kind of depressed potatoes
So its been a rough month for me, guys. I don't know, it seems like things are just sort of piling on top of the mound and the weight is getting a little extreme. I'm finding it harder to find humor in everyday life when i think about things that are going on around me, and that is very depressing.
First and probably least on my list of worries, is the play. I am so frustrated by this i get angry every time i think about it. The whole tryout was just a "going through the motions" ordeal, because they had everyone cast before we walked in the doors. And if you're going to give the lead to the kid who didn't feel it was necessary to learn to take the tryout seriously, or even learn the words for the song he had to sing, then don't give me a thumbs-up after i do my audition and make it look like i have it in the bag. I get the whole senior seniority, but to give the parts to the people they did, it just infuriates me. I mean, look at the lead, and do you think of footloose? I sure don't. And don't give me some little shit part where i probably won't even end up in the good parts of the play.
Next, i am having issues with my mom at the moment. Ever since grandma died, everything is a depressing and awful and a waste of time. Now, i can understand wholeheartedly why she feels this way, but thats what makes it worse. We all lost somebody, but i feel like since i know it hurt her the worst i can't make a big deal out of it. We all have to deal with how she's acting, but its getting harder and harder. When i didn't get into national honors society, she made it seem like something bad had happened to her. And when i got screwed with this play, she made it seem like she's missing out. Out of the two of us, i think these events affect me a little more than they affect her. Its just frustrating that she's acting like every bad thing that happens to everyone around her is actually hurting her the most. But because of the circumstances, i don't dare say this out loud.
I have recently realized that i have a severe problem with authority. I want to talk back to everyone that tells me to do something, and i want to throw what they say into their face. I talked to my dad about it, and he told me, "people are looking for you to be a leader". Well maybe i don't want to be a leader. Maybe i just want to mess around and have fun like everybody else. But because i'm not a total reject i have to take care of the rejects around me. Maybe i want someone to take care of me for a change. Maybe it would be nice if someone helped me out with something instead of me having to deal with it on my own. I don't know, its just a thought, that maybe once in a while, i don't feel like being responsible and thinking about the consequences and worrying about everything. Maybe i just want to do something reckless and not care what happens to me, because sometimes you just need to do something like that.
Also, on a slightly lighter not, i think that my pent-up sexual frustration is starting to boil over. Not so much SEXUAL, but like, anything besides a friendly high-five and a hug would be nice. I find myself staring at people and just thinking... "What if?" And this is at people i normally don't do that to. This is at people that i consider my friends, and thats why i think that i need to do something about this. Because if i don't, i might just explode at a rather innopportune moment.
First and probably least on my list of worries, is the play. I am so frustrated by this i get angry every time i think about it. The whole tryout was just a "going through the motions" ordeal, because they had everyone cast before we walked in the doors. And if you're going to give the lead to the kid who didn't feel it was necessary to learn to take the tryout seriously, or even learn the words for the song he had to sing, then don't give me a thumbs-up after i do my audition and make it look like i have it in the bag. I get the whole senior seniority, but to give the parts to the people they did, it just infuriates me. I mean, look at the lead, and do you think of footloose? I sure don't. And don't give me some little shit part where i probably won't even end up in the good parts of the play.
Next, i am having issues with my mom at the moment. Ever since grandma died, everything is a depressing and awful and a waste of time. Now, i can understand wholeheartedly why she feels this way, but thats what makes it worse. We all lost somebody, but i feel like since i know it hurt her the worst i can't make a big deal out of it. We all have to deal with how she's acting, but its getting harder and harder. When i didn't get into national honors society, she made it seem like something bad had happened to her. And when i got screwed with this play, she made it seem like she's missing out. Out of the two of us, i think these events affect me a little more than they affect her. Its just frustrating that she's acting like every bad thing that happens to everyone around her is actually hurting her the most. But because of the circumstances, i don't dare say this out loud.
I have recently realized that i have a severe problem with authority. I want to talk back to everyone that tells me to do something, and i want to throw what they say into their face. I talked to my dad about it, and he told me, "people are looking for you to be a leader". Well maybe i don't want to be a leader. Maybe i just want to mess around and have fun like everybody else. But because i'm not a total reject i have to take care of the rejects around me. Maybe i want someone to take care of me for a change. Maybe it would be nice if someone helped me out with something instead of me having to deal with it on my own. I don't know, its just a thought, that maybe once in a while, i don't feel like being responsible and thinking about the consequences and worrying about everything. Maybe i just want to do something reckless and not care what happens to me, because sometimes you just need to do something like that.
Also, on a slightly lighter not, i think that my pent-up sexual frustration is starting to boil over. Not so much SEXUAL, but like, anything besides a friendly high-five and a hug would be nice. I find myself staring at people and just thinking... "What if?" And this is at people i normally don't do that to. This is at people that i consider my friends, and thats why i think that i need to do something about this. Because if i don't, i might just explode at a rather innopportune moment.