- where have i been -
damn - it has been ages since i last came here - and from the date of the previous post it seems that it has been almost a whole year since the last time i posted.
oh well - soo soo much has happened since i have been here - i have been through a really funky relationship - that basically scared the crap outta me. i did many things that were wrong on my part and i know that it hurt alot of people - and i have reached a major milestone in my life which has changed the way alot of my former friends percieve me and all - which is kinda dumb.
roxanne and i broke up - but only after a very serious encounter - where she (which she didnt realize) came pretty damn close to death.
I am the type of person that doesnt get angry - i had major anger problems in the past but those have been worked out by the help of therapists - parents - and above all - God
i have been able to control my anger and express myself in better ways than flippin meh lid
and most people who know me - know that i dont get angry
even in the worse times - i have been able to control my anger and just sit there and take shit like it comes
but oh well
roxanne had moved in with me when i lived in my apartment in winchendon - and things seemed just peachy - granted there was like a fight or argument like almost everynight - which is not normal for me - because i am totally flexible and can almost compromise in every situation where we both are happy
but no - with roxanne - she was never happy - and that killed me - because my goal is to make sure that my girlfriend is happy- because when she is happy - i am happy - so we all win
there was one week in which she got me pissed like every night - and there was no getting through to her - i tried getting her to express herself but no - she even went to lengths to taking my knife and cutting up teddy bears that i had - ones that i purchased and ones that were given to me - i now have none thanks to her. i tried to let that pass but she kept bringing it up and talk major shit - one night especially she had me totally heated to the point that i was afraid i was about to do something that i would regret - so in order to control myself - i gathered most of my knives and swords and decided to take a walk
i walked like a mile or two north - to a some body of water - i forgot how to spell it but its called lake monamonac - or something like that - and to save her from anything and me too - i just threw all my blades as far out as i can so that i can get rid of them - granted the following weekend i packed all her shit and drove her home and left her.
regretfully - that was the only way to get through to her - it hurt me just as bad to do that to her - because when i cant come up with the words to express the way i feel - i get aggravated and distraught.
that was the end of roxanne - granted - she basically told all my former friends (who she knew) a whole bunch of bullshit just to make them feel sorry for her - and then cause them to hate me - only seeing me as the bad guy - that is basically why i disappeared for an ill minute. couldnt deal with that..
she also denies the fact that she basically sent two bruddas to try and beat some sense into me on her behalf - granted - they met a horrible fact - i am not one to trifle with when i am on the receiving end of a pyschotic bitch's hatred. they figured that i would be a easy case - which they found was wrong - one i believe is still nursing a broken clavicle. i dont put up with that shit - they both came to me at seperate times stating the same thing - that they were here on roxanne's behalf - THEY CLEARLY STATED IT!!! - yet she denies the fact..
and she keeps claiming that i still have some of her stuff that she wants back and that she will take me to small claims court if she had too???
WHAT KINDA SHIT IS THAT!!!! i really dont know wat goes through her mind - which i splainly the reason for me to leave her and her thoughts to herself - cuz i truly wont deal with it.
but now
onto the much happier side of phill's life
i made new friends and rekindled old friendships to survive - which is wat i am happy for.
i have an awesome job which pays well - i have an awesome car which drives well - and i have an awesome house to live in with my fiance and her kids.
many people find that wrong that i am with a woman who already has two kids and is older than me - but the really factor is love - i love her - she loves me - and its not like she is WAY older than me - she only got married and pregnant at an early age - we never have major issues which is doubly awesome - and we work for the same company (but in different departments) which makes this totally awesome. i truly love my life - and most people who knew me from the past can honestly tell you that i am totally happy. there can be nothing now that will bring me down from my pedestal of happiness. i sincerely doubt it.
i truly love angie (yes that is her name) i have known her for years - and she has been an awesome friend - its only recently that we ended up getting together and then a few months later decide to get married - but we are still giving it a year - the planned date is september 15 2007. that works for both of us
but its great to be back and alive with all meh new and old friends
oh well - soo soo much has happened since i have been here - i have been through a really funky relationship - that basically scared the crap outta me. i did many things that were wrong on my part and i know that it hurt alot of people - and i have reached a major milestone in my life which has changed the way alot of my former friends percieve me and all - which is kinda dumb.
roxanne and i broke up - but only after a very serious encounter - where she (which she didnt realize) came pretty damn close to death.
I am the type of person that doesnt get angry - i had major anger problems in the past but those have been worked out by the help of therapists - parents - and above all - God
i have been able to control my anger and express myself in better ways than flippin meh lid
and most people who know me - know that i dont get angry
even in the worse times - i have been able to control my anger and just sit there and take shit like it comes
but oh well
roxanne had moved in with me when i lived in my apartment in winchendon - and things seemed just peachy - granted there was like a fight or argument like almost everynight - which is not normal for me - because i am totally flexible and can almost compromise in every situation where we both are happy
but no - with roxanne - she was never happy - and that killed me - because my goal is to make sure that my girlfriend is happy- because when she is happy - i am happy - so we all win
there was one week in which she got me pissed like every night - and there was no getting through to her - i tried getting her to express herself but no - she even went to lengths to taking my knife and cutting up teddy bears that i had - ones that i purchased and ones that were given to me - i now have none thanks to her. i tried to let that pass but she kept bringing it up and talk major shit - one night especially she had me totally heated to the point that i was afraid i was about to do something that i would regret - so in order to control myself - i gathered most of my knives and swords and decided to take a walk
i walked like a mile or two north - to a some body of water - i forgot how to spell it but its called lake monamonac - or something like that - and to save her from anything and me too - i just threw all my blades as far out as i can so that i can get rid of them - granted the following weekend i packed all her shit and drove her home and left her.
regretfully - that was the only way to get through to her - it hurt me just as bad to do that to her - because when i cant come up with the words to express the way i feel - i get aggravated and distraught.
that was the end of roxanne - granted - she basically told all my former friends (who she knew) a whole bunch of bullshit just to make them feel sorry for her - and then cause them to hate me - only seeing me as the bad guy - that is basically why i disappeared for an ill minute. couldnt deal with that..
she also denies the fact that she basically sent two bruddas to try and beat some sense into me on her behalf - granted - they met a horrible fact - i am not one to trifle with when i am on the receiving end of a pyschotic bitch's hatred. they figured that i would be a easy case - which they found was wrong - one i believe is still nursing a broken clavicle. i dont put up with that shit - they both came to me at seperate times stating the same thing - that they were here on roxanne's behalf - THEY CLEARLY STATED IT!!! - yet she denies the fact..
and she keeps claiming that i still have some of her stuff that she wants back and that she will take me to small claims court if she had too???
WHAT KINDA SHIT IS THAT!!!! i really dont know wat goes through her mind - which i splainly the reason for me to leave her and her thoughts to herself - cuz i truly wont deal with it.
but now
onto the much happier side of phill's life
i made new friends and rekindled old friendships to survive - which is wat i am happy for.
i have an awesome job which pays well - i have an awesome car which drives well - and i have an awesome house to live in with my fiance and her kids.
many people find that wrong that i am with a woman who already has two kids and is older than me - but the really factor is love - i love her - she loves me - and its not like she is WAY older than me - she only got married and pregnant at an early age - we never have major issues which is doubly awesome - and we work for the same company (but in different departments) which makes this totally awesome. i truly love my life - and most people who knew me from the past can honestly tell you that i am totally happy. there can be nothing now that will bring me down from my pedestal of happiness. i sincerely doubt it.
i truly love angie (yes that is her name) i have known her for years - and she has been an awesome friend - its only recently that we ended up getting together and then a few months later decide to get married - but we are still giving it a year - the planned date is september 15 2007. that works for both of us
but its great to be back and alive with all meh new and old friends