5 Things.
1. I'm tired of the house being messy because you don't want to get out of bed to a messy house. It's a cycle. I've tried to get us started on really cleaning this place up, but you'd rather spend hours a day online reading articles and watching videos. You let the kids make messes as they please without demanding them to accountability, so the mess grows exponentially. As a result, we can't have friends come over because you'd freak out. I don't really want friends over because if they did come, there's no place to sit. You still insist on waiting for the perfect couch when I'd like something to sit on right now that's free/cheap.
2. I tire of the way your past life with your ex-husband affects our current life. He does something by action or inaction and it screws up your mood for the entire day, and we have little time together. I wish I wasn't paying for the shit the two of you have caused. Our stability at home with our kids will always be contingent on information you receive about the father of your first three children.
3. I hate the cat. Not because it's a cat, but because everyone except me insists on his value to the household with no attention to maintenance. The litterbox isn't kept well. He's fed when it's convenient for us. He drinks from the toilets and sinks because he's not given water. He sheds and we don't vacuum regularly so there's hair on everything. Clothes... Beds... There's only so much a washing machine can do. I'm tired of paying for him so I can find cat shit in my studio when he doesn't feel like using his overfull litterbox. And, again, closing the door to the studio doesn't allow the house to be heated evenly.
4. I'm really upset that our date night is ruled by the TV schedule. I despise having to cut our night short because we have to be home for you to see a program. I would truly rather you taped it or downloaded it, both of which we're capable.
5. Neither of us were ready for a baby. We already know that and our mistakes are in the past. As it is right now, I'm the sole breadwinner in our household. I feel like I'm doing an alright job considering the quality of life of which we're capable. Rent's paid. Utilities are on. Your internet is on without fail. I pay for a landline we don't use so we can have TV I don't watch. No one is hungry. What does it require of us? I have to go to work. I have built my career thus far doing what I enjoy, as much as it can be enjoyed. My career of playing music and teaching music means I playing the guitar a lot, I have to go to bars and restaurants a lot, I have to travel a lot, and I have to talk to a lot of people.
You're jealous of this. I can't fix that. We have a child that needs care and we can't afford child care, nor do I want to put our baby in strange hands. You display extraordinary unhappiness that these things are what is often required of me to do my work, sometimes without you. It's what I chased after and now HAVE to do. I can't always take my wife and baby with me. I would, but I'm not at that level of success right now.
What I want to do is take you all wherever I go and have food prepared that accommodates your dietary needs and a place to stay that doesn't include sharing a small room with a bunch of guys. I want you there. I CAN'T always take you. I'm sorry. If I continue to work, I might reach a point where that can happen. For me to do this, I NEED you to care of our household and baby. I fully understand losing your identity because of our circumstance. I truly am in the same boat. In my work life, that's not true. My identity as a musician has not changed much. Most of my work time is spent playing what other want me to play. I don't write my own music anymore. I don't even play my own music anymore. I want to get back there. I NEED you to help me.
I know you feel like your identity came from your friends. I'm in full support of you getting in touch with them. Tell me what you need to make that happen and I'm there. If you feel you can't talk to them, I don't know how to help.
It's really hard to listen to you complain about being a mother. I agree the work is more demanding of you than me in terms of babysitting. But, if your conscience once told you we have to have this baby, this is having the baby and I'm trying to provide the best I can. I knew way back then you would carry this resentment and I can't tell if it's just sporadic or something you always carry with you. Either way, we can't help it now and we have to learn to be gracious and happy with what we've created for ourselves.
2. I tire of the way your past life with your ex-husband affects our current life. He does something by action or inaction and it screws up your mood for the entire day, and we have little time together. I wish I wasn't paying for the shit the two of you have caused. Our stability at home with our kids will always be contingent on information you receive about the father of your first three children.
3. I hate the cat. Not because it's a cat, but because everyone except me insists on his value to the household with no attention to maintenance. The litterbox isn't kept well. He's fed when it's convenient for us. He drinks from the toilets and sinks because he's not given water. He sheds and we don't vacuum regularly so there's hair on everything. Clothes... Beds... There's only so much a washing machine can do. I'm tired of paying for him so I can find cat shit in my studio when he doesn't feel like using his overfull litterbox. And, again, closing the door to the studio doesn't allow the house to be heated evenly.
4. I'm really upset that our date night is ruled by the TV schedule. I despise having to cut our night short because we have to be home for you to see a program. I would truly rather you taped it or downloaded it, both of which we're capable.
5. Neither of us were ready for a baby. We already know that and our mistakes are in the past. As it is right now, I'm the sole breadwinner in our household. I feel like I'm doing an alright job considering the quality of life of which we're capable. Rent's paid. Utilities are on. Your internet is on without fail. I pay for a landline we don't use so we can have TV I don't watch. No one is hungry. What does it require of us? I have to go to work. I have built my career thus far doing what I enjoy, as much as it can be enjoyed. My career of playing music and teaching music means I playing the guitar a lot, I have to go to bars and restaurants a lot, I have to travel a lot, and I have to talk to a lot of people.
You're jealous of this. I can't fix that. We have a child that needs care and we can't afford child care, nor do I want to put our baby in strange hands. You display extraordinary unhappiness that these things are what is often required of me to do my work, sometimes without you. It's what I chased after and now HAVE to do. I can't always take my wife and baby with me. I would, but I'm not at that level of success right now.
What I want to do is take you all wherever I go and have food prepared that accommodates your dietary needs and a place to stay that doesn't include sharing a small room with a bunch of guys. I want you there. I CAN'T always take you. I'm sorry. If I continue to work, I might reach a point where that can happen. For me to do this, I NEED you to care of our household and baby. I fully understand losing your identity because of our circumstance. I truly am in the same boat. In my work life, that's not true. My identity as a musician has not changed much. Most of my work time is spent playing what other want me to play. I don't write my own music anymore. I don't even play my own music anymore. I want to get back there. I NEED you to help me.
I know you feel like your identity came from your friends. I'm in full support of you getting in touch with them. Tell me what you need to make that happen and I'm there. If you feel you can't talk to them, I don't know how to help.
It's really hard to listen to you complain about being a mother. I agree the work is more demanding of you than me in terms of babysitting. But, if your conscience once told you we have to have this baby, this is having the baby and I'm trying to provide the best I can. I knew way back then you would carry this resentment and I can't tell if it's just sporadic or something you always carry with you. Either way, we can't help it now and we have to learn to be gracious and happy with what we've created for ourselves.