(no subject)
You know, I write in this thing for now reason. I usaully write things that I'm feeling so poeple can see it, but I don't want sympathy or pity or people to say "oh shannon" or "stop saying that about yourself" because you know what, I can say whatever I want about myself. And if I feel like a fat slobby nothing that spends her time reading romance novles then I can think that. I'm allowed to think shit about myself. I'm allowed to think that I'm not good enough for anyone, because I am. And I know people are going to read this and roll their eyes and think "here she goes again" Well, it doesn't matter because if you don't like it...don't read it. You know everyday passes by and I put a god damned smile on my face for people and I've become the worlds greatest fake smiler. I can't say my mind to people because I'm to harsh, or I'm just not good enough for you. The rejection slips just keep piling up and sooner or later it's going to over whelm me. I hate being around people who back me into walls emotionally. I'm sick of trying to stop living for the fear of being someone I don't want to be. I'm sick of living scared and paranoid at everything. I'm sick of who I am, but I can't change that, so I have to live with it. And it's probably the hardest thing in the world and probably the farthest away from anything anyone will ever understand. And I don't expect you too understand. I don't expect you to try and understand, because, we Thurston's, we are so easily forgotten, so easily ignored. Our please go unheard and the only person who walks by me right now is God. "For I shall not leave thee nor forsake thee." I read these words everynight so that I can sleep knowing that, away from my family, someone is next to me, loving me, holding me. My faith keeps me trudging through the mud that I have mucked through my whole life. So, go all of you, Go to Westminster on a full scholoarship, Go around the world and see everything there is to see, Find as many companions as you want. There are so many things in my life I want so bad right now, and don't have, but there are so many things I do have, I can only have faith in my dreams and someday. Night.