what you need to get the job done
1.
Okay, here is a thing I want you to do. I want you to think about your hair. What comes to mind? No, no, don't tell me, just think about it.
...
Okay, right there, stop.
You are not thinking of your lustrous locks of red-gold hair, or shimmering yet artfully disheveled ravens-wing tresses. I guaran-damn-tee it. Unless you are, like, Gilderoy Lockhart or something.
I'm gonna take a wild guess and think it goes something like this: huh, it's kinda frizzy, stupid humidity. or The ends are split. I need a hot oil treatment and a haircut. or It's too long and unmanageable; I should get it cut. or I just got it cut, and it looks really nice. or I just got it cut and I hate it! or These bangs look really stupid. Who thought that was a good idea? or I should let it grow out or Crap, will this stupid awkward length ever grow out? or I like/don't like the way this new shampoo/conditioner/gel smells/feels or My roots need touching up. or This color is too red/makes me look washed out/is just right. What the hell was it again?
Okay, I've just given you any number of statements that people (me, for one, at any point in the last 30 years) have actually thought about their own hair.
Characters are (fictional) people. Generally, they do not think in finely wrought literary phrases, let alone tired cliches like "the lustrous locks of her ravens-wing hair swung gently as she climbed down the stairs to answer the door." She - your narrator - might worry that whoever it is will see her with bedhead, with unwashed hair, with hair that is an unfortunate shade of green because she's dyed it too often. She might worry that whoever is at the door will judge her for any of those things, or hope they won't, or any endless number of things that work a thousand times better to limn character and forward your story than ridiculous descriptions. Especially in fanfic, where we all know what the characters look like already, so there's no need to describe them in minute detail. You say Dean Winchester, I know what he looks like.
***
2.
When you are next with a group of your friends, co-workers, or family members, look at them. When you do so, pay attention to how you think of and identify them. Right now, I am looking at D., R., and J. Collectively, I might think of them as "men," since they all are, or I might, in a business capacity, think of them as the "[blank] unit" which is how they might be referred to in our organizational chart, but mostly, I think of them and refer to them in conversation as D., R. and J. or via the pronoun "he." (Unless I am speaking to them, and then I use their name(s) or the pronoun "you".)
They are never "the taller man," "the older man," "the younger man," or "the dark-haired man."
And you know why that is? Because I know their names, and have for a while now. I certainly do not think of or refer to myself as the short, dark-haired, thirty-something woman when I tell a story about interacting with them.
There is no good reason your characters should refer to themselves or to the people they know like that. *holds hand palm out* No. Slash pronoun confusion is not a good reason.
***
3.
Contemplate your eyes.
No, no, we already talked about description. Think about the physicality of your eyes. They don't drop to the floor, or trail over someone else's body, because that would be really gross and painful. Eyes don't cling to each other. They don't lock in combat. (we will leave the awful dueling tongues out of this discussion, because that is just never a good idea. Unless you are going for parody.).
You roll your eyes, sure. You narrow them in anger and widen them in surprise (or to look innocent). You can eye someone suggestively, or give them a long appraising stare, or give them a quick once-over, but you shouldn't go around running your eyes up and down someone else's body. You don't know where that body's been! And your eyes are very delicate! You shouldn't be rubbing them up against someone while they're open.
You can leer or glare or gaze or stare - there are lots of great words for looking - or not looking - at someone. And yes, I realize that to a lot of people, phrasing like "she dropped her eyes to the floor" is generally acceptable, but I do not like it (or the imagery it conjures up), and I think there are better ways of saying it.
***
4.
I guess my point, and I do have one, is that you (generic) should think about the words you're using. Most importantly, think about whether the characters you're writing would use the words you're putting into their mouths - especially the character from whose point of view you are writing. If you really think Dean Winchester ever thinks of his brother as "the other man" or "the taller man" or "the dark-haired man," then I can't help you and I will probably find your stories grating. But if you don't, think about why you are ascribing those terms to him, and how to say what you want to say in a way that sounds more like Dean and less like someone who has never met Sam before in his life.
***
Here endeth the lesson.
***
I'm having a bit of a day. To give you an example, I opened a cabinet a little while ago and was attacked by flying plastic cutlery. So I might be a little cranky.
***
Okay, here is a thing I want you to do. I want you to think about your hair. What comes to mind? No, no, don't tell me, just think about it.
...
Okay, right there, stop.
You are not thinking of your lustrous locks of red-gold hair, or shimmering yet artfully disheveled ravens-wing tresses. I guaran-damn-tee it. Unless you are, like, Gilderoy Lockhart or something.
I'm gonna take a wild guess and think it goes something like this: huh, it's kinda frizzy, stupid humidity. or The ends are split. I need a hot oil treatment and a haircut. or It's too long and unmanageable; I should get it cut. or I just got it cut, and it looks really nice. or I just got it cut and I hate it! or These bangs look really stupid. Who thought that was a good idea? or I should let it grow out or Crap, will this stupid awkward length ever grow out? or I like/don't like the way this new shampoo/conditioner/gel smells/feels or My roots need touching up. or This color is too red/makes me look washed out/is just right. What the hell was it again?
Okay, I've just given you any number of statements that people (me, for one, at any point in the last 30 years) have actually thought about their own hair.
Characters are (fictional) people. Generally, they do not think in finely wrought literary phrases, let alone tired cliches like "the lustrous locks of her ravens-wing hair swung gently as she climbed down the stairs to answer the door." She - your narrator - might worry that whoever it is will see her with bedhead, with unwashed hair, with hair that is an unfortunate shade of green because she's dyed it too often. She might worry that whoever is at the door will judge her for any of those things, or hope they won't, or any endless number of things that work a thousand times better to limn character and forward your story than ridiculous descriptions. Especially in fanfic, where we all know what the characters look like already, so there's no need to describe them in minute detail. You say Dean Winchester, I know what he looks like.
***
2.
When you are next with a group of your friends, co-workers, or family members, look at them. When you do so, pay attention to how you think of and identify them. Right now, I am looking at D., R., and J. Collectively, I might think of them as "men," since they all are, or I might, in a business capacity, think of them as the "[blank] unit" which is how they might be referred to in our organizational chart, but mostly, I think of them and refer to them in conversation as D., R. and J. or via the pronoun "he." (Unless I am speaking to them, and then I use their name(s) or the pronoun "you".)
They are never "the taller man," "the older man," "the younger man," or "the dark-haired man."
And you know why that is? Because I know their names, and have for a while now. I certainly do not think of or refer to myself as the short, dark-haired, thirty-something woman when I tell a story about interacting with them.
There is no good reason your characters should refer to themselves or to the people they know like that. *holds hand palm out* No. Slash pronoun confusion is not a good reason.
***
3.
Contemplate your eyes.
No, no, we already talked about description. Think about the physicality of your eyes. They don't drop to the floor, or trail over someone else's body, because that would be really gross and painful. Eyes don't cling to each other. They don't lock in combat. (we will leave the awful dueling tongues out of this discussion, because that is just never a good idea. Unless you are going for parody.).
You roll your eyes, sure. You narrow them in anger and widen them in surprise (or to look innocent). You can eye someone suggestively, or give them a long appraising stare, or give them a quick once-over, but you shouldn't go around running your eyes up and down someone else's body. You don't know where that body's been! And your eyes are very delicate! You shouldn't be rubbing them up against someone while they're open.
You can leer or glare or gaze or stare - there are lots of great words for looking - or not looking - at someone. And yes, I realize that to a lot of people, phrasing like "she dropped her eyes to the floor" is generally acceptable, but I do not like it (or the imagery it conjures up), and I think there are better ways of saying it.
***
4.
I guess my point, and I do have one, is that you (generic) should think about the words you're using. Most importantly, think about whether the characters you're writing would use the words you're putting into their mouths - especially the character from whose point of view you are writing. If you really think Dean Winchester ever thinks of his brother as "the other man" or "the taller man" or "the dark-haired man," then I can't help you and I will probably find your stories grating. But if you don't, think about why you are ascribing those terms to him, and how to say what you want to say in a way that sounds more like Dean and less like someone who has never met Sam before in his life.
***
Here endeth the lesson.
***
I'm having a bit of a day. To give you an example, I opened a cabinet a little while ago and was attacked by flying plastic cutlery. So I might be a little cranky.
***