The pain just wont go away....
Yesterday and last night I talked alot to a friend of mine. We had some good laughs. He was making me laugh like crazy. Later that night we were talkin online, we got into more serious stuff...I feel like he understands me. No one else I hang out with would really know what to say or do to make things better because they wouldnt know what its like...well he does. I said before that I felt emotionally numb...well I think I came out of that. As we were talking I started crying. I wasnt crying because I got physically hurt, but because I could feel the emotional pain. It was weird...I was happy that I was crying cuz that meant that I was feeling the pain and hurt thats going on in my life...but I was sad because of that pain and hurt. I honestly just dont know what to do anymore....I feel lost and alone. To add to all of that....I feel like Im losing the one person and brought out the REAL Jordan...someone I had a blast with ALLLL the time...Someone I could talk about boys with...Someone that could ALWAYS make me laugh...Someone I thought would FIANLLY be my best friend forever...Who am I kidding. One way or another Ive alwasy lost the people that I thought I would be and STAY close with. Now...I feel her slip away and I dont know how to stop her. "Im losing you Ashley". Maybe someday ill lose myself....for good this time....................