(no subject)
I feel like crap. I think I'm getting strepthroat. My throat hurts, my head is pounding, and I think I"m getting a fever. I hope its not as bad as it was over Thanksgiving break...I'm not sure what I had then, but I know I had a REALLY bad fever, and I couldn't see straight, and I was really dizzy and stuff. ahhhh!
And, I'm grounded, again, go figure. I hate this. It's so annoying, b/c my parents want to know EVERYTHING about my life...but they don't understand me at all. They think that everything that has to do with me is, therefore, their business when...its not necessarily. Plus, they get really mad when I tell my friends about rude stuff they say at home, b/c it makes them sound bad...but, maybe I don't want to tell them about the problems my friends are having...maybe it would make them sound bad. But my parents do this whole "tell me, or your grounded" thing now. Like, the last time I got grounded was b/c we went to the doctor for a check-up and I asked the doctor something, and I told her not to say NEthing to my mom (since doctors have to do that) and my mom got sooo pissed. She was like....what the HELL could you tell the doctor that you can't tell me!?! And I wouldn't tell her, and I got grounded...it turned out that it wasn't a big deal NEwayz...but, if I had told her, it would have made a friend of mine sound bad. And, that's none of their business. I hate that they think they have to be part of everything. Especially when they do find out stuff about my life, and then rag on me about it...and then they get these ideas in their heads about my friends. And, if I were to be friends with someone again that I wasn't before b/c we had a firght or w/e...even if it was TOTALLY my fault...they're like, "why would you want to be friends with her again??" And...seriuosly...its my decision who I want to be friends with or not...its not their place to tell me whos good to hang out with and whos not...I mean, its not like I have drug dealers as friends or anything.
Also, I've kinda figured some stuff out about myself, starting about...2 months ago prob. I guess, at the time, I was just really afraid of trusting people. It just seemed like everytime I were to trust someone they let me down. And, at the beginning of the school year, I had my mind set out that I wasn't going to depend on anybody, and just go witht he flow of things...the problem with that idea is that, that doesn't include real friendships. In a real friendship, people care about you, and they want to know what's going on in your life. But, I wanted to just sit back and pretend like nothing was bothering me. It worked for a while. I listened to my ipod all day, and didn't let any time in my life for "drama". I said, "drama is for freshmen, I can't believe I used to act like that". But then things started happeneing in my life, and I realized, in order to have a real relationship with anyone...girl/guy, neighbor/parent, whoever it is, you have to let them into your life, and you have to trust them. That means, not only with secrets or w/e...but, with yourself. You have to trust that they'll be there for you, and not run away whenever something happens. Well, I found a few people that I loved to death, some really good friends who I knew were there for me no matter what. But then...things started bothing me...and I couldn't hide them anymore. And, I got totally paranoid about everything in my life. I stopped trusting certain people...and I complained ALL the time about stuff that happened to me. I guess you could say I was in "the world's out to get me" mode. And, then it took a lot of stuff to happen to me before I woke up. I FINALLY realized that all those things weren't happening to me...they were happening because of me. All the stuff that bothered me, either weren't true, or were just exaggerated in my mind, when they really had nothing to do with me. But when I look back on it...on the things that happened to me, that made me wake up, I realize that they were meant to happen, and if they hadn't I would still be the way I was then. I acted really obnoxious, pessimistic, annoying, stupid, and mostly, just immature. And, I promise never to act that way again. I'm sorry for everything I put you guys through. I was an idiot.
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.
~Relient K~
And, I'm grounded, again, go figure. I hate this. It's so annoying, b/c my parents want to know EVERYTHING about my life...but they don't understand me at all. They think that everything that has to do with me is, therefore, their business when...its not necessarily. Plus, they get really mad when I tell my friends about rude stuff they say at home, b/c it makes them sound bad...but, maybe I don't want to tell them about the problems my friends are having...maybe it would make them sound bad. But my parents do this whole "tell me, or your grounded" thing now. Like, the last time I got grounded was b/c we went to the doctor for a check-up and I asked the doctor something, and I told her not to say NEthing to my mom (since doctors have to do that) and my mom got sooo pissed. She was like....what the HELL could you tell the doctor that you can't tell me!?! And I wouldn't tell her, and I got grounded...it turned out that it wasn't a big deal NEwayz...but, if I had told her, it would have made a friend of mine sound bad. And, that's none of their business. I hate that they think they have to be part of everything. Especially when they do find out stuff about my life, and then rag on me about it...and then they get these ideas in their heads about my friends. And, if I were to be friends with someone again that I wasn't before b/c we had a firght or w/e...even if it was TOTALLY my fault...they're like, "why would you want to be friends with her again??" And...seriuosly...its my decision who I want to be friends with or not...its not their place to tell me whos good to hang out with and whos not...I mean, its not like I have drug dealers as friends or anything.
Also, I've kinda figured some stuff out about myself, starting about...2 months ago prob. I guess, at the time, I was just really afraid of trusting people. It just seemed like everytime I were to trust someone they let me down. And, at the beginning of the school year, I had my mind set out that I wasn't going to depend on anybody, and just go witht he flow of things...the problem with that idea is that, that doesn't include real friendships. In a real friendship, people care about you, and they want to know what's going on in your life. But, I wanted to just sit back and pretend like nothing was bothering me. It worked for a while. I listened to my ipod all day, and didn't let any time in my life for "drama". I said, "drama is for freshmen, I can't believe I used to act like that". But then things started happeneing in my life, and I realized, in order to have a real relationship with anyone...girl/guy, neighbor/parent, whoever it is, you have to let them into your life, and you have to trust them. That means, not only with secrets or w/e...but, with yourself. You have to trust that they'll be there for you, and not run away whenever something happens. Well, I found a few people that I loved to death, some really good friends who I knew were there for me no matter what. But then...things started bothing me...and I couldn't hide them anymore. And, I got totally paranoid about everything in my life. I stopped trusting certain people...and I complained ALL the time about stuff that happened to me. I guess you could say I was in "the world's out to get me" mode. And, then it took a lot of stuff to happen to me before I woke up. I FINALLY realized that all those things weren't happening to me...they were happening because of me. All the stuff that bothered me, either weren't true, or were just exaggerated in my mind, when they really had nothing to do with me. But when I look back on it...on the things that happened to me, that made me wake up, I realize that they were meant to happen, and if they hadn't I would still be the way I was then. I acted really obnoxious, pessimistic, annoying, stupid, and mostly, just immature. And, I promise never to act that way again. I'm sorry for everything I put you guys through. I was an idiot.
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.
~Relient K~