(no subject)
Have you ever had that feeling when you wish you could do something for someone you care about so much but you know theres nothing possible for you to do? Well, thats how I feel. Right now, things are weird. Things are so not how I wish they could be but im still content with it all. Im still happy. I love my friend dearly. I wish I could do anything to make her happy. I suck at school. Its just totally not my thing andim not motivated at all to do well in it. Now for the rest of the school year (four weeks) I have to come straight home after school and do my homework and what not. Its not that bad. Im just a total slacker. I hate my mom... like seriously, her and I have the worst relationship EVER. She tries to give me guilt trips but im just like "yea, whatever" now. I dont even try to fight back cuz its pointless. My stepdad is a freak. Hes so weird. He has his own business thing deal( i dont know what it is) but apparently he needs a job...yea i dont knwo how that works...but so yea, I guess he cant seem to find any in cali so supposedly hes looking for jobs outside of cali. If that happens...my mom and step dad are moving. That would be pretty sweet. No more of them. It would be good and bad. Bad because my mom is such a sucker shes so easy to like get money out of or like push back a cerw few or just like anything like that so if they move I wont get that anymore. But good because if I dont get that anymore ill learn to support myself that much more. I want to be out when I turn 18. I know I have alot to learn..it just takes time. And last but not least...boy...you know, that one. hehe. If I had it my way, we would totaly be going out right now. But like I said, Im just so content with things and im happy. I would love to be going out with him but i dunno. I guess im aking advantage of the time to just hang out as friends, get to know him better (if thats possible haha). I dunno im so weird. Like a month ago when all this stuff was happening still I would have like wanted to die. Now im just enjoying life. It feels so good to be happy. Im beginning to appreciate the word LOVE. I know what its like to truely love. That prolly has alot to do with it. Loving someone and being loved back is like almost the greatest thing ever. I have so much love for my family and friends and fellow believers in christ. Trusting in God, Knowing hes with me always, That HE and HE ALONE will do what needs to be done...its all so amazing...Im just sorta babbling now. You know whats weird...is that Im in love...I have been for about a good year and a half maybe two. Its been along time. At one point, the person I love, loved me back. Things got rocky and we ended it. Through our times of not being together I never stopped loving him, nor have I now. And Through that time... he stopped loving me...or atleast not the way he used to. But even know, I still have faith, I still love him, and im okay with it all. Its been so hard to take it all in. Ive had my WAY hard moments. But I gave it to god. I know its all gunna turn out okay. GOD IS AWESOME!!!!! WOOHOO! yea I dunno. PEACE!