Sexual abuse and incest
First of all, I am going to admit something that has caused me shame for many years. It causation and the motor behind some actions I am not proud of. At the age of 11, my cousin forced me to pleasure him sexually and therefore I am a survivor of incest. This event confused me a lot, it caused me to question many things as well as clarifying a lot as well. Over the past few years and I gained the strength to talk about this, I noticed patterns of behavior that my cousin had towards me. It was not good. The territoriality, the jealousy. The control of how people interacted with me and more. The way he objectified me. In a lot of ways, I felt degraded and my family in the manner of how they handled it by first shaming me leading to hiding it by saying it would be handled in the family quietly. Along with everything going on at that time, I was under immense pressure at home with my mother constantly verbally and emotionally abusing me, she had threatened my life at least once, threatened to send me away, and more. The whole entire message she fed me much of my life up to that point was that I was her golden child. I struggled to understand the term and I thought it was never good to be a golden child when you are sexually forced to pleasure a cousin only to be treated as I was.