well hum.....
well, i got a message saying i should update this damn thing, man its been a long time since ive been here.......well, im here now so why not...uhm, life sucks right now, long story, but the most percious thing in my life is gone, and its all my fault, i guess i shouldnt be bitching about it, but i cant help it, it was a bad decision, shew god damn i miss lori....i really need her, i miss her holding me and talking to me and telling me she loves me and just being my girlfriend, she really is great, i need 2 work some things out though, i have more problems then she does...today i had a breakdown...well, she likes this other guy now, and every time i see her i think of the things we do and how we act, then i think of her and him doing it and i just cant take it.....i really really need her....today i had isd so ive been thinking about it all day, ive seen her 3 times, and every time i about cried...i cried last night, then after she got offline i cried, then i cried before i went to bed...i cried so much i couldnt sleep so i had 2 take some tylenol pm,i took 4, i hope thats not bad...i have lost my appetitte completely, today was the first thing ive eaten and that was a thing of mashed potatoes but they made my stomach hurt so i probably wont eat much today.....its like im having withdrawls...the number one thing in my life is gone, ive never felt this shitty in my life, even when erin died..im really thinking of suicide which is scaring me, but im going to try my best to get her back, ill do anything...she likes the guys with flat stomach's so im gonna try that, the not eating will help....i ordered her a $175 necklace the day we broke up, now my moms thinking of keeping it cuz her and mrs. friend talk and theyve seen how they are, so she thinks it would be smart to just let her go, but i cant...i cant stop thinking about her.....god damn im so stupid...one guy comes into town, and hes leaving for ohio sometime, and everything we have goes to shit..its just stupid, i know when he leaves it will all be back to normal, but i dont wanna wait that long.....i dont care if theyve fucked or any of that, i just wanna be with her, but this guys not high quality, he got a girl pregnant and one of his ex girlfriends he stole $200 from, i just dont have any respect for him, i think if they date she will realize what hes like, but i dont want them to date, i want us to date, i wanna be with her so damn bad it hurts.....i cried in the hallway after school and she held me, thats the first time ive ever cried infront of her, and hopefully the last, even though i know tomorrow is gonna be just as bad...this is a really bad time in my life and i just want it to end.....pray for me...