A New Existence
I have told Mandy that I'm unwilling to get into a serious romantic relationship.
She appears deeply upset with me at times. More recently she seems to accept my current stance, but the disappointment lingers.
I've tried to explain to her that I feel I would definitely cause deeper and more intense damage by making a commitment to her at this time. It's certainly not that I am uninterested in Mandy. Sharolynn would also like me to give myself to her. I've told her the same thing. I can't do this right now. Sharolynn seems alright with this, but maybe she thinks she has an edge on Mandy...
I find myself incapable of the type of love that a relationship like this would require. I would like to feel that way again, but I don't know how to get back there. That love requires faith and hope that I don't have right now. It's been really hard for me because those are things that I have firmly believed in for a long time.
I find myself disinterested in sex and fearful of females. I'm starting to think that all women suffer from insanity and selfishness.
So, what's to be done?
I don't believe that I should have to isolate myself to spending time with only one or the other, especially since I currently don't have any romantic intentions with either of them.
Mandy seems to think that I'm going to select between the two of them and it's not true. Even if there were three or five, I still wouldn't choose.
Though I probably shouldn't admit it, if it was a choice of the two, I feel mostly drawn to Mandy when she's happy and not so self-deprecating.
Sometimes I think she loves me because of the way I make her feel about herself...
I've considered vanishing and ceasing contact with both of them, but I feel like I have the courage to stay honest and communicate. Regardless, of the fact that I look like the bad guy on Mandy's blog...
She appears deeply upset with me at times. More recently she seems to accept my current stance, but the disappointment lingers.
I've tried to explain to her that I feel I would definitely cause deeper and more intense damage by making a commitment to her at this time. It's certainly not that I am uninterested in Mandy. Sharolynn would also like me to give myself to her. I've told her the same thing. I can't do this right now. Sharolynn seems alright with this, but maybe she thinks she has an edge on Mandy...
I find myself incapable of the type of love that a relationship like this would require. I would like to feel that way again, but I don't know how to get back there. That love requires faith and hope that I don't have right now. It's been really hard for me because those are things that I have firmly believed in for a long time.
I find myself disinterested in sex and fearful of females. I'm starting to think that all women suffer from insanity and selfishness.
So, what's to be done?
I don't believe that I should have to isolate myself to spending time with only one or the other, especially since I currently don't have any romantic intentions with either of them.
Mandy seems to think that I'm going to select between the two of them and it's not true. Even if there were three or five, I still wouldn't choose.
Though I probably shouldn't admit it, if it was a choice of the two, I feel mostly drawn to Mandy when she's happy and not so self-deprecating.
Sometimes I think she loves me because of the way I make her feel about herself...
I've considered vanishing and ceasing contact with both of them, but I feel like I have the courage to stay honest and communicate. Regardless, of the fact that I look like the bad guy on Mandy's blog...