I am (a HP fanfic)
*So, this is a random set of drabbles, set around the same statement or question. Basically I had the urge to write some Gaunt fanfic, and started by writing the Merope piece here, and the idea manifested into this. I'm most pleased with hers and Nevilles. And slightly annoyed I couldnt stop each piece getting progressively longer. :)
I am a good person.
Severus repeated the words, like a mantra, till sleep came to take him away.
Red hair flickered and flamed; dripping to the ground where it swam as blood. Power raced through him, holding the wand like a lifeline. He brought darkness; he separated the clouds and the sun.
There was nothing he couldn’t do.
Green eyes stared into his soul. They watched. James doubled over in pain. Lily laughed. She kissed him. He felt like crying.
And when sleep drew back like a hesitant tide uncovering the shore, Snape whispered.
I am a good person.
//
I am a good person.
Neville scrunched his eyes and balled his fists. The light hung in quivering blue drapes, sending shivers down his spine. Why was he here? What was he doing?
“Come on Neville,” Harry urged. “You can do this. One more time...”
It was a simple spell. Everyone else here had mastered it, and it felt as though the eyes of the Army were upon him.
He pictured the woman writhing in pain, tears staining her pale cheeks. He held his wand, and thought of making her hurt as she had made his parents.
“Expelliarmus!”
The dummy stared back; unmoved. Harry’s sigh reverberated through the lights wispy curtains. Neville hung his head, and tried to fight the images swimming through his mind. Bellatrix hurt. Begging for mercy. Crying out in pain. Swearing she would bring back his parents, if only he stopped-
“I am a good person,” Neville promised, but the words soon dissipated in the air.
//
I am a good person.
The glimmering liquid soon passed his lips and Merope watched, waited, for the golden promise to light his eyes. A life full of love. Someone to hold her hand. To brush away the nightmares and kiss her when nights were cold. It was all she could ask for. How could it be wrong?
His kiss tasted of perfume- of elegance and purity. Of everything he had tasted in the Amortentia, and everything she could never be. His words filled her with warmth, arms anchoring her when she felt she might just fly away. Not that she could afford a broomstick, of course. And he didn’t even know such things existed! How much there was to tell him... so much he didn’t know. A whole world waiting to be uncovered.
She pressed her lips back to his and threaded her fingers into his hair.
I am a good person, she thinks to herself. Just let me feel love first.
//
I am a good person.
Sirius was curled up in the corner of the Shack, dark eyes watching him curiously. Remus felt a new cut on his hand; and unconsciously slid it from view.
“You alright? Pretty bad one you had there,” Sirius grinned, ever the joker, “Almost had me going for a minute.”
A stiff nod. Both know that’s far from the truth- that if Sirius says it was bad, then he was scared for his life. It was supposed to lessen the blow, their code, but the words slice him more than the wounds blossoming across his skin.
“The others are back up in the tower. Thought I’d stay up and check you were alright after.”
“I’m fine,” Remus snaps hoarsely.
Deep breaths; closed eyes. He wondered what really happened. Had Peter, ever the coward, run back at his first chance? Had he really stared his best friends down, aching to tear them apart? Had Sirius really stayed awake all night, calmly watching him transform, and shiver to think what he could have done?
“I am a good person,” Remus said lamely.
Sirius laughed at him. Remus laughed too, brushed off his wounds, and stumbled to his feet.
//
Am I a good person?
Bellatrix was lounging in the Slytherin dorms, alone but for some nameless first years. It hadn’t been the first time she’d asked herself that question, but the first time she’d really felt unsure of the answer. It sounded ridiculous even in her head, and she’d never honour one of the others enough to ask them. She could already hear Lucius laughing at her, and see Snape turn away disdainfully.
As usual, it was after a Defence against the Dark Arts class, which herself and the others found rather ironic (considering most of them were trying to learn the opposite, whispering curses under blankets and sneaking to the Restricted Section to plan further attacks on the Gryffindors.) She’d found herself disarming Alice Longbottom, and going one further to throw a hex while she was at it- not what they were supposed to do, but with the girl under her wand, who could resist?
The satisfaction had run through her veins as Alice squirmed and squeaked and her own laughter had run rampant through the silent classroom. Bellatrix had never felt more alive. This, she couldn’t help thinking, was what she was supposed to do. This was her calling.
“Am I a good person?” She sneers, flicking her wand and sending the first years running. “I’m whatever I want to be.”
I am a good person.
Severus repeated the words, like a mantra, till sleep came to take him away.
Red hair flickered and flamed; dripping to the ground where it swam as blood. Power raced through him, holding the wand like a lifeline. He brought darkness; he separated the clouds and the sun.
There was nothing he couldn’t do.
Green eyes stared into his soul. They watched. James doubled over in pain. Lily laughed. She kissed him. He felt like crying.
And when sleep drew back like a hesitant tide uncovering the shore, Snape whispered.
I am a good person.
//
I am a good person.
Neville scrunched his eyes and balled his fists. The light hung in quivering blue drapes, sending shivers down his spine. Why was he here? What was he doing?
“Come on Neville,” Harry urged. “You can do this. One more time...”
It was a simple spell. Everyone else here had mastered it, and it felt as though the eyes of the Army were upon him.
He pictured the woman writhing in pain, tears staining her pale cheeks. He held his wand, and thought of making her hurt as she had made his parents.
“Expelliarmus!”
The dummy stared back; unmoved. Harry’s sigh reverberated through the lights wispy curtains. Neville hung his head, and tried to fight the images swimming through his mind. Bellatrix hurt. Begging for mercy. Crying out in pain. Swearing she would bring back his parents, if only he stopped-
“I am a good person,” Neville promised, but the words soon dissipated in the air.
//
I am a good person.
The glimmering liquid soon passed his lips and Merope watched, waited, for the golden promise to light his eyes. A life full of love. Someone to hold her hand. To brush away the nightmares and kiss her when nights were cold. It was all she could ask for. How could it be wrong?
His kiss tasted of perfume- of elegance and purity. Of everything he had tasted in the Amortentia, and everything she could never be. His words filled her with warmth, arms anchoring her when she felt she might just fly away. Not that she could afford a broomstick, of course. And he didn’t even know such things existed! How much there was to tell him... so much he didn’t know. A whole world waiting to be uncovered.
She pressed her lips back to his and threaded her fingers into his hair.
I am a good person, she thinks to herself. Just let me feel love first.
//
I am a good person.
Sirius was curled up in the corner of the Shack, dark eyes watching him curiously. Remus felt a new cut on his hand; and unconsciously slid it from view.
“You alright? Pretty bad one you had there,” Sirius grinned, ever the joker, “Almost had me going for a minute.”
A stiff nod. Both know that’s far from the truth- that if Sirius says it was bad, then he was scared for his life. It was supposed to lessen the blow, their code, but the words slice him more than the wounds blossoming across his skin.
“The others are back up in the tower. Thought I’d stay up and check you were alright after.”
“I’m fine,” Remus snaps hoarsely.
Deep breaths; closed eyes. He wondered what really happened. Had Peter, ever the coward, run back at his first chance? Had he really stared his best friends down, aching to tear them apart? Had Sirius really stayed awake all night, calmly watching him transform, and shiver to think what he could have done?
“I am a good person,” Remus said lamely.
Sirius laughed at him. Remus laughed too, brushed off his wounds, and stumbled to his feet.
//
Am I a good person?
Bellatrix was lounging in the Slytherin dorms, alone but for some nameless first years. It hadn’t been the first time she’d asked herself that question, but the first time she’d really felt unsure of the answer. It sounded ridiculous even in her head, and she’d never honour one of the others enough to ask them. She could already hear Lucius laughing at her, and see Snape turn away disdainfully.
As usual, it was after a Defence against the Dark Arts class, which herself and the others found rather ironic (considering most of them were trying to learn the opposite, whispering curses under blankets and sneaking to the Restricted Section to plan further attacks on the Gryffindors.) She’d found herself disarming Alice Longbottom, and going one further to throw a hex while she was at it- not what they were supposed to do, but with the girl under her wand, who could resist?
The satisfaction had run through her veins as Alice squirmed and squeaked and her own laughter had run rampant through the silent classroom. Bellatrix had never felt more alive. This, she couldn’t help thinking, was what she was supposed to do. This was her calling.
“Am I a good person?” She sneers, flicking her wand and sending the first years running. “I’m whatever I want to be.”