i ain't no hero
My niece and nephew came over and we had a nice family game of May I, which possibly was one of the most intense games I've played. We started out this time with four decks of cards instead of the usual two (we always have to add at least one more for the last hand anyway), so you'd think it would have been easier, but no. It's like, you KNOW there are FOUR copies of YOUR CARD in there somewhere - or in someone's hand - and yet it persists in not coming up when you need it. And I screwed up badly in one hand, aiming for a set and two sequences when the hand required two sets and a sequence. But it was a lot of fun, even if I didn't win a hand. I came in second in the end.
***
I've been doing a lot of thinking about feedback lately. It's always a dangerous topic to discuss, because everybody is weird about it, and nobody wants to startle or offend people into leaving less of it, or feeling obligated to leave it or any number of things that people feel weird about. But I guarantee you that at one point or another, something like 97%* of fan writers** have had some kind of freak-out over it - the number of comments, the types of comments, the people commenting or not commenting, etc. As many reasons as there are for fans to leave or not leave fb - and there are probably three times as many reasons as there are fans - same thing goes for reasons writers freak out about feedback. The thing is, unless you are one of a handful of truly lucky writers, even if you are in a very generous fandom writing a very popular pairing, there is always going to be someone with more fb than you. And I bet even those people who get, like, eight pages of fb on every story have their freak-outs and hang ups, too.
I don't really have a point except that I think most of us have felt that way at one time or another - not just, why didn't my story get more comments? but also, why did her story get more? and also, how come even though we share a fandom/pairing, my friends don't comment on my stories (but they comment on hers)? and also, how come I get one liners and she gets paragraphs? I could go on, but I think you get what I mean.
And here is the point where I automatically feel like I have to disclaim that this is not a plea for more feedback (though of course I really want people to read and love my stories, and to tell me all about it, and one line comments are always good by me), that I really, truly am grateful for what I get, which except when I am being emo and weird, I usually find pretty satisfying, even if I am crap at responding to it in a timely fashion.
I'm told there is a zen state where people don't have these freak outs, but I am still not sure I believe it exists for more than fleeting moments of time. Maybe someday I will get there for more than a week or two.
I guess what I really want to say is that part of the weirdness is that when you are having a freak out over it - and let's face it, most of us have at one point or another; writers are an often insecure and unstable lot - there's this unwritten rule that you can't talk about it, that people are going to think you're ungrateful or wanky or entitled, or that you don't appreciate what you do get, and they will be grossed out and never leave you comments ever again. You talk to friends over email and AIM and they assure you you don't suddenly suck, but that you have to manage your expectations and know your audience, and sometimes, even when a story is good (or better than good) you just don't get lucky, and there is absolutely no discernible reason why.
So you know, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we've (almost) all been there, and it sucks. Hopefully, next time will be better. Maybe we'll finally reach that zen state. In the meantime, have a cookie.***
--
*not a number supported by any science, but a conservative guess estimate
**also artists and vidders and episode recappers and other producers of fannish works
***thanks to oxoniensis for the screencap from SPN 4.01
***
***
I've been doing a lot of thinking about feedback lately. It's always a dangerous topic to discuss, because everybody is weird about it, and nobody wants to startle or offend people into leaving less of it, or feeling obligated to leave it or any number of things that people feel weird about. But I guarantee you that at one point or another, something like 97%* of fan writers** have had some kind of freak-out over it - the number of comments, the types of comments, the people commenting or not commenting, etc. As many reasons as there are for fans to leave or not leave fb - and there are probably three times as many reasons as there are fans - same thing goes for reasons writers freak out about feedback. The thing is, unless you are one of a handful of truly lucky writers, even if you are in a very generous fandom writing a very popular pairing, there is always going to be someone with more fb than you. And I bet even those people who get, like, eight pages of fb on every story have their freak-outs and hang ups, too.
I don't really have a point except that I think most of us have felt that way at one time or another - not just, why didn't my story get more comments? but also, why did her story get more? and also, how come even though we share a fandom/pairing, my friends don't comment on my stories (but they comment on hers)? and also, how come I get one liners and she gets paragraphs? I could go on, but I think you get what I mean.
And here is the point where I automatically feel like I have to disclaim that this is not a plea for more feedback (though of course I really want people to read and love my stories, and to tell me all about it, and one line comments are always good by me), that I really, truly am grateful for what I get, which except when I am being emo and weird, I usually find pretty satisfying, even if I am crap at responding to it in a timely fashion.
I'm told there is a zen state where people don't have these freak outs, but I am still not sure I believe it exists for more than fleeting moments of time. Maybe someday I will get there for more than a week or two.
I guess what I really want to say is that part of the weirdness is that when you are having a freak out over it - and let's face it, most of us have at one point or another; writers are an often insecure and unstable lot - there's this unwritten rule that you can't talk about it, that people are going to think you're ungrateful or wanky or entitled, or that you don't appreciate what you do get, and they will be grossed out and never leave you comments ever again. You talk to friends over email and AIM and they assure you you don't suddenly suck, but that you have to manage your expectations and know your audience, and sometimes, even when a story is good (or better than good) you just don't get lucky, and there is absolutely no discernible reason why.
So you know, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we've (almost) all been there, and it sucks. Hopefully, next time will be better. Maybe we'll finally reach that zen state. In the meantime, have a cookie.***
--
*not a number supported by any science, but a conservative guess estimate
**also artists and vidders and episode recappers and other producers of fannish works
***thanks to oxoniensis for the screencap from SPN 4.01
***