♫ Good girls are happy and satisfied, I won't stop asking until I die ♪
Just back from a very interesting presentation at my university. Bascha Mika gave a reading of her book and we had a discussion afterwards of the kind that I have rarely encountered during my year that I'm already here. (Btw I can't believer it's been a year already! Where did all the days go?) Anyway, Mika wrote a book titled "Die Feigheit der Frau" (The cowardice of women). Yes, it's a book about feminism but as the title already shows, she's claiming to take a new path with it. In the beginning I have to admit that I haven't read it, consequently everything I'm about to say is based on the extract she read this evening and the answers she gave in the following discussion.
Hyperbolically her basic assumption is that if well-educated women fall into the "trap" and end up in a life at home with children and aren't living their life self-determined, it's their own fault. Yeah... First of all I should say that in a way I'm grateful she wrote that book, since it has caused some discussion in Germany this year and I don't like the overall trend of avoiding feminism since it is supposedly not cool anymore and "not needed" either. Guess what, I disagree with that and that's the reason I'm glad there's something that's bringing the topic back to live.
But then again there are many things she is saying and spreading with that book that are really bothering me. It's a common problem of feminism that it can't include all women in their individual existence and with their individual cultural circumstances. Very often it is universalizing and blanking out the fact that women are also defined by other factors they have to deal with (eg. skin colour). Bascha Mika is not even mentioning that fact. Instead it seems like there are only two types of women for her; the ones who are happy with their family life at home and never strived for a self-determined life and the ones who were striving for it but ended up in the family nevertheless. About the former she's stating that maybe they have a chance of being content and she doesn't want to concern herself with them. To the latter she is referring as "we". She makes clear that the use of the word 'we' is supposed to express her identification with these women and remind everyone how 'we' all are struggling to not fall into old stereotypes from time to time. Instead of asking why there are women who choose to life a live in subordination, she's discrimanting them in my eyes by saying they're not even worth looking at. In addition she implies the degradation of housework and taking care of children at home throughout her argumentation with constantly underlining how it is detaining 'us' from leading a self-determind life. I think it is possible to not work and still life a self-determined life. Mika argues that every woman who decides to give up her work-life for children and for the benefit of her husband falls into a 'trap' and fulfills a superior and long shaped stereotype.
One woman brought her daughter who was maybe 11 years old and at that point she asked if the men would put up these 'traps' on purpose. Everyone was laughing but in fact it was a really clever question because men are pretty much left out in the whole argumentation. The author answered that they wouldn't, but of course they wouldn't want to give up any of their privileges either without pressure. The way I see it, it's a very one-sided way to look at it. It excludes all the positive aspects from which men benefit if they live in an emancipated relationship, like having a say in and experiencing the upbringing of their own children and getting rid of their own stereotypes. Plus it's not like men are generally all against emancipation.
Then she talked about how especially young women fall into 'traps' when they think that nowadays they are emancipated and only learn how they are stuck in the same old role when their children are born. This is a good point, since I also think that it's dangerous to overlook what still needs to be done regarding emancipation while looking at what has already been achieved at least on the outside. Again, that's why I'm happy she's bringing the topic up.
She's also saying that of course 'we' have the fear of being left and ending up alone which is keeping us from arguing for our wants and needs and which consequently makes us give up our self-determination. Well, I'd say that that's a concern approaching every human being and our whole society. (Of course, again, this is a generalization.) It makes sense to me that in the complicated, because highly complex in its correlations and structures and at the same time very unstaple, world we live in today, everyone is going for harmony and safety in their relationships. I support her when she's emphasizing that it takes 'courage' to gain 'the freedom of self-determination which can be painful and bothersome, too". Yes it takes courage and I'm completely agree that it's not always easy.
That's just when her main argument kicks in. According to her it is necessary that women are working on their everyday life and behaviour in order to not fail with their life-plans. Mika states that 40 years of blaming the structures that are keeping us from partaking in power hasn't brought us anywhere and in consequence we now should blame ourselves. As far as I see one the one hand that sitting around and solely blaming others isn't helping anyone, I don't agree that searching the fault in ourselves is helping much either. I'm not saying there's nothing we can do to improve things, like paying attention to the way we use language for example, but telling a woman that she personally failed when she is encoutering suppression is just so wrong in my eyes. (One woman added that it is in a way also "typical for women" to search the fault within themselves and this concept just brings it to another level.) If women think that their failure in realizing their life-plans is their individual problem it's not right and it's the reason feminism is still highly needed today. It is important to note that is not an individual problem! Mika puts emphasize on the fact that the statement "The personal is political!" is still applying today. After a girl asked her, she repeated that since 'we' can choose today which way we want to go it is indeed our own fault if we fail in emancipating ourselves.
This is the point where I absolutely don't agree. First of all I think it is not that easy to choose which way we want to go even today. Secondly I'm pretty sure that concepts like this one are partly to blame that feminism isn't a topic for most people anymore. Everyone likes to think they are so individual these days and they don't like the thought of someone telling them how to act in order to make the behaviour in their personal relationships political.
Most importantly though, I can't stand the thought of telling a woman who isn't happy with the way her life turned out, that after all it's her own fault and she could've decided differently. Actually, I think this is a very dangerous road to take! Of course there are always decisions we can make. And then there are decisions we can't make. Never should we blame the "allgemeine Geiselmentalität" (" overall hostage-mentality") of women for what is going wrong in our society today. Since it is not helping to make feminism any more 'attractive' or supportive in my eyes. It is not helping at all!
I guess I need to take into account that Bascha Mika wanted to write a book that would polemize and she definitely is succesful with it. She's earning a lot of money with it and I seriously hope that this is the reason she comes to her conclusion!
Hyperbolically her basic assumption is that if well-educated women fall into the "trap" and end up in a life at home with children and aren't living their life self-determined, it's their own fault. Yeah... First of all I should say that in a way I'm grateful she wrote that book, since it has caused some discussion in Germany this year and I don't like the overall trend of avoiding feminism since it is supposedly not cool anymore and "not needed" either. Guess what, I disagree with that and that's the reason I'm glad there's something that's bringing the topic back to live.
But then again there are many things she is saying and spreading with that book that are really bothering me. It's a common problem of feminism that it can't include all women in their individual existence and with their individual cultural circumstances. Very often it is universalizing and blanking out the fact that women are also defined by other factors they have to deal with (eg. skin colour). Bascha Mika is not even mentioning that fact. Instead it seems like there are only two types of women for her; the ones who are happy with their family life at home and never strived for a self-determined life and the ones who were striving for it but ended up in the family nevertheless. About the former she's stating that maybe they have a chance of being content and she doesn't want to concern herself with them. To the latter she is referring as "we". She makes clear that the use of the word 'we' is supposed to express her identification with these women and remind everyone how 'we' all are struggling to not fall into old stereotypes from time to time. Instead of asking why there are women who choose to life a live in subordination, she's discrimanting them in my eyes by saying they're not even worth looking at. In addition she implies the degradation of housework and taking care of children at home throughout her argumentation with constantly underlining how it is detaining 'us' from leading a self-determind life. I think it is possible to not work and still life a self-determined life. Mika argues that every woman who decides to give up her work-life for children and for the benefit of her husband falls into a 'trap' and fulfills a superior and long shaped stereotype.
One woman brought her daughter who was maybe 11 years old and at that point she asked if the men would put up these 'traps' on purpose. Everyone was laughing but in fact it was a really clever question because men are pretty much left out in the whole argumentation. The author answered that they wouldn't, but of course they wouldn't want to give up any of their privileges either without pressure. The way I see it, it's a very one-sided way to look at it. It excludes all the positive aspects from which men benefit if they live in an emancipated relationship, like having a say in and experiencing the upbringing of their own children and getting rid of their own stereotypes. Plus it's not like men are generally all against emancipation.
Then she talked about how especially young women fall into 'traps' when they think that nowadays they are emancipated and only learn how they are stuck in the same old role when their children are born. This is a good point, since I also think that it's dangerous to overlook what still needs to be done regarding emancipation while looking at what has already been achieved at least on the outside. Again, that's why I'm happy she's bringing the topic up.
She's also saying that of course 'we' have the fear of being left and ending up alone which is keeping us from arguing for our wants and needs and which consequently makes us give up our self-determination. Well, I'd say that that's a concern approaching every human being and our whole society. (Of course, again, this is a generalization.) It makes sense to me that in the complicated, because highly complex in its correlations and structures and at the same time very unstaple, world we live in today, everyone is going for harmony and safety in their relationships. I support her when she's emphasizing that it takes 'courage' to gain 'the freedom of self-determination which can be painful and bothersome, too". Yes it takes courage and I'm completely agree that it's not always easy.
That's just when her main argument kicks in. According to her it is necessary that women are working on their everyday life and behaviour in order to not fail with their life-plans. Mika states that 40 years of blaming the structures that are keeping us from partaking in power hasn't brought us anywhere and in consequence we now should blame ourselves. As far as I see one the one hand that sitting around and solely blaming others isn't helping anyone, I don't agree that searching the fault in ourselves is helping much either. I'm not saying there's nothing we can do to improve things, like paying attention to the way we use language for example, but telling a woman that she personally failed when she is encoutering suppression is just so wrong in my eyes. (One woman added that it is in a way also "typical for women" to search the fault within themselves and this concept just brings it to another level.) If women think that their failure in realizing their life-plans is their individual problem it's not right and it's the reason feminism is still highly needed today. It is important to note that is not an individual problem! Mika puts emphasize on the fact that the statement "The personal is political!" is still applying today. After a girl asked her, she repeated that since 'we' can choose today which way we want to go it is indeed our own fault if we fail in emancipating ourselves.
This is the point where I absolutely don't agree. First of all I think it is not that easy to choose which way we want to go even today. Secondly I'm pretty sure that concepts like this one are partly to blame that feminism isn't a topic for most people anymore. Everyone likes to think they are so individual these days and they don't like the thought of someone telling them how to act in order to make the behaviour in their personal relationships political.
Most importantly though, I can't stand the thought of telling a woman who isn't happy with the way her life turned out, that after all it's her own fault and she could've decided differently. Actually, I think this is a very dangerous road to take! Of course there are always decisions we can make. And then there are decisions we can't make. Never should we blame the "allgemeine Geiselmentalität" (" overall hostage-mentality") of women for what is going wrong in our society today. Since it is not helping to make feminism any more 'attractive' or supportive in my eyes. It is not helping at all!
I guess I need to take into account that Bascha Mika wanted to write a book that would polemize and she definitely is succesful with it. She's earning a lot of money with it and I seriously hope that this is the reason she comes to her conclusion!