no sleep
there are some nights I can't sleep, I just like being awake more than I do the dream world. These nights are the nights that I will be blogging random thoughts or reading other blogs online.
I hit the city on Saturday night and found out that I really enjoy going out with males more than females. Went out with my housemate and another female friend and it was so boring compared to when I am with geelong friends or males. The female friend said 'Are you ever nice, or just a smart ass all the time.'
The thing is to me being nice is boring, i would rather shit stir my mates than being nice to them, I would rather play pool, go bowling or have drinking games then chat about girly stuff and dance. With male friends you can talk about sex and other stuff and never ever get judge.
I like that boys are never bitchy and I find that my lack of experience or curiosity for certain things are things that would freak out females more than males. When I told Craig that I pashed a married guy his reaction was to give me a hug and say that he always falls for the wrong people. He was so sweet and fun that night, yet when one of my female friends even thought I was attracted to the married man I got the whole 'his just not that into you' spill. My love/sex life is mine so don't give me advice or judge me.
The thing with me and married guy is that at the end of the day he is a good friend who I can be completely honest with because he has seen me for whom I am and there will never be judgement. We were at a beach catch up yesterday with a big bunch of people and we just lied in the sand and just had casual conversation and it was really enjoyable because we can always be honest with one another. We have that thing were one second we are mucking around, the next we are flirting and then the next we are having deep and meainingfuls. I love that he is a beautiful fuck up who is struggling at the moment and he trusts me with his private thoughts. He has major trust issues like myself so its so easy to open up. It was nice that he made me confident about my body when he admitted that the attraction was not one sided and he has taught me heaps but what I value most is our friendship (the beneifts were nice before they ended).
At work my fave tea breaks are when the male managers are being all macho, as I like being one of the boys. I loved that 2 male managers and myself were talking about brothels and what goes on there. The male mind is so much interesting than the females. I know more about males that I hardly see then about my housemate who I have lived with for over 2 years. Males never think before they speak, they have a 'don't give a damn' way of living.
Until I was 25, all my thoughts were consumed by what people thought about me; was I too nerdy,was I too boring, was I too ugly. The thing is once I stopped thinking I was fat (in hindsight I have never been overweight but for some reason I was so weight consious)and caring about what people thought then that's when I became confident with who I was inside and outside. I still get insecure but I say what I want instead of edit myself. I dress how I want and I make friends with who ever I want. I would rather be friends with beautiful fuck ups, gays, married people, older people than pretend to get along with certain female friends who I really have nothing in common with.
I hit the city on Saturday night and found out that I really enjoy going out with males more than females. Went out with my housemate and another female friend and it was so boring compared to when I am with geelong friends or males. The female friend said 'Are you ever nice, or just a smart ass all the time.'
The thing is to me being nice is boring, i would rather shit stir my mates than being nice to them, I would rather play pool, go bowling or have drinking games then chat about girly stuff and dance. With male friends you can talk about sex and other stuff and never ever get judge.
I like that boys are never bitchy and I find that my lack of experience or curiosity for certain things are things that would freak out females more than males. When I told Craig that I pashed a married guy his reaction was to give me a hug and say that he always falls for the wrong people. He was so sweet and fun that night, yet when one of my female friends even thought I was attracted to the married man I got the whole 'his just not that into you' spill. My love/sex life is mine so don't give me advice or judge me.
The thing with me and married guy is that at the end of the day he is a good friend who I can be completely honest with because he has seen me for whom I am and there will never be judgement. We were at a beach catch up yesterday with a big bunch of people and we just lied in the sand and just had casual conversation and it was really enjoyable because we can always be honest with one another. We have that thing were one second we are mucking around, the next we are flirting and then the next we are having deep and meainingfuls. I love that he is a beautiful fuck up who is struggling at the moment and he trusts me with his private thoughts. He has major trust issues like myself so its so easy to open up. It was nice that he made me confident about my body when he admitted that the attraction was not one sided and he has taught me heaps but what I value most is our friendship (the beneifts were nice before they ended).
At work my fave tea breaks are when the male managers are being all macho, as I like being one of the boys. I loved that 2 male managers and myself were talking about brothels and what goes on there. The male mind is so much interesting than the females. I know more about males that I hardly see then about my housemate who I have lived with for over 2 years. Males never think before they speak, they have a 'don't give a damn' way of living.
Until I was 25, all my thoughts were consumed by what people thought about me; was I too nerdy,was I too boring, was I too ugly. The thing is once I stopped thinking I was fat (in hindsight I have never been overweight but for some reason I was so weight consious)and caring about what people thought then that's when I became confident with who I was inside and outside. I still get insecure but I say what I want instead of edit myself. I dress how I want and I make friends with who ever I want. I would rather be friends with beautiful fuck ups, gays, married people, older people than pretend to get along with certain female friends who I really have nothing in common with.