(no subject)
We found out this weekend that my mother has cancer.
For awhile now, my mom has had a really bad cough and she's been short of breath. Being the woman that she is, we were unable to get her to go have it checked out. Finally on thursday, my grandmother was able to convince her to go and they took her up to the ER. Apperently mom discovered a lump on her breast about two years ago and never told anyone. Mom is pretty religious. In fact, she's the only one in the family that is very religious. She kept thinking that god would heal her, so she never went to the doctor. At this point, the cancer has spread from her breast to her other breast, liver, lungs, bones and spine. I think they're going to start chemo tomorrow.
I'm so angry. I'm angry that she let this go on and essentially sat there letting herself die. I'm angry at myself for not realizing that something bigger was wrong. Actually though.. I knew something was wrong, I just wasn't strong enough to force her to go to the doctor. I just kept telling myself that it was nothing serious.
It's so hard to see a parent be so weak and frail. To see her laying in the hospital... I don't know what to say or what to do. She's so weak right now, and I know that even though it's necessary.. the chemo is only going to make things worse.
It's really weird how much our family dynamic has changed just in the past couple of days. I've spoken more to my dad in the past two days then I think I have in weeks, and before thursday, I can't remember the last time we hugged. I guess that's the bright side, that it is bringing our family closer together.
Life is going to be really rough for awhile. I don't really know what else to say. Everything is very confusing right now.
For awhile now, my mom has had a really bad cough and she's been short of breath. Being the woman that she is, we were unable to get her to go have it checked out. Finally on thursday, my grandmother was able to convince her to go and they took her up to the ER. Apperently mom discovered a lump on her breast about two years ago and never told anyone. Mom is pretty religious. In fact, she's the only one in the family that is very religious. She kept thinking that god would heal her, so she never went to the doctor. At this point, the cancer has spread from her breast to her other breast, liver, lungs, bones and spine. I think they're going to start chemo tomorrow.
I'm so angry. I'm angry that she let this go on and essentially sat there letting herself die. I'm angry at myself for not realizing that something bigger was wrong. Actually though.. I knew something was wrong, I just wasn't strong enough to force her to go to the doctor. I just kept telling myself that it was nothing serious.
It's so hard to see a parent be so weak and frail. To see her laying in the hospital... I don't know what to say or what to do. She's so weak right now, and I know that even though it's necessary.. the chemo is only going to make things worse.
It's really weird how much our family dynamic has changed just in the past couple of days. I've spoken more to my dad in the past two days then I think I have in weeks, and before thursday, I can't remember the last time we hugged. I guess that's the bright side, that it is bringing our family closer together.
Life is going to be really rough for awhile. I don't really know what else to say. Everything is very confusing right now.