I've never been good about updating these damn things.
What the subject title says is true, I'm not. I always try, but then I end up never posting in them again. Well alot has happened since the last time I posted on here. Well I guess I'll start with where I can remember.
I started at UCF finally, actually now I'm in my spring semester, almost done with my first year..well kinda. Crazy shit. Anyways, I'm a BA Theatre student here, and I must say it's doing pretty good for me. I get to have a life as well as a minor in Music, which I'll start those classes probably next year. I've learned how to build sets, and I must say that's amazing to look at your work on stage, it's almost as gratifying as performing on stage...almost. I joined Swing Knights, the swing dancing club here at UCF, and I must say I love it. So far I've been to Swing Dance USA in Tampa, and over Winter break I went to Asheville North Carolina for Lindy Focus, and that was amazing, the people I met from all around the world, it was crazy. Swing dancing is so much fun, I encourage people to go out and try it.
I'm living with my best friend since 3rd grade Jessie, and I must say it's an adventure every day. Thank god we know each other so well or else we would never be able to do this. If she were just some random person I was roomed with and I never had met her before it would have never worked out I can say that. But I love that girl, we get each other. She got a boyfriend well...kind of. That was one of the adventures, I'm not used to having to share her (yes that sound selfish, but I don't care) It had always been Jessie and I, not Jessie, some other person, and me. I've kind of learned to get over the jealousy. Though I did get angry the other night, because our plans were shat on because of him, but it's cool now. It's sad I wanted to be angry at her, because I usually don't get angry, but no I wasn't even allowed that because I wanted to talk to someone and there was no one to talk to, so I had to talk to her. Damn me for having only one roommate. But things are awesome between us, I almost got her to go to girls night at the gay club, I will try again later.
We finally threw out the Christmas tree today, and when I say threw, I mean threw...I threw it off the balcony, it was fun. There are so many fucking pine needles...I hate them. Hell we're bad about taking down decorations, there is still a Happy Birthday thing on the door from my Birthday in November, and I still have my bat hanging from my fan because he kinda looks cool. I think we are going to leave the icicles up because they are pretty, and it will keep it Christmas all year.
Another thing that has happened since I've been at College was that I started to see a Counselor cause I had a lot of repressed anger about the whole situation with my Father. During my sessions we talked about contacting him so I could get rid of my anger, I didn't even have to contact him amazingly, he contacted my Ma, because he's afraid to call my Mum. So his reason for not contacting me for 5 years was because he didn't want to ruin anything in my life, which is a load of crock. So now he supposedly lives in Costa Rica and is doing some job and what not, and the reason he contacted me was because he had a "very serious" Heart attack, and my response to that when I found out was good. (See you can see I'm angry just from my responses.) Well my Ma and him talked a couple of times, but I didn't want him to have my number because I really like that number and I have to be in control of this situation. So I got his number amazingly because at first I couldn't call him because of some excuse. I finally mustered up the courage to call him (but I called him on Skype so he wouldn't have my number), and at first he was all I want us to be friends and shit, then he had to justify that my feelings for hating him were not able to be backed up and so I had no reason for feeling them and that the ONLY thing he ever did wrong was love me for 12 years and 3 months. What the fuck does that mean? God I was so angry throughout that whole conversation and I ended up hanging up on him cause I got so sick and tired of his lies. So it was not a good phone call, but I did get to tell him that he was worthless and that he did not deserve me, nor any human contact, nor did he deserve to live. That made me feel better. A week passed and he called my Ma again, and she said that this time he sounded sincere and that he didn't want to be right but he wanted a relationship. She said he sounded sincere, but I think he can really go fall off a fucking cliff or something. I can't have any relationship with him because I can't get hurt by him again. He left me, on top of a bunch of other things. I hated not having a father, but then I kind of got over it, but I still break down and cry if the whole thing comes up. I hate him, and wish really bad things upon him, but I can't ever trust him, cause I don't have it in me to be hurt again like that.
Wow, okay I ranted too much about that. Silly me.
So I think I'm going to start voice lessons again, I miss having a structure like that, and I like having someone criticizing what I do wrong, so I can make it better and become the best damn singer ever! Well at least a really awesome one. I'm taking Astronomy this semester, which I'm excited about. I really need a pet, but nooo our apartment doesn't allow pets, I want a kitty, I hate not having one anymore, and I miss my Pounce back in Delray, that cute kitty.
So the reason I decided to update this thing was because I needed someone to talk to, but no one was here for me to talk to cause Jessie was with her boyfriend, and I don't have one, or even a friend who I think wouldn't care if I spilled my guts on to them and I mean that figuratively because it would be kind of gross if I spilled my guts on them, and kinda messy and no one wants to be covered in guts. I was trying the whole friends with benefits thing for awhile but it just kinda blows up in my face because I found that I can do them but...I'm not getting anything out of it and it's only going to lessen my self esteem which is bad to begin with. So anyways my point. My point was that I had no one to talk to, so I decided to just let my feelings out on here, and it's not that I want anyone to comment on them cause I'm not looking for pity, I just wanted to say what I feel, because I'm learning to do that, and I feel better now actually.
Maybe I'll actually try to update this thing more often, maybe, maybe not. We shall see. 'Cause I don't want to seem redundant, so I'll probably only update if there is something interesting to talk about.
-Chaz-
I started at UCF finally, actually now I'm in my spring semester, almost done with my first year..well kinda. Crazy shit. Anyways, I'm a BA Theatre student here, and I must say it's doing pretty good for me. I get to have a life as well as a minor in Music, which I'll start those classes probably next year. I've learned how to build sets, and I must say that's amazing to look at your work on stage, it's almost as gratifying as performing on stage...almost. I joined Swing Knights, the swing dancing club here at UCF, and I must say I love it. So far I've been to Swing Dance USA in Tampa, and over Winter break I went to Asheville North Carolina for Lindy Focus, and that was amazing, the people I met from all around the world, it was crazy. Swing dancing is so much fun, I encourage people to go out and try it.
I'm living with my best friend since 3rd grade Jessie, and I must say it's an adventure every day. Thank god we know each other so well or else we would never be able to do this. If she were just some random person I was roomed with and I never had met her before it would have never worked out I can say that. But I love that girl, we get each other. She got a boyfriend well...kind of. That was one of the adventures, I'm not used to having to share her (yes that sound selfish, but I don't care) It had always been Jessie and I, not Jessie, some other person, and me. I've kind of learned to get over the jealousy. Though I did get angry the other night, because our plans were shat on because of him, but it's cool now. It's sad I wanted to be angry at her, because I usually don't get angry, but no I wasn't even allowed that because I wanted to talk to someone and there was no one to talk to, so I had to talk to her. Damn me for having only one roommate. But things are awesome between us, I almost got her to go to girls night at the gay club, I will try again later.
We finally threw out the Christmas tree today, and when I say threw, I mean threw...I threw it off the balcony, it was fun. There are so many fucking pine needles...I hate them. Hell we're bad about taking down decorations, there is still a Happy Birthday thing on the door from my Birthday in November, and I still have my bat hanging from my fan because he kinda looks cool. I think we are going to leave the icicles up because they are pretty, and it will keep it Christmas all year.
Another thing that has happened since I've been at College was that I started to see a Counselor cause I had a lot of repressed anger about the whole situation with my Father. During my sessions we talked about contacting him so I could get rid of my anger, I didn't even have to contact him amazingly, he contacted my Ma, because he's afraid to call my Mum. So his reason for not contacting me for 5 years was because he didn't want to ruin anything in my life, which is a load of crock. So now he supposedly lives in Costa Rica and is doing some job and what not, and the reason he contacted me was because he had a "very serious" Heart attack, and my response to that when I found out was good. (See you can see I'm angry just from my responses.) Well my Ma and him talked a couple of times, but I didn't want him to have my number because I really like that number and I have to be in control of this situation. So I got his number amazingly because at first I couldn't call him because of some excuse. I finally mustered up the courage to call him (but I called him on Skype so he wouldn't have my number), and at first he was all I want us to be friends and shit, then he had to justify that my feelings for hating him were not able to be backed up and so I had no reason for feeling them and that the ONLY thing he ever did wrong was love me for 12 years and 3 months. What the fuck does that mean? God I was so angry throughout that whole conversation and I ended up hanging up on him cause I got so sick and tired of his lies. So it was not a good phone call, but I did get to tell him that he was worthless and that he did not deserve me, nor any human contact, nor did he deserve to live. That made me feel better. A week passed and he called my Ma again, and she said that this time he sounded sincere and that he didn't want to be right but he wanted a relationship. She said he sounded sincere, but I think he can really go fall off a fucking cliff or something. I can't have any relationship with him because I can't get hurt by him again. He left me, on top of a bunch of other things. I hated not having a father, but then I kind of got over it, but I still break down and cry if the whole thing comes up. I hate him, and wish really bad things upon him, but I can't ever trust him, cause I don't have it in me to be hurt again like that.
Wow, okay I ranted too much about that. Silly me.
So I think I'm going to start voice lessons again, I miss having a structure like that, and I like having someone criticizing what I do wrong, so I can make it better and become the best damn singer ever! Well at least a really awesome one. I'm taking Astronomy this semester, which I'm excited about. I really need a pet, but nooo our apartment doesn't allow pets, I want a kitty, I hate not having one anymore, and I miss my Pounce back in Delray, that cute kitty.
So the reason I decided to update this thing was because I needed someone to talk to, but no one was here for me to talk to cause Jessie was with her boyfriend, and I don't have one, or even a friend who I think wouldn't care if I spilled my guts on to them and I mean that figuratively because it would be kind of gross if I spilled my guts on them, and kinda messy and no one wants to be covered in guts. I was trying the whole friends with benefits thing for awhile but it just kinda blows up in my face because I found that I can do them but...I'm not getting anything out of it and it's only going to lessen my self esteem which is bad to begin with. So anyways my point. My point was that I had no one to talk to, so I decided to just let my feelings out on here, and it's not that I want anyone to comment on them cause I'm not looking for pity, I just wanted to say what I feel, because I'm learning to do that, and I feel better now actually.
Maybe I'll actually try to update this thing more often, maybe, maybe not. We shall see. 'Cause I don't want to seem redundant, so I'll probably only update if there is something interesting to talk about.
-Chaz-