Everyday is just as it should be....
I have been spending lots of time in contemplation and meditation. It has led to me speaking less so I can concentrate more of my mind's energy on mantra recitation. But I have been quite content in my practice. I am not worrying about if Ray and I will get into a relationship. I am honestly beyond that point now. I am not seeking the companionship of others around campus. Such interactions are extremely shallow. I thought maybe things would change, but no. And gossip is their best suit. I am not really into that so I am left out. I do not have any drama in my life. Again I keep thinking about when I am actually going to leave and I know I will be happy to go. But outside of the shallow people, I am doing fine. I am doing my work and accomplishing what I need to accomplish in order to graduate from here. I began a new composition and I will be taking composition next semester. I am just days under my 6 month anniversary and I am so happy about that. The only issue is skin sensitivity when shaving. Life seems very normal now in my transition except from the topsy-turvy world of my sexuality. But otherwise, my life is just as it should be. I have grown into my gender role and my gender consolidation is progressing well. I am happier about my experiences in life and now everything fits. There is not only incongruence in the brain in respect to gender, but world view and everything. I felt so abnormal before, but since my transition all has turned around and I see more wonder and beauty in this world.
I scrapped the idea of a Youtube channel because I think it may not be a good idea for me at least for the subject matter I was thinking about. I am rethinking the subject matter and possibly the project.
But I am navigating the world quite well and I think I have consolidated my gender as my as I can up to this point. At the beginning of the school year I was afraid of some danger possibly could occur, but it never happened and I am a lot more relaxed in life and living life a naturally as possible. I do notice a lot of people oppose my transition, but I do not speak to them. I do not bother with them. And nobody has been mean or malicious enough to out me. And it is finally nice to feel a part of the sisterhood once again.
But I am wondering how this whole sexuality thing works on hormones. My compass keeps polarizing one way and back the other. So confusing.....
I scrapped the idea of a Youtube channel because I think it may not be a good idea for me at least for the subject matter I was thinking about. I am rethinking the subject matter and possibly the project.
But I am navigating the world quite well and I think I have consolidated my gender as my as I can up to this point. At the beginning of the school year I was afraid of some danger possibly could occur, but it never happened and I am a lot more relaxed in life and living life a naturally as possible. I do notice a lot of people oppose my transition, but I do not speak to them. I do not bother with them. And nobody has been mean or malicious enough to out me. And it is finally nice to feel a part of the sisterhood once again.
But I am wondering how this whole sexuality thing works on hormones. My compass keeps polarizing one way and back the other. So confusing.....