Freedom of Speech? At a price I guess. (A- Whatever people want to make it)
Before I go into why the title of this post is the way it is, just a catch-up of what else happened. Long story short, emotiional and physical crap. On V-Day, I sprigned my knee (ffun fun fun), and so for the next two weeks (until tech for Edwina), I will be off my left knee, resting, elevating, icing, ect. So yeah long story short: V-Day sucked ass. Whatever. Here's to next year.
Now-
I guess more people read this than I thought. If you guys have not already guessed (if you've read the rest of this journal), this is my place to rant, vent, and let go of pent of feelings, I feel I am unable to tell people. I get angry, I vent. I get emotional, I vent. That's the way I roll.
I recently posted a rant about Dance Club. At the time I wrote it, I was angry. Between the horrible Danceland that happened (again, personal opinon) and the way things were/are being handled, I vented. I was angry (I keep saying that, sorry). So I typed up some not-so-nice things about a couple of people in power and about the way the club was run in general, and I have also been not-so-quiet about my feelings around other members of the club (some who also talk to others, who talk to others yadda yadda yadda...Middle School anyone??), and I have been trying to make my voice known for quite some time. I spoke my mind. I have the freedom to do it.
What do I get for it? I'm now getting dirty looks, the cold shoulder, tension during rehearsals, and me feeling like shit. Yesterday was on my way to lunch in Stearns when I got approached by the SGA advisor, who is also in charge of all the clubs. She approached me in a civil manner, telling me that she was informed that I was having trouble with this club and she would like to meet with me. I kindly agreed and I am meeting her tomorrow morning. During this meeting, I will be civil, I will be respectful. End of story.
Today I was in the Fireplace Lounge and (out of a joke) a fellow member of the club asked me if I was planning on destroying the club.
EX-FUCKING-SQUEESE ME?!?!
I don't care that it was a joke or not, I am INSULTED! I have NEVER wanted to take this club down. And to even have an inklink about it is just a HUGE blow to me. I LOVE this club. It's another way for me to channel my agressions and angers into something that won't effect other people in a negative way. It is also great exercsize and I have met some amazing and interesting people from this club both in and outside of rehearsals. And most inportantly, I do not want to punish the 70+ members of the club who love this as much as I do, to see this club go down in flames.
I do not want to take this club down. I do not want to go to that extreme. I just want people to know what has been going on. I mean, isn't that one of the reasons why we have the freedom of speech, so we can stand up for what we believe in without ridicule and predjudice? And the fact that people are appearing to hate me is not a settling thing. In fact, it feels like I am back where I don't want to be, one of the biggest reasons why I decided to go to school 4 1/2 hours away.
I have been grown up living the mantra: Treat others the way you like to be treated. I don't care who they are and what they do, look like, whatever, I will ALWAYS walk in with an open mind and a clean slate. I will always come up and say hello and how was your day. Sure, people might not feel the same way I do for them, but it's their personal opinion and I respect that. That is why I am feeling the way I am about this situation.
I apologize if I have offened or insulted everyone. I rant and talk bad sometimes, everyone does, that's why we are human, we make mistakes. All my life I have been a target of ridicule: Becuase of my weight, my personality flaws, the way I dress, I never figured it out. I've always hid behind my talents and just walked away from the issues, one the sole reasons that I did not want people to hate me even more than they did. I rarely stand up for what I beleive in, because of my insecurities, and thats where I started when I came here in the fall of '08'. Since then I have gained more confidence in myself and felt more good about things in my life, one of the main contributers of that is Dance Club. I never gave myself confidence in dance, and the club itself helped me gain that to the point that I'm thinking that I am actually half-way decent at this dancing stuff (something I used to dread and think of as my weak point in performance). I have met some great friends and last year when I was nominated for President, I was both shocked, and deeply touched that people thought of me that way. I would go into more reasons why I feel the way I currenlly do, but I feel like I have said my fill and I will express my issues in my meeting tomorrow morning. I will not tell you guys how it went, for the moment it is between the SGA advisor, the officers and I.
I am not a victim. I am not a bad guy either. I'm just a person that has concerns.
And now, I really don't care anymore what people will say, you can take this anyway you feel like you should, negative or positive. You can give me all the dirty looks you want, you can ignore me all you want! I will still walk in with my head held high knowing that I am standing up for what I believe in and I have spoken my mind.