random update at 2:30 woot!
So I would love to update on all the postive things that have been going in on in my life before I start bitching so here it goes...
- Bish is slowly starting find me and/or my playing more acceptable as I progress.
- Bish told me to play for Wind Seminar for the entire college of music students to critque in 2 weeks (freaking out cuz im not prepared enough and its unaccompanied.shit mother fudger.)
-I did well on my scale test and was one of the only freshmen clarinets to get an "A" rather than an "A-".
-I got all A's and 1 B (theory is the devil) for my 1st semester and am on the Dean's list.
-I was unable to go to the mountain with Steven and his family becuz him and my mom had a blow out. Unfair. :(
-I went to Disney with my mom and brother and had a great time.
- I was able to chill with Harry and Alejandra during the break and realized how much I really miss spending time with them and just acting goofy and immature.
-I really enjoyed seeing my grandparents because time spent with them could be cut off at any given moment.
-I visited my old job and realized that I still love dogs and want to be a seeing-eye-dog trainer or Pet Therapist as a side job after college.
-I have been missing my baby and will see him in 2 days and will smother him! gaah! :) He is planning a big birthday suprise for me in a week! Excitement! Can't wait.
-I've been to a million doctors offices in the past 48 hours and am tired of getting naked and being bossed around.
-I had many great early birthday celebrations w/ Harry, Paula and my grandparents.
-Shopping up the wazoo! I am a shirt hog.
-I saw some old friends that I realized I should have tried harder to keep up with because they are pretty freakin' nice (Lauren and Caytie).
-My mom and I have been tearing through the 5th season of 24 like its nuthin'. 3 more episodes left!
-My schedule for next semester is crazy. 16 credits! Gaah!
-I haven't been practicing the audition music enough. But I'm improving a lot on warm-ups/scales.
Let's see....there are more things I can add to this list but its really late and I'm like have a brain fart...
so on to the negative...
(i love ellipses)
The friends I have down here in South Florida are lazy. I'm not saying ALL of them. but definately MOST of them. Everyone is just waiting for me to make the phone call to say "hey lets chill." But ya know what? I make that call and I never get a call back. And sometimes on the rare occasion I do get a call back but there is some excuse why they can't see their friend that lives 7 friggin' hours aaway and almost never comes home. A couple of times this break people have been saying "oh i forgot to call you back." that happened like 2 days in a row. What I wanna know is...am I that easy to just forget? I don't get it. My friends in Tally are amazing. I can ALWAYS count on them and they care for me so much. I would say that I have stronger friendships with people I've only know for 4 months than people down here. There is just more trust and an understanding b/w us that I don't seem to share with friends down here. I have been battling with this "friend issue" for a couple of years now. I've tried to change some of the things I do and the ways i think in order to see if that made a difference in my relationships but it didn't. And I went up to tally just being myself and I have made tons of friends. Its just really depressing that when I come home and want to see people I spend a good amount of time with in high school that they are never the ones to take the initiative. It really doesn't help my self-esteem and just makes me angry and im left feeling nothing but hate for south florida. Now I'm not saying that I'm perfect here and always return phone calls. I just am confused. Its crazy how I just looked in my yearbook and read this amazingly nice comments and memories jotted down by "friends". But these same people have yet to dail my number. I feel like tearing those pages out becuz its all a bunch of fucking bullshit. Whatever. I cannot spend any more of my time or emotions on this issue. I am embracing a new chapter in my life. It just shame I can't find comfort easily in the social world in south florida.
So thats enough for now i guess. I'm tired.
I miss tally! Just a couple of more days....
- Bish is slowly starting find me and/or my playing more acceptable as I progress.
- Bish told me to play for Wind Seminar for the entire college of music students to critque in 2 weeks (freaking out cuz im not prepared enough and its unaccompanied.shit mother fudger.)
-I did well on my scale test and was one of the only freshmen clarinets to get an "A" rather than an "A-".
-I got all A's and 1 B (theory is the devil) for my 1st semester and am on the Dean's list.
-I was unable to go to the mountain with Steven and his family becuz him and my mom had a blow out. Unfair. :(
-I went to Disney with my mom and brother and had a great time.
- I was able to chill with Harry and Alejandra during the break and realized how much I really miss spending time with them and just acting goofy and immature.
-I really enjoyed seeing my grandparents because time spent with them could be cut off at any given moment.
-I visited my old job and realized that I still love dogs and want to be a seeing-eye-dog trainer or Pet Therapist as a side job after college.
-I have been missing my baby and will see him in 2 days and will smother him! gaah! :) He is planning a big birthday suprise for me in a week! Excitement! Can't wait.
-I've been to a million doctors offices in the past 48 hours and am tired of getting naked and being bossed around.
-I had many great early birthday celebrations w/ Harry, Paula and my grandparents.
-Shopping up the wazoo! I am a shirt hog.
-I saw some old friends that I realized I should have tried harder to keep up with because they are pretty freakin' nice (Lauren and Caytie).
-My mom and I have been tearing through the 5th season of 24 like its nuthin'. 3 more episodes left!
-My schedule for next semester is crazy. 16 credits! Gaah!
-I haven't been practicing the audition music enough. But I'm improving a lot on warm-ups/scales.
Let's see....there are more things I can add to this list but its really late and I'm like have a brain fart...
so on to the negative...
(i love ellipses)
The friends I have down here in South Florida are lazy. I'm not saying ALL of them. but definately MOST of them. Everyone is just waiting for me to make the phone call to say "hey lets chill." But ya know what? I make that call and I never get a call back. And sometimes on the rare occasion I do get a call back but there is some excuse why they can't see their friend that lives 7 friggin' hours aaway and almost never comes home. A couple of times this break people have been saying "oh i forgot to call you back." that happened like 2 days in a row. What I wanna know is...am I that easy to just forget? I don't get it. My friends in Tally are amazing. I can ALWAYS count on them and they care for me so much. I would say that I have stronger friendships with people I've only know for 4 months than people down here. There is just more trust and an understanding b/w us that I don't seem to share with friends down here. I have been battling with this "friend issue" for a couple of years now. I've tried to change some of the things I do and the ways i think in order to see if that made a difference in my relationships but it didn't. And I went up to tally just being myself and I have made tons of friends. Its just really depressing that when I come home and want to see people I spend a good amount of time with in high school that they are never the ones to take the initiative. It really doesn't help my self-esteem and just makes me angry and im left feeling nothing but hate for south florida. Now I'm not saying that I'm perfect here and always return phone calls. I just am confused. Its crazy how I just looked in my yearbook and read this amazingly nice comments and memories jotted down by "friends". But these same people have yet to dail my number. I feel like tearing those pages out becuz its all a bunch of fucking bullshit. Whatever. I cannot spend any more of my time or emotions on this issue. I am embracing a new chapter in my life. It just shame I can't find comfort easily in the social world in south florida.
So thats enough for now i guess. I'm tired.
I miss tally! Just a couple of more days....