Hey, look, a journal.
So, some of you may have been wondering where I've been for a while. Well.
First off, I moved out of my old apartment. The apartment was wonderful in many ways: it was very very central (literally thirty seconds' walk from the main drag of Wellington), it was no bigger or smaller than I needed, and the power bill was always low. However, the one major issue was that the rent was paid by my fiance. And, once my fiance became my ex-fiance, there was not much that I could do except move out. It was going to be him or me, and if it was hi that went, I'd be unable to pay the rent.
Over the course of a week, I stopped by the apartment when he wasn't around, and started moving my things out. It culminated on a Saturday afternoon where Caleb and I co-opted one of his friends and we shifted everything else out. All that I left behind, I think, were some drinking glasses, and I wasn't going to miss those enough to be too concerned. And now, to a certain degree, I'm homeless. I've spent every morning waking up next to Caleb, which is wonderful, and something I could get used to. But I haven't moved in, because That Is a Terrible Idea. Two and a half months of dating is no solid foundation for that.
So, that's pretty crazy (or at least I am).
As well as that, I seem to be roped in to the middle of drama. Sometimes, it seems that I'm caught up in the middle of a big pile of scandal and insanity, and am forced to act as Agony Aunt for everybody I know (usually, it seems, because I like puzzles, and people assume that extends to social puzzles as well. It doesn't). This situation is bad on a number of levels. Firstly, it's because I'm not a hugely sympathetic person, really. I can solve problems, but after a certain point my reaction is 'Stop making noise, I really couldn't be less concerned about what Jared McAnnoying said'. Then I try to chew off my own ears. This response is more pronounced when the problems are totally unnecessary, as most of these ones lately seem to have been. Secondly, this is bad because I have a certain ability to go from totally uninterested to gossip queen in a matter of hours. If I remove myself from scandal, I remove myself from being a terrible person. Simple as that. Thirdly, the assumption seems to be that if I'm working on others' problems, I can't possibly have any of my own.
I'm taking a break from the crazy world of scandal. I'm not going to help solve problems, or get interested in dilemmas, or ignore my own issues. I'm going to take a well-earned break and read a book and drink tea. I will listen to music and relax.
So, that's also pretty crazy (or I am even more so).
The weirdest part of this is that the crazy hasn't just been localised to my immediate vicinity. For the last week or so, Wellington has felt strange, like a powder keg that's just waiting to go off. Everyone seems to be on the brink of snapping. If it continues, I predict random and senseless violence will start flaring up. The nights have been darker, and the darkness has been palpable. It's like Gotham City after the Joker starts wreaking havoc, or New York City in 'Watchmen'. The whole world feels dangerous, like the lunatics are in charge and the only people you ever see, or worse - something is turning everybody, no matter how sane, that bit closer to the edge. Caleb was feeling closed in a few nights ago, and there was very little to help him. Relationships are crumbling like dry sandcastles, relationships that were meant to be solid. Priorities are reversed.
If this sounds scary, it should. I'm actually a little nervous in this city at the moment. I'm glad most of you are out of it.
I was having a discussion with a good friend about an innocuous topic, and he disagreed with me. It wasn't important, something about his reasons for joining a club, and we disagreed. My friend, and suddenly all I wanted to do was punch him in the face.
First off, I moved out of my old apartment. The apartment was wonderful in many ways: it was very very central (literally thirty seconds' walk from the main drag of Wellington), it was no bigger or smaller than I needed, and the power bill was always low. However, the one major issue was that the rent was paid by my fiance. And, once my fiance became my ex-fiance, there was not much that I could do except move out. It was going to be him or me, and if it was hi that went, I'd be unable to pay the rent.
Over the course of a week, I stopped by the apartment when he wasn't around, and started moving my things out. It culminated on a Saturday afternoon where Caleb and I co-opted one of his friends and we shifted everything else out. All that I left behind, I think, were some drinking glasses, and I wasn't going to miss those enough to be too concerned. And now, to a certain degree, I'm homeless. I've spent every morning waking up next to Caleb, which is wonderful, and something I could get used to. But I haven't moved in, because That Is a Terrible Idea. Two and a half months of dating is no solid foundation for that.
So, that's pretty crazy (or at least I am).
As well as that, I seem to be roped in to the middle of drama. Sometimes, it seems that I'm caught up in the middle of a big pile of scandal and insanity, and am forced to act as Agony Aunt for everybody I know (usually, it seems, because I like puzzles, and people assume that extends to social puzzles as well. It doesn't). This situation is bad on a number of levels. Firstly, it's because I'm not a hugely sympathetic person, really. I can solve problems, but after a certain point my reaction is 'Stop making noise, I really couldn't be less concerned about what Jared McAnnoying said'. Then I try to chew off my own ears. This response is more pronounced when the problems are totally unnecessary, as most of these ones lately seem to have been. Secondly, this is bad because I have a certain ability to go from totally uninterested to gossip queen in a matter of hours. If I remove myself from scandal, I remove myself from being a terrible person. Simple as that. Thirdly, the assumption seems to be that if I'm working on others' problems, I can't possibly have any of my own.
I'm taking a break from the crazy world of scandal. I'm not going to help solve problems, or get interested in dilemmas, or ignore my own issues. I'm going to take a well-earned break and read a book and drink tea. I will listen to music and relax.
So, that's also pretty crazy (or I am even more so).
The weirdest part of this is that the crazy hasn't just been localised to my immediate vicinity. For the last week or so, Wellington has felt strange, like a powder keg that's just waiting to go off. Everyone seems to be on the brink of snapping. If it continues, I predict random and senseless violence will start flaring up. The nights have been darker, and the darkness has been palpable. It's like Gotham City after the Joker starts wreaking havoc, or New York City in 'Watchmen'. The whole world feels dangerous, like the lunatics are in charge and the only people you ever see, or worse - something is turning everybody, no matter how sane, that bit closer to the edge. Caleb was feeling closed in a few nights ago, and there was very little to help him. Relationships are crumbling like dry sandcastles, relationships that were meant to be solid. Priorities are reversed.
If this sounds scary, it should. I'm actually a little nervous in this city at the moment. I'm glad most of you are out of it.
I was having a discussion with a good friend about an innocuous topic, and he disagreed with me. It wasn't important, something about his reasons for joining a club, and we disagreed. My friend, and suddenly all I wanted to do was punch him in the face.