blind
i guess we don't really like each other that much - i mean, if i don't care that he was so sweet to bring fruit and basil to make me a drink tonight, then i guess it doesn't really matter that that Satelite song reminds me of him, and that I spent a week creating a poster about it for him.
because instead of this being about how i'm upset he was late again, it's about how we really aren't that grateful of one another's presence in our lives. who cares if i wanted him to come over tonight because i thought it'd be a good way to mend our rough morning, i don't care if he didn't make it home last night after he'd been drinking - he doesn't care that i was worried. oh yeah, i was irritated earlier because he didn't tell me he was going to be 2 hours late again - silly me, i don't actually give a fuck about whether he shows up or not. hmm, what else does he do for me that i don't care about? oh yeah, that beautiful Tiffany's necklace that he bought me for christmas last year - i never wear it because i must not be thinking about us when i open my jewelry box every day, thinking that i'll wear it once things are right for us again. he also created a pretty picture of some rocks by the coast of santa cruz when we went there on a date a long time ago - i put it up today even though i really could care less about it. that reminds me: i print photos of us sometimes, along with our friends, and his family so that he could keep as a memory - he probably never looks at them. i want for us to go to something corporate together on saturday, i want us to go to the beach with our puppy and listen to ira glass and then come home to hours of madmen after a home-cooked dinner: wishful thinking. when i spend a little extra time curling my hair, or wear cute underwear, it's not for you - of course not, you wouldn't do that for me.
all of this is fake anyway. "sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry, i'll never do it again", "you do the same thing", "you too". nobody ever wins. we just don't care that much about anybody else but ourselves.
because instead of this being about how i'm upset he was late again, it's about how we really aren't that grateful of one another's presence in our lives. who cares if i wanted him to come over tonight because i thought it'd be a good way to mend our rough morning, i don't care if he didn't make it home last night after he'd been drinking - he doesn't care that i was worried. oh yeah, i was irritated earlier because he didn't tell me he was going to be 2 hours late again - silly me, i don't actually give a fuck about whether he shows up or not. hmm, what else does he do for me that i don't care about? oh yeah, that beautiful Tiffany's necklace that he bought me for christmas last year - i never wear it because i must not be thinking about us when i open my jewelry box every day, thinking that i'll wear it once things are right for us again. he also created a pretty picture of some rocks by the coast of santa cruz when we went there on a date a long time ago - i put it up today even though i really could care less about it. that reminds me: i print photos of us sometimes, along with our friends, and his family so that he could keep as a memory - he probably never looks at them. i want for us to go to something corporate together on saturday, i want us to go to the beach with our puppy and listen to ira glass and then come home to hours of madmen after a home-cooked dinner: wishful thinking. when i spend a little extra time curling my hair, or wear cute underwear, it's not for you - of course not, you wouldn't do that for me.
all of this is fake anyway. "sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry, i'll never do it again", "you do the same thing", "you too". nobody ever wins. we just don't care that much about anybody else but ourselves.