth and never told her if the baby lived or died. He put it up for adoption and told her that her baby was dead. He was a prodigal child who could play any instrument, but had no professional training...and they believed they could find each other by playing their music.
I know, I know; CHEESY!!!
Anyway, I was very emo after watching it. Due to my whole, I really want to go back to school, but don't know how/if I can/how that would work...and my dad saying I should come home to live with him and he would remove my financial strain...and I know in my heart and mind that is NOT the right choice, even if he DID and it is easier to do, I can't live with that family, that pain again...thing. Lol.
Texts today, the whole point of the blog:
Dad: How are you punkin (ugh)
Me: I'm ok, wishing I didn't have to work after work tonight, lol (Haha, I 'lol'd' to my dad)
Dad: I know how you feel. What did you decide about your schooling
Me: I want to go back with all my heart. I can't afford it or have time w/ 3 jobs. It's disheartening.
Dad: (no response)
Very sweet. I am almost 23, but feeling like 10 years old. I literally feel like an orphan and it dominates my thoughts in that I don't understand how two sets of parents, knowing where I am and how my heart longs to have family, can ignore my existence.
This greatly messes with my self esteem in that I examine my insides and starting pointing a finger at all the things that must be wrong with me to cause them to not want to be with me.
Someone please explain my life to me...
not literally. Thanks