stress stress stress stress stress stress
Yet another day of wondering how to manage everything. How do I explain things without rambling......
First, there was a "field trip" organized at work to go to Rochester. A doctor who works on my floor wants us to change the way we provide care (to a way that none of us agree with and do not think is safe or feasible) and we were supposed to go to Rochester to see how it's done and how "wonderful" it is. As part of the Unit Practice COuncil at work, I wanted to go to take notes, but I couldn't afford to go to Rochester for a full day when I ahve so much to do, and also I didn't want to appear to be supporting this idea, I just wanted to be an objective representative of our floor. It makes logical sense that I didn't go--- I didn't have surefire information, I don't know if the trip even went through, I'm on "vacation" this week, planning for the party this weekend, etc etc-- but I'm also buried in guilt because of it.
Second, I have clinicals. The doctor I"m following is in from 1-7, and I can drop in any time during that span. I was planning on getting some stuff done around the house- which has been lacking much of my attention- and then going over there from 3-7. I really don't want to go, even though this doctor is very nice and I enjoy the prenatal clinicals moreso than the STD check clinicals. I just have so much to do and can't seem to accomplish much of anything before having to run off to another obligation. But I need hours, and the reason why I took this vacation was to catch up on BOTH stuff at home and on clinical hours. I probably should have gone at 1 but I was up until almost dawn cleaning the office.
Third, this weekend is my annual halloween/birthday bash, and I have a LOT of cleaning to do. Before I even decorate (which is a full day at least!) I have to get rid of all of the boxes, projects, misc stuff hanging around our cluttered apartment. Last night I worked on the office/storage room, and got a bunch of bins filled and labeled, ready for the basement. SOme of the bins still needed work, and Dave trying to help this morning brought boxes down at 7 am to the basement. Of COURSE, such is my luck, in trying to be helpful he unknowingly brought down all the boxes I needed to stay up here for now, and left the ones that need to go into the basement! He tried to help, but I'm worried he pissed off the neighbor by being loud in the morning and also that I now have to go down and re-bring heavy boxes back and forth while I have cramps. Not fun. And still be ready for clinicals in 40 minutes.
On top of that, my grandfather is in the hospital for I think the fourth time this month. I'm worried about him. He's having TIA's and they keep taking him for surgery but I'm wondering what we can do for him to help stabilize him. I don't really even want to think about it.
There's just so much to do, and I'm constantly plagued by guilt about putting off one thing to do another. I feel guilty that I didn't go to Rochester. What if the doctor was embarassed that no one wanted to go? WHy do I care- he's doing this for is own personal reasons and is not supportive of our staff, so why care? I feel bad I didn't get up early to go to clinicals and get extra hours in, but I wouldn't have been able to last the whole day. But I NEED clinical hours and feel way behind. I also need to clean and be ready for the party by Saturday MORNING, or else I'll wind up doing what I did last year and clean through the whole party and not get to even talk to people!
I still, STILL have to send thank you's for the wedding! I keep trying to sneak in time to work on them, but I have about 250 thank you cards to organize, get addresses for, hand-write, put photos into, etc etc and it actually is taking me a LOOOOOONNNGGG time even though I'm working on them. And I don't want people to be offended!! I'm sure they already are.
I have so much guilt all the time. I know that some o fit is unreasonable, but I don't know how to stop myself from feeling this way. I wish, WISH I could hire someone to look at my life, help me to get some new time-management skills, help me prioritize, etc. I know HOW to, but I can't seem to find the right plan. No matter what I choose to focus on for a day, I feel guilty about everything else that sits by the wayside. I feel guilty that I'm not cooking dinner for my husband. I feel guilty that I go to bed so late, but I can't sleep unless I feel like I got something done, which usually means doing a project all night instead of laying down peacefully with my husband. I want to go visit my Grandfather in the hospital, but don't have time during visiting hours adn dont' want to bother him but want him to know I CARE. I want to be a good girl, get up at 6 am and clinical my ass off, but it's so hard to spend a whole day between girls' knees and not be wishing I was at home getting my life in order. Plus it's tiring, annoying, and stressful. But at the end of the week when I see I only got 12 hours in, and need 25, it makes me panic.
Panic is another good word. I feel constantly tense, panicked, and guilty.
I wish I could come up with a way to get on top of things..... that's what this "vacation" from work this week was supposed to do-- let me prepare for the party, let me catch up on clinicals, let me catch up on extra-curricular stuff for work-- and I"m not getting anything done, even though I'm CONSTANTLY moving!!!
Alright, enough trying to think, time to just get up and DO. I have to go work on getting ready to go to Amherst for clnicals.
Also, I realize I still haven't really explained what I"m doing in school this semester, or at work this time of year. If I did maybe all this rambling would make more senese.
Marriage update
UPC/BC/Work
School/Clinicals
House Hunting
First, there was a "field trip" organized at work to go to Rochester. A doctor who works on my floor wants us to change the way we provide care (to a way that none of us agree with and do not think is safe or feasible) and we were supposed to go to Rochester to see how it's done and how "wonderful" it is. As part of the Unit Practice COuncil at work, I wanted to go to take notes, but I couldn't afford to go to Rochester for a full day when I ahve so much to do, and also I didn't want to appear to be supporting this idea, I just wanted to be an objective representative of our floor. It makes logical sense that I didn't go--- I didn't have surefire information, I don't know if the trip even went through, I'm on "vacation" this week, planning for the party this weekend, etc etc-- but I'm also buried in guilt because of it.
Second, I have clinicals. The doctor I"m following is in from 1-7, and I can drop in any time during that span. I was planning on getting some stuff done around the house- which has been lacking much of my attention- and then going over there from 3-7. I really don't want to go, even though this doctor is very nice and I enjoy the prenatal clinicals moreso than the STD check clinicals. I just have so much to do and can't seem to accomplish much of anything before having to run off to another obligation. But I need hours, and the reason why I took this vacation was to catch up on BOTH stuff at home and on clinical hours. I probably should have gone at 1 but I was up until almost dawn cleaning the office.
Third, this weekend is my annual halloween/birthday bash, and I have a LOT of cleaning to do. Before I even decorate (which is a full day at least!) I have to get rid of all of the boxes, projects, misc stuff hanging around our cluttered apartment. Last night I worked on the office/storage room, and got a bunch of bins filled and labeled, ready for the basement. SOme of the bins still needed work, and Dave trying to help this morning brought boxes down at 7 am to the basement. Of COURSE, such is my luck, in trying to be helpful he unknowingly brought down all the boxes I needed to stay up here for now, and left the ones that need to go into the basement! He tried to help, but I'm worried he pissed off the neighbor by being loud in the morning and also that I now have to go down and re-bring heavy boxes back and forth while I have cramps. Not fun. And still be ready for clinicals in 40 minutes.
On top of that, my grandfather is in the hospital for I think the fourth time this month. I'm worried about him. He's having TIA's and they keep taking him for surgery but I'm wondering what we can do for him to help stabilize him. I don't really even want to think about it.
There's just so much to do, and I'm constantly plagued by guilt about putting off one thing to do another. I feel guilty that I didn't go to Rochester. What if the doctor was embarassed that no one wanted to go? WHy do I care- he's doing this for is own personal reasons and is not supportive of our staff, so why care? I feel bad I didn't get up early to go to clinicals and get extra hours in, but I wouldn't have been able to last the whole day. But I NEED clinical hours and feel way behind. I also need to clean and be ready for the party by Saturday MORNING, or else I'll wind up doing what I did last year and clean through the whole party and not get to even talk to people!
I still, STILL have to send thank you's for the wedding! I keep trying to sneak in time to work on them, but I have about 250 thank you cards to organize, get addresses for, hand-write, put photos into, etc etc and it actually is taking me a LOOOOOONNNGGG time even though I'm working on them. And I don't want people to be offended!! I'm sure they already are.
I have so much guilt all the time. I know that some o fit is unreasonable, but I don't know how to stop myself from feeling this way. I wish, WISH I could hire someone to look at my life, help me to get some new time-management skills, help me prioritize, etc. I know HOW to, but I can't seem to find the right plan. No matter what I choose to focus on for a day, I feel guilty about everything else that sits by the wayside. I feel guilty that I'm not cooking dinner for my husband. I feel guilty that I go to bed so late, but I can't sleep unless I feel like I got something done, which usually means doing a project all night instead of laying down peacefully with my husband. I want to go visit my Grandfather in the hospital, but don't have time during visiting hours adn dont' want to bother him but want him to know I CARE. I want to be a good girl, get up at 6 am and clinical my ass off, but it's so hard to spend a whole day between girls' knees and not be wishing I was at home getting my life in order. Plus it's tiring, annoying, and stressful. But at the end of the week when I see I only got 12 hours in, and need 25, it makes me panic.
Panic is another good word. I feel constantly tense, panicked, and guilty.
I wish I could come up with a way to get on top of things..... that's what this "vacation" from work this week was supposed to do-- let me prepare for the party, let me catch up on clinicals, let me catch up on extra-curricular stuff for work-- and I"m not getting anything done, even though I'm CONSTANTLY moving!!!
Alright, enough trying to think, time to just get up and DO. I have to go work on getting ready to go to Amherst for clnicals.
Also, I realize I still haven't really explained what I"m doing in school this semester, or at work this time of year. If I did maybe all this rambling would make more senese.
Marriage update
UPC/BC/Work
School/Clinicals
House Hunting