why is this happening again?

[mushu22]

what happens when you get thoese feelings again....
thoese bad feelings from the past....
the ones where you want to kill yourself again........

this cant happen again....
i thought it was going away........
and now its back.....

its scares me sooo much.....
what if i actually do it........
man...why am i who i am.....

i hate who i am.....
please make me someone else....
someone who is stable enough to make it threw this life that i have to take part in.....

if i have to be here.....
please make me be okay.......

im sorry!