A wish...
I wish I had a special place. A place that has been in and with me for a time, during all my past times. But I don't have one, any at all really. I just want a place were I can remember without any hurt, without that empty yet stormy feeling I feel with my memories. It's painful. But I don't think having a quite serene corner in this world would really make much of a difference. After all, it all gets paved over, knocked down, or torn up in one way or another.
But I suppose I do have somewhat of a place. Several of them, in a sense. Even if they are all memories, and nothing of them exist anymore, outside of me. I only wish I could go back to them. I can't remember them for very long without feeling that ache, that pain. I remember walking everyday, delivering papers. That long walk was my insomniacs dream; it was my golden time. I would walk every day, usually alone, my mind sometimes racing, sometimes floating, sometimes drifting. That was my special place. But, I remember the last time I took that journey. Nothing was different from any other time, till I got home. Then everything was different, and would be forever.
I remember my first relationship. It was surreal, not happy, not right, but something else... something unique. I think it was not so much the relationship itself as it was my mindset. My personal peace. Of course that ended, for the better. I remember my childhood. It's just a hazy mirage now, but what wonderful things memories of youth are. That is a place I can never return to, a joy and peace that is gone. Not gone really, just replaced with other things.
I guess when I think about it, I can say I have something to call my own; a place where that peace can be found, even among the hurricanes and wars, inside and out. But it's more of a presence really, a clarity that I feel, like sun-breaks on a dark and cloudy day. And they are true, more visible to the soul than daylight is to the eyes. I guess that's why I go on. I guess that's why I will never quit. I am thankful to have certain people in my life who can show me the sun-breaks. Thank you Toneyco.
But I suppose I do have somewhat of a place. Several of them, in a sense. Even if they are all memories, and nothing of them exist anymore, outside of me. I only wish I could go back to them. I can't remember them for very long without feeling that ache, that pain. I remember walking everyday, delivering papers. That long walk was my insomniacs dream; it was my golden time. I would walk every day, usually alone, my mind sometimes racing, sometimes floating, sometimes drifting. That was my special place. But, I remember the last time I took that journey. Nothing was different from any other time, till I got home. Then everything was different, and would be forever.
I remember my first relationship. It was surreal, not happy, not right, but something else... something unique. I think it was not so much the relationship itself as it was my mindset. My personal peace. Of course that ended, for the better. I remember my childhood. It's just a hazy mirage now, but what wonderful things memories of youth are. That is a place I can never return to, a joy and peace that is gone. Not gone really, just replaced with other things.
I guess when I think about it, I can say I have something to call my own; a place where that peace can be found, even among the hurricanes and wars, inside and out. But it's more of a presence really, a clarity that I feel, like sun-breaks on a dark and cloudy day. And they are true, more visible to the soul than daylight is to the eyes. I guess that's why I go on. I guess that's why I will never quit. I am thankful to have certain people in my life who can show me the sun-breaks. Thank you Toneyco.