(no subject)
I'm so overstrung right now because I dont make enough money to pay all of my bills and it is really putting a hurt on me. Especially with the light bill coming up from when Danille was stating with me GAWD i DO NOT want to see that bill! I have to worry about finding another place to live and if Bennie and I are going to be finding a place together or serperate...Im not sure what I want. Im sure I want to live with him but im not 100% sure...I know he wants to live on his own for a while...maybe it would be good for our relationship but will be REALLy hard for me...Thier trying to sell the house we are living in. We are on a 1 year lease and its up in february...that gives us approx. 7 mos. to find somewhere else to live , pack ALL our shit up and move AGAIN. I want to find a place where I can stay longer than a year....
I keep getting those migraines back...Im having extreme abdonminal pains and cramps...I have my Dr's appt on this friday. Im excited in a weird way and the other part of me is frightened, scared. I dont know if they will be putting me on the shot immediately or if im going to continue to have to wait...what do I do if this shot makes me even mroe emotionally unstable and insane? I can't handle it..If it does I think I might have to admit myself into a mental hosp. because I swear im on the verge of going suicidal, the thought passes my mind alot more than it should. I dont want to die but sometimes I do.I dont want to die because I feel its left up to me to continue our family line...my sisters are too old and I know my cousins might have kids but its all left up to us now we are all up in those ages...
Im going to have to call Matt @ the landing and see if I cant get a Saturday gig waitressing to make some extra earned cash. My 90 days are up next month and I REALLy hope I get hired on so I can work on getting beneifts. I also want to be established somehwere for longer than just few months so I can eventually re finance my truck so I can afford it....
Im trying to go out to shows a little mroe because I enjoy them..I just cant afford them..heh...i can't afford anything.
Im thinking about selling my brand new surround sound system my mother gave me..still in the box...I REALLy want it though,....Altough our tv is loud enough when were watching vhs because thats hooked up to my stereo and I have a BOMMING sub connected to it..makes the neighborhood shake if you turn it up just half way LOL....
Anyways I have to go figure out How im going to afford the house phone and my truck this month...
I keep getting those migraines back...Im having extreme abdonminal pains and cramps...I have my Dr's appt on this friday. Im excited in a weird way and the other part of me is frightened, scared. I dont know if they will be putting me on the shot immediately or if im going to continue to have to wait...what do I do if this shot makes me even mroe emotionally unstable and insane? I can't handle it..If it does I think I might have to admit myself into a mental hosp. because I swear im on the verge of going suicidal, the thought passes my mind alot more than it should. I dont want to die but sometimes I do.I dont want to die because I feel its left up to me to continue our family line...my sisters are too old and I know my cousins might have kids but its all left up to us now we are all up in those ages...
Im going to have to call Matt @ the landing and see if I cant get a Saturday gig waitressing to make some extra earned cash. My 90 days are up next month and I REALLy hope I get hired on so I can work on getting beneifts. I also want to be established somehwere for longer than just few months so I can eventually re finance my truck so I can afford it....
Im trying to go out to shows a little mroe because I enjoy them..I just cant afford them..heh...i can't afford anything.
Im thinking about selling my brand new surround sound system my mother gave me..still in the box...I REALLy want it though,....Altough our tv is loud enough when were watching vhs because thats hooked up to my stereo and I have a BOMMING sub connected to it..makes the neighborhood shake if you turn it up just half way LOL....
Anyways I have to go figure out How im going to afford the house phone and my truck this month...