because Im drunk

Apr 11, 2008 02:22

Ive been thinkin alot and you know what.. i really dont get it but there was a point these past few days when I looked at you and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Then once again you pulled away from me and shut me out and now.. i dont know how to feel. I wish that this wasnt complicated and I really dont know why it is.. you love me I love you.. it should be simple but you wont tell me why its not. You just tell me you dont know and I dont like that answer any more but i dont say nothing cause I just want what you to do whatever will make you happy. You'll read this and I dont know what you think about it... I dont even know if I care any more. this is the first day when i havent spent all day thinkin about you and it scares me Im not even gonna lie. but maybe its a good thing. Maybe I need to just let you go. But I know that if I did you would hurt so badly so I dont want to. I dont ever want you to have any regrets about this relationship. But you know I'll treat you right and you know that I will always make you happy no matter what... wasnt I the one that made you smile every time you cried. Help me to understand whats going on so that I cant know. I dont know what to do. you tell me were just friends then spend 2 days makin love to me and tellin me im beautiful and you love me and you expect me to not fall for you again? I hope you didnt. cause I did. I just want you. thats all Ive ever wanted. I want you to be happy and I want to be yours. I want to wake up to you every day fall asleep in your arms every night and just know that Im the only girl for you... but Im not and I dont know what else I need to do to prove to you that Im the one. Maybe thats just it. Maybe I just need you to figure it out. Maybe Im just not the one for you cause if I was I think you would have captured me already. You say that my lips breast and pussy are yours but what about my heart and my soul. Do you not want them as well or is this just physical. If it is then please let me know. If you want the whole package then I will wait for you no matter what it takes, i think Ive shown you that. These past 3 years have been the hardest three years of my life I never knew that I could feel so much for someone. Dont get me wrong I have loved hanging out with you and gettin to know you and gettin you to feel more comfortable with me but whats next. whats going on. Im so tired of being lost and confused and letting you make all the decisions about our relationship but I just dont know what else to do I really dont. Your no help with hiding your feelings and I know you take a while to open up but 3 years come on. And i know slowly but surely you are but what else do i have to do to prove to you that I wont break your heart and hurt you. Tell me so that I'll know and if there is nothing else the tell me what I need to do cause I thought everything was right and still I sit here with all these questions. I know I want you. I know that I love you. I know that I will do anything for you and I have most definately proved all of this to you you even told your cousin I was the only one who had never upset you or hurt you so whats going on.

This really cant be this difficult.. but I would like to know what scares you so much? Is it cause I know you better then yourself sometimes is it because I am so 'perfect' that your scared of it or is it because you just dont like something about me.

I dont know but tonight Im wearing your ring and Im going to sleep in nothing but your jacket and im going to think about you because its the only thing that helps me to sleep at night and its the only thing that I know is a constant.

I need... stability.
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