I never got to say goodbye.
I'm having a really hard time with Grammy Laura's death. I cry myself to sleep every night, I get angry really easily and I take it out on Eric, and then I start to cry. I wish it wasn't like this. I'm just upset that I never got to say goodbye. We were going to that day at noon, my mom was going to dismiss me from school and we were going to see her at the hospital. I dont think anyone understands the pain I feel. My mom was like "You saw her Christmas Eve and she saw you sing," but I dont care about that, I never got to tell her that I loved her and that she really ment alot to me and I didn't get to give her a hug and tell her goodbye. Eric keeps telling me "You can still say goodbye" Everyone keeps telling me that, but I really can't. Not that way I wanted to tell her. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her everything was going to be alright. but everything wasn't alright, she died and I didn't get to say goodbye. Grammy Henigan and Auntie Karen and everyone else got to see her, but not me and my mom. My mom says it was best that I didn't see her but how does she know what is best. I wanted to see her and say goodbye, once and for all.
On another note, my mom let it slip where my party was, it's at my church. I dont know how everyone is going to get there, if Abbi is going to give directions or what not. Whatever I'm not even going to worry about it. I have a funeral to prepare myself for.
Winterguard rehursal last night was depressing. We have 5 people if Diane does it and the best people there are Me, Abbi and Diane. I must say I hate Christina with a burning passion. Last night Abbi asked me who I wanted to come to the party, so I was telling her and christina was like "ever think of inviting us?" and I wanted to turn around and be like, "No because I dont like you," that would put her in her damn place. And then Tara was teaching us rifle, which I've done all four years of my highschool career and christina was just learning how to do it last night and sucked at it too might I add, so I was like "Tara can I do saber, I know how to spin it and I would really like to do it," and Christina was like "I get dibs on saber cause I've been asking for it longer," I was almost like "I've been asking to do it since sophomore year and I've been spinning weapon longer then you and I can actually do it, asking has abosultly nothing to do with it you fucking retard." but instead I said a more sensored version. "Your just learning how to spin rifle tonight, you can't even toss it, and you can barely do it, and you can't even do parallel toss with your flag with out throwing it and running, what makes you think that you can spin something not only harder, but more dangerous?" I'm such a bitch, and I'm really am sorry, but I so sick ofeveryone thinking they are the best at colorguard and just becuase they just picked up a weapon they think they can do it. I'm not the best at colorguard, I may be very talented when it comes to understand the work that is throwen at me but there are far better girls out there in the united states that are better then me. It took me 2 years to get rifle down, and I still drop it. Saber hurts when you catch it, so unless you have a high pain tolerence when it comes to colorguard and getting hit in the arms or the hands you can do it. Christina crys when she jabs her finger on the flag bag. Curse retards forever!
On another note, my mom let it slip where my party was, it's at my church. I dont know how everyone is going to get there, if Abbi is going to give directions or what not. Whatever I'm not even going to worry about it. I have a funeral to prepare myself for.
Winterguard rehursal last night was depressing. We have 5 people if Diane does it and the best people there are Me, Abbi and Diane. I must say I hate Christina with a burning passion. Last night Abbi asked me who I wanted to come to the party, so I was telling her and christina was like "ever think of inviting us?" and I wanted to turn around and be like, "No because I dont like you," that would put her in her damn place. And then Tara was teaching us rifle, which I've done all four years of my highschool career and christina was just learning how to do it last night and sucked at it too might I add, so I was like "Tara can I do saber, I know how to spin it and I would really like to do it," and Christina was like "I get dibs on saber cause I've been asking for it longer," I was almost like "I've been asking to do it since sophomore year and I've been spinning weapon longer then you and I can actually do it, asking has abosultly nothing to do with it you fucking retard." but instead I said a more sensored version. "Your just learning how to spin rifle tonight, you can't even toss it, and you can barely do it, and you can't even do parallel toss with your flag with out throwing it and running, what makes you think that you can spin something not only harder, but more dangerous?" I'm such a bitch, and I'm really am sorry, but I so sick ofeveryone thinking they are the best at colorguard and just becuase they just picked up a weapon they think they can do it. I'm not the best at colorguard, I may be very talented when it comes to understand the work that is throwen at me but there are far better girls out there in the united states that are better then me. It took me 2 years to get rifle down, and I still drop it. Saber hurts when you catch it, so unless you have a high pain tolerence when it comes to colorguard and getting hit in the arms or the hands you can do it. Christina crys when she jabs her finger on the flag bag. Curse retards forever!