this movie.
it inspired passion not only for my characters' lives, but for my own
i'm not going to stay up all night pretending to be someone else
i'm not going to think about the book i would write.
i'm going to get up in the morning and be myself, i'm going to write that book, and others
i will not think about being dead, being cold and lifeless
i will not be afraid anymore
i'm going to think about helping my book not be dead
i am going to be strong for my book, i'm going to give it life.
i'm crying right now because of how strongly i feel about this.
i....i wish i had someone here to hold me though....because even though i am not going to be afraid anymore, i won't let myself become afraid
i will do it sometimes...i can only do so much....
i'm still gonna be scared when i'm alone...because i can't help it, mostly...but...there's times when i let myself be weak.
and those times are no more.
i copied and pasted these words, because they are the truest. i want to work with children, but what i also want is for people to read my book and be happy...or be sad. or be angry. but i want them to be passionate with whatever emotion they feel. i want them to feel this fire i feel right now. i want them to share it with me. i want them to love me for it, because i love them. each one. and i want them to know that, that love. i want them to feel warm, and safe. because i can't feel it without them feeling it too and giving it back to me.
i don't know when i stopped feeling safe, and warm...that's probably the anxiety. maybe some depression or other psychological/emotional/psychiatric disease too. but i'm not going to suffer anymore. today begins my rehabilitation, my therapy. it begins here. with you. yes, you reading this right now.
i've always felt that i could connect with people best through my computer, so it is here that i begin this....thing. my relationship with the world. with you reading these words. and, i hope, telling someone about them, and showing it to them, so they can read it too.
tonight i'm going to take a unisom sleeping pill at nine thirty, i'm going to be offline at ten. a few people i will text until i fall asleep, because these people already love me for other things and help me when i am in that dark cold place in my heart. tomorrow i will wake up at six o clock and begin to work to nurture this book. my baby.
please help me. love me. love my story. please.
i'm not going to stay up all night pretending to be someone else
i'm not going to think about the book i would write.
i'm going to get up in the morning and be myself, i'm going to write that book, and others
i will not think about being dead, being cold and lifeless
i will not be afraid anymore
i'm going to think about helping my book not be dead
i am going to be strong for my book, i'm going to give it life.
i'm crying right now because of how strongly i feel about this.
i....i wish i had someone here to hold me though....because even though i am not going to be afraid anymore, i won't let myself become afraid
i will do it sometimes...i can only do so much....
i'm still gonna be scared when i'm alone...because i can't help it, mostly...but...there's times when i let myself be weak.
and those times are no more.
i copied and pasted these words, because they are the truest. i want to work with children, but what i also want is for people to read my book and be happy...or be sad. or be angry. but i want them to be passionate with whatever emotion they feel. i want them to feel this fire i feel right now. i want them to share it with me. i want them to love me for it, because i love them. each one. and i want them to know that, that love. i want them to feel warm, and safe. because i can't feel it without them feeling it too and giving it back to me.
i don't know when i stopped feeling safe, and warm...that's probably the anxiety. maybe some depression or other psychological/emotional/psychiatric disease too. but i'm not going to suffer anymore. today begins my rehabilitation, my therapy. it begins here. with you. yes, you reading this right now.
i've always felt that i could connect with people best through my computer, so it is here that i begin this....thing. my relationship with the world. with you reading these words. and, i hope, telling someone about them, and showing it to them, so they can read it too.
tonight i'm going to take a unisom sleeping pill at nine thirty, i'm going to be offline at ten. a few people i will text until i fall asleep, because these people already love me for other things and help me when i am in that dark cold place in my heart. tomorrow i will wake up at six o clock and begin to work to nurture this book. my baby.
please help me. love me. love my story. please.