(no subject)
yah so we talked today and it got kinda heated...and im sorry about that..and im sorry that you feel the way you do..i didnt mean for you to feel like i was trying to be bigger then you or anything...you are one of my best friends and we are going to go through our bumpy times and im sorry...i know this is my fault i have just been feeling really insecure lately and i dont know why...im really sorry...and i dont want our realationship to change i love it just the way it is!!we can not see eachother for days and get in the car and put lion king on and be like we were never apart!i lvoe that about us...its perfect..and i know how i always go on about not ever getting marrried and living with cats and just being the babysitter but you know what...i got to thinking and it really doesnt sound taht bad.. but i know you dotn want that for me you want me to be happy...i know...everyone wants me to be happy..i just dont know waht happy is anymore..i mean what is the real meaning of happy??is it being popular or is it having the most friends or is it always having something to do everynight of the week.what is it??waht does it really mean to be happy??is there even a real meaning?or is what it means to you??i mean i know there are things that make me happy but i have never been happy all the way through..yah i know im a little sensitive when it comes to certain things but i dont know how else to be..i have been hurt so many times and i start building that wall up around me and then when someone new comes along i dont want to let them into that wall until i know that they wont hurt me like evreyone else..this may sounds so selfish but everyone tells me they love being around me and that i always make them smile and that i brighten up there day..but then why are there those who kick me around like im just some ball again a ball of clay!they just are my best friuneds and then they are like opps forget michelle i got me a boyfriend or i got me a new best friend who needs her!why why why???yah so some other things i have been thinking baout...are those who really say that they are my best frineds are they??i mean there are those who always hug you and say they love you but do they really care or are they like everyone else in the world who just put up a big face and dont even care at all..they just say it and then they go and talk about you behind your back..i hate drama and thats all girls have...why do we have to be so emotional..why cant we all just get along and be happy with each and every other girl...then there would be no hate and no drama....if this was all true then i guess we would have what everyone wants peace...but i dont think that peace is possible....i think that everyone has to have drama sometime...and i know im rambling on now im sorry..but this journal thing is good..you can just type an dtype and type and you can get it all out and dont even care....another thing...im thinking about playing soccer this year...on a team outside of school..i miss it so bad..i didnt think i would but i do..i was watching this tape the other day of when i was playing an di was like omg i miss that so much...i miss running down the field hearing my name and then i get to the goal being face to feace with the goalie and then i shoot and SCORE...yah im sure no one knows how that really makes me feel but it makes you feel like your something special...its crazy...i lvoe the wind blowing in your hair...an i mean i just love everything about being on the soccer field...anyways...so yah school finals i dont relaly care and i mean who does...well yah so i gtg..but yah dont read this its stupid!!