Can't stop smiling
So ...
I CAN'T STOP SMILING!!!
For a number of reasons.
I think some of the most important, that I am finally accepting me. I mean I've always been very sure of who I am and where I'm going. Just I've gotten into this horrible rut with my self-esteem. And I know why. I read this book called Addictive Relationships..read some of it w/kt too...and it's been right on. Like to the EXTREME! My friends and family tell me that I'm wonderful and beautiful, but I feel like they are biased. They have to say those things to me. The only person who's opinion matters to me, I don't get. (that would be Nick). But I realized that I can't rely on that. Ya he's my boyfriend, but ya know what I need to know it myself. I need to love myself for who I am. I can't keep comparing myself to his ideal of "hott". Because I will never be happy. And I realize that I will always be more beautiful than some and less beautiful than others. I realize that. And I'M HAPPY!!! UGH. Such a relief. I know this sounds so common sense but to ACTUALIZE it is different. I walked across campus happy and smiling today.....I always am wondering what other people are thinking of me, how they are judging me,but not today. I never used to do that. I remember walking across campus my freshman year of high school not caring what anyone but God and I thought of me. And I was happy and no one else cared. No ones of opinion of me could shake me. Now I just want everyone to always love me and to understand where I'm coming from. But I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!! Think what you want. Say what you want. I know who I am. And I LOVE IT!
I don't need anyone's approval but my own. And Goddess and God accept whoever and whatever I chose to do. So do I. Whatever I chose to experience and do...is my own. I own it. It is me. I am it.
I am okay on my own. I don't need anybody to take care of me. I have me. I have parents who love and do that.
Um okay so I know I may have needed the help of another man to realize this completely, but I don't mind. He's taught me about myself. That I'm not ordinary. He appreciates me. For my intelligence and the person I am and will be. To hear a man who is the most intellectual person I've ever met(who I deeply respect) say that --meant a lot. It made me realize that...he didn't have to say it. He's not my teacher (anymore) he's a friend. A friend who doesn't have to say those things. But did. Because he meant them.
And the sun was out. That's always a sign for me. That someone's smiling down upon me..........
haha. I can't stop laughing and smiling to myself.
Thank you Goddess and God for this beautiful day. :)
Hope you all are enjoying that the rain has stopped for now.....
Deep peace and brightest blessings always
Love always
~Maria
I CAN'T STOP SMILING!!!
For a number of reasons.
I think some of the most important, that I am finally accepting me. I mean I've always been very sure of who I am and where I'm going. Just I've gotten into this horrible rut with my self-esteem. And I know why. I read this book called Addictive Relationships..read some of it w/kt too...and it's been right on. Like to the EXTREME! My friends and family tell me that I'm wonderful and beautiful, but I feel like they are biased. They have to say those things to me. The only person who's opinion matters to me, I don't get. (that would be Nick). But I realized that I can't rely on that. Ya he's my boyfriend, but ya know what I need to know it myself. I need to love myself for who I am. I can't keep comparing myself to his ideal of "hott". Because I will never be happy. And I realize that I will always be more beautiful than some and less beautiful than others. I realize that. And I'M HAPPY!!! UGH. Such a relief. I know this sounds so common sense but to ACTUALIZE it is different. I walked across campus happy and smiling today.....I always am wondering what other people are thinking of me, how they are judging me,but not today. I never used to do that. I remember walking across campus my freshman year of high school not caring what anyone but God and I thought of me. And I was happy and no one else cared. No ones of opinion of me could shake me. Now I just want everyone to always love me and to understand where I'm coming from. But I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!! Think what you want. Say what you want. I know who I am. And I LOVE IT!
I don't need anyone's approval but my own. And Goddess and God accept whoever and whatever I chose to do. So do I. Whatever I chose to experience and do...is my own. I own it. It is me. I am it.
I am okay on my own. I don't need anybody to take care of me. I have me. I have parents who love and do that.
Um okay so I know I may have needed the help of another man to realize this completely, but I don't mind. He's taught me about myself. That I'm not ordinary. He appreciates me. For my intelligence and the person I am and will be. To hear a man who is the most intellectual person I've ever met(who I deeply respect) say that --meant a lot. It made me realize that...he didn't have to say it. He's not my teacher (anymore) he's a friend. A friend who doesn't have to say those things. But did. Because he meant them.
And the sun was out. That's always a sign for me. That someone's smiling down upon me..........
haha. I can't stop laughing and smiling to myself.
Thank you Goddess and God for this beautiful day. :)
Hope you all are enjoying that the rain has stopped for now.....
Deep peace and brightest blessings always
Love always
~Maria