Life..
As You Can Tell from the date..I have not written in this shit for ages..so here I go and I will make shit short..I'll sum everything up..
School is almost coming to an end..finals and final concerts all this and next week..=) Happy Feeling to be all over..Prom in 2 week and Graduation the week after that..things keep looking better from here on out..
I'm sad to be leaving all my friends but I know I will keep in contact with them all because if there is one thing I do best its keeping in contact with people I want to keep in contact with. Want being the ultimate keyword. I have had my ups and downs since freshman year but I can see how much I've grown..=) And I don't regret anything..
College Auditions proved to be no purpose..I think my last entry I wrote how I was going to devote my life to my trumpet and all these fucking auditions that I quit everything in the world to focus on..I have no idea why I did it cause it proved to be no purpose..Music Schools are all a piece of shit..why didn't I decide to be normal? Kevin Cobb..my savior?..I don't know about that..I guess that's I was trained to believe for 4 years...and after getting the lovely rejection letter from Juilliard I felt a sort of betrayal..I mean he was still a good teacher but I mean after seeing many other Pre-College Trumpet players making it in and then we get to me and it's a no after I thought I had the greater advantage comes to show you just because someone who's helping you to get into something he also teachers in guarantees's you shit..unless you play the fiddle =). And also with him telling me all his fucking "I told You So's" Makes me feel that he never really had any real confidence in me anyways..like he viewed me as some sad kid with family problems who entertained his day with stories...well I'm so sorry I ever got so close to him as his student otherwise it would hurt as much, cause then I would not give a shit at all. He leave soon and I wont see him anymore..and I will become one of the people whom he responds to from his messages in his phone 5 years later...I can't wait. I think all trumpet teachers are programmed to say anything..or should I say certain things..that all lie similar to each other. Other than that..I guess I sent in my Mannes deposit not officially going there but it's a thought. Fuck all who tell me taking a year of sucks...I make my own decisions..Kevin won't be taking 20,000 out of his pocket anytime soon..for me at least..and he went to Curtis and Juilliard so he has no right to tell me my place is at U of Oregon..or Rutgers..or wherever ever else he tells me to go as if he would have were he my age..Im getting angry again..and Im so happy now..because I don't practice anymore..and maybe I will later if I decide to re-audition again..but to go through this process again..get's kind of tiring..and serves no purpose..
I don't do anything music related unless I have to...because I neglected all my friends because of these stupid auditions so now its me being normal time..no matter what costs..whether I do something to harm my body...or anything I have never done before. Hanging at friends houses..staying out till 5 in the morning..I don't know..being creative and not having to pick up my god dam trumpet. We will see what happens in the summer..most likely the drive will come back if I have someone there guiding me. I guess I have to try and make the best out of this..and from now on I don't believe anyone..no matter whether they teach at Juilliard, or wherever..because all in all I will believe in myself..no one else knows shit or cares shit. Phil Smith sits principal in the NY Phil..why should he care about anyone else?..He already has his place..screw all others..as what I say now..=), Musically speaking of course, particularly trumpet players..but Wynton Marsalis..ha-ha =) eh..sike. All I can count on now are my friends, my close friends and family to help me get through this.
School is almost coming to an end..finals and final concerts all this and next week..=) Happy Feeling to be all over..Prom in 2 week and Graduation the week after that..things keep looking better from here on out..
I'm sad to be leaving all my friends but I know I will keep in contact with them all because if there is one thing I do best its keeping in contact with people I want to keep in contact with. Want being the ultimate keyword. I have had my ups and downs since freshman year but I can see how much I've grown..=) And I don't regret anything..
College Auditions proved to be no purpose..I think my last entry I wrote how I was going to devote my life to my trumpet and all these fucking auditions that I quit everything in the world to focus on..I have no idea why I did it cause it proved to be no purpose..Music Schools are all a piece of shit..why didn't I decide to be normal? Kevin Cobb..my savior?..I don't know about that..I guess that's I was trained to believe for 4 years...and after getting the lovely rejection letter from Juilliard I felt a sort of betrayal..I mean he was still a good teacher but I mean after seeing many other Pre-College Trumpet players making it in and then we get to me and it's a no after I thought I had the greater advantage comes to show you just because someone who's helping you to get into something he also teachers in guarantees's you shit..unless you play the fiddle =). And also with him telling me all his fucking "I told You So's" Makes me feel that he never really had any real confidence in me anyways..like he viewed me as some sad kid with family problems who entertained his day with stories...well I'm so sorry I ever got so close to him as his student otherwise it would hurt as much, cause then I would not give a shit at all. He leave soon and I wont see him anymore..and I will become one of the people whom he responds to from his messages in his phone 5 years later...I can't wait. I think all trumpet teachers are programmed to say anything..or should I say certain things..that all lie similar to each other. Other than that..I guess I sent in my Mannes deposit not officially going there but it's a thought. Fuck all who tell me taking a year of sucks...I make my own decisions..Kevin won't be taking 20,000 out of his pocket anytime soon..for me at least..and he went to Curtis and Juilliard so he has no right to tell me my place is at U of Oregon..or Rutgers..or wherever ever else he tells me to go as if he would have were he my age..Im getting angry again..and Im so happy now..because I don't practice anymore..and maybe I will later if I decide to re-audition again..but to go through this process again..get's kind of tiring..and serves no purpose..
I don't do anything music related unless I have to...because I neglected all my friends because of these stupid auditions so now its me being normal time..no matter what costs..whether I do something to harm my body...or anything I have never done before. Hanging at friends houses..staying out till 5 in the morning..I don't know..being creative and not having to pick up my god dam trumpet. We will see what happens in the summer..most likely the drive will come back if I have someone there guiding me. I guess I have to try and make the best out of this..and from now on I don't believe anyone..no matter whether they teach at Juilliard, or wherever..because all in all I will believe in myself..no one else knows shit or cares shit. Phil Smith sits principal in the NY Phil..why should he care about anyone else?..He already has his place..screw all others..as what I say now..=), Musically speaking of course, particularly trumpet players..but Wynton Marsalis..ha-ha =) eh..sike. All I can count on now are my friends, my close friends and family to help me get through this.