Sucky, Mucky, Yucky, just NOT a good day at all!
Hey again.
This post is not at all any cheerier than my last post. Today was just the icing on the cake to just a bad week and a horrible day.
1. I am just not feeling well emotionally, like I'm not sick, but just idk, something
2. I am homesick. I miss my friends and family at home, and just my friend missing all of us makes it that Saturday will never come until I see him.
3. Guys just suck ass. Plain and simple. I know that I should not be jealous or mad or whatever, I'm just kinda angry at myself and inda smaking myself that all this time, me trying to seem to him as obtainable and worth a shot, he was really eyeing someone else and asked HER out instead. They are just confusing human beings and I just can't really catch a break
AND to top it all off:
4. I am planning on seeing my best friend on Saturday who is as homesick as I am and we just miss each other. I just got a message from him that he might have the flu, which means in my mind, that maybe our Saturday outing is going to be moot and I will not be able to see him, but in reality I REALLY need to see him and seek comfort!
Now I am happy for him and my friend in which he chose, but in my mind it's just fuckwittage (I read too many books...10 points for anyone who can guess right what "fuckwittage" is from), and all the things he have shown me, was just confusing now and had to signifigance whatsoever.
I guess I'm just an idiot to think that ANYONE had a small inklink of actually being attracted to me. Why can't I have people following me, instead of the opposite? Why can't for once in my life, have someone who feels the same for me, as I do for him? I feel, in a way a failiure who just can't do anything right.
Is it too much to ask for a relationship with someone? Looks like it is for me. I'm not confident in the least, I can be awkward, and I am the BIGGEST chicken you will ever meet (emphasis on BIGGEST).
All I want is to feel those feelinga a girlfriend gets. Liked, worthwhile, pretty.
I know it may seem like I am keeping my guard down for a guy, but it's just hard for me to be like this, Most people I know can NOT feel the same way I do. Just about everyone I know has been in a relationship before. I have NEVER been in one, so those who say I feel for you, YOU CAN'T!
I have no idea how to be a girlfriend. I don't know what to look for in a man/guy/whatever those humans with the peni are called. I just don't know, and I am SICK and TIRED of waiting and looking for someone.
I know I have had people say don't try too hard, that it will come to you when you least expect it, well FUCK THAT! I have tried that, and guess what? IT DID NOT WORK! I am still alone, I am still not catching anyone's eye.
I am so depressed right now, that I just want to get into my bed and cry and cry until Saturday when I know I could be cheered up if it works in my way, I REALLY HOPE it does go in my way.
Now I don't know weither to go to work tonight becuase of it. I mean it is money, but is it worth my sanity? Both of them are runing it and it is a fun night, but that was partyly becuase I'd doll up and try to impress him. I kinda can't now!
I lose. Not the game. I just lose
FML!!!!
This post is not at all any cheerier than my last post. Today was just the icing on the cake to just a bad week and a horrible day.
1. I am just not feeling well emotionally, like I'm not sick, but just idk, something
2. I am homesick. I miss my friends and family at home, and just my friend missing all of us makes it that Saturday will never come until I see him.
3. Guys just suck ass. Plain and simple. I know that I should not be jealous or mad or whatever, I'm just kinda angry at myself and inda smaking myself that all this time, me trying to seem to him as obtainable and worth a shot, he was really eyeing someone else and asked HER out instead. They are just confusing human beings and I just can't really catch a break
AND to top it all off:
4. I am planning on seeing my best friend on Saturday who is as homesick as I am and we just miss each other. I just got a message from him that he might have the flu, which means in my mind, that maybe our Saturday outing is going to be moot and I will not be able to see him, but in reality I REALLY need to see him and seek comfort!
Now I am happy for him and my friend in which he chose, but in my mind it's just fuckwittage (I read too many books...10 points for anyone who can guess right what "fuckwittage" is from), and all the things he have shown me, was just confusing now and had to signifigance whatsoever.
I guess I'm just an idiot to think that ANYONE had a small inklink of actually being attracted to me. Why can't I have people following me, instead of the opposite? Why can't for once in my life, have someone who feels the same for me, as I do for him? I feel, in a way a failiure who just can't do anything right.
Is it too much to ask for a relationship with someone? Looks like it is for me. I'm not confident in the least, I can be awkward, and I am the BIGGEST chicken you will ever meet (emphasis on BIGGEST).
All I want is to feel those feelinga a girlfriend gets. Liked, worthwhile, pretty.
I know it may seem like I am keeping my guard down for a guy, but it's just hard for me to be like this, Most people I know can NOT feel the same way I do. Just about everyone I know has been in a relationship before. I have NEVER been in one, so those who say I feel for you, YOU CAN'T!
I have no idea how to be a girlfriend. I don't know what to look for in a man/guy/whatever those humans with the peni are called. I just don't know, and I am SICK and TIRED of waiting and looking for someone.
I know I have had people say don't try too hard, that it will come to you when you least expect it, well FUCK THAT! I have tried that, and guess what? IT DID NOT WORK! I am still alone, I am still not catching anyone's eye.
I am so depressed right now, that I just want to get into my bed and cry and cry until Saturday when I know I could be cheered up if it works in my way, I REALLY HOPE it does go in my way.
Now I don't know weither to go to work tonight becuase of it. I mean it is money, but is it worth my sanity? Both of them are runing it and it is a fun night, but that was partyly becuase I'd doll up and try to impress him. I kinda can't now!
I lose. Not the game. I just lose
FML!!!!