Hope and Despair
It's noontime here in Chicago. Me and my brother have just finished eating lunch, and we're now talking about our situation here. Dikong is thinking of staying here indefinitely. To help our Mom. A few nights ago, we discussed our situation again, and concretized our problems we needed to hurdle, mostly about Mom's debts for unpaid credit card bills, utility bills, immigration paper fees, etc, all amounting to $15,000 at least.
That huge sum, like the Philippines' debt to the world bank, is unimaginable even for me. The longer it stays unpaid, the higher the interest becomes.
I really don't see why she prefers it here. But it's her decision. I just hope she realizes that her personal decision may differ from mine. I did not choose to be here. I did not ask for this. Maybe I'm being obstinate. I know they just want what's best for us, that we have a fallback just in case. But what if we are not happy here? Even the rich people here are not happy.
What makes me happy is the hope of my impending return to the Philippines. It's coming soon, I just have to wait. The days are thankfully going by quickly. I've started packing my bags, buying pasalubong and stuff like that. It's a chore that reminds me of how close I am to going home.
I feel bad for my brother though, Because he's staying here longer. He has chosen to stay here with Mom to help her out, and also to help him adjust. Unlike me, he sees his future here in the US (being a nurse). I admire his strength. He is so much stronger than me and more understanding.
I love her so much, pero i have too many hang-ups with her. I don't think it's ever going to work out between the two of us. And so I have to go.