what you want at the price you need
So I was writing yesterday and yet again, in a story I was pretty sure was gen, I had to be like, "boys, no! You can't make out right now!"
That happened three or four times in my summergen story, where I was like, "hi, it's called summerGEN so you CANNOT be making with the smoochies here. Don't make me hose you down!" (And the funny thing is that a couple of people who read it were like, "Wow, I totally thought they were going to start making out a couple of times." and I was like, "I KNOW!" So um, possibly you will now be able to guess my summergen story. *cough*)
I mean, this story I'm writing now isn't necessarily gen? I just...don't know? The time was not right for kissing, though, for reasons that will become clear when I post the story. That doesn't mean there won't be kissing later on, though the story is not about that. Which means there probably won't be. But there could be! I don't know yet.
It never ceases to amaze and amuse (and bemuse) me that when I set out to write wincest, I find it difficult*, but at least half the time, my gen wants to be wincest (and even when it isn't, it's generally pretty vibey). Which, I guess, is kinda just like the show. I mean, I don't think it really is sexual so much as it's just an incredible amount of love and tension that expresses itself in a lot of touching that, in fanfic, gets out of hand. As it does. Um.
Because I really don't like it when it's romantic or boyfriendy or all about how hot and sexy they find each other, but when it's just, you know, there, like the living out of the car and the brushing their teeth together - that's when it makes sense to me. Not as some hearts and flowers romance with epiphanies and starry eyes, so much as just an acknowledgment that things are fucked up and all they have is each other, and in the end, they're okay with that.
One of the reasons I don't ship them, I think, probably the main reason, is because I really dislike the isolation a lot of the more romantic stories enforce on them. I mean, they are pretty isolated in canon (which irritates me sometimes), and I don't find them giving up hunting and raising vegetables at some remote cabin a happy ending. I don't like them having nothing and nobody else around, and I don't think it's happy or healthy. I think ANY relationship that is that codependent is doomed to breed resentment and unhappiness. They need to have friends more than anything, people who aren't each other to hang out with once in a while and blow off steam (and no, Bobby is not enough), and that is why a lot of OTP-type wincest just makes me back away (and why I don't even generally read wincest PWPs) - because it lacks that. (It doesn't have to actually be in the story explicitly - it just has to be acknowledged that they've built a support network of some sort.) I want them on the road, saving people! hunting things! the family business! That is what makes my heart happy.
I need the emo part of the emoporn equation more than I need the porn part, in this fandom, and often, really good gen will provide it, sometimes in ways wincest doesn't, oddly enough. Because I've also found quite a bit of wincest that privileges the sexual part of the relationship over the brotherly part, and I am not interested in that.
If I want straight up hot porn, I'll find Dean/girl stories to read (or I'll write some myself), or I'll look in a different fandom.
Which brings me to something else I've noticed - I have a fairly large backlog of SPN fic to read, mostly because I have to brace myself emotionally for it these days, whereas I can read Iron Man or Bones or whatever without that same emotional investment, without that same fear of something going terribly wrong and having to scurry away quickly. And often, with any fandom and most fic, it's when the sex starts that things go horribly wrong, so wincest is doubly fraught for me right now (though the gen is still pretty fraught, I have to admit).
Sigh.
Now I have to go back to performing AMAZING FEATS OF SCHEDULING. Stupid work.
--
*with the obvious exception of when Sam is a girl. *cough*
~*~
That happened three or four times in my summergen story, where I was like, "hi, it's called summerGEN so you CANNOT be making with the smoochies here. Don't make me hose you down!" (And the funny thing is that a couple of people who read it were like, "Wow, I totally thought they were going to start making out a couple of times." and I was like, "I KNOW!" So um, possibly you will now be able to guess my summergen story. *cough*)
I mean, this story I'm writing now isn't necessarily gen? I just...don't know? The time was not right for kissing, though, for reasons that will become clear when I post the story. That doesn't mean there won't be kissing later on, though the story is not about that. Which means there probably won't be. But there could be! I don't know yet.
It never ceases to amaze and amuse (and bemuse) me that when I set out to write wincest, I find it difficult*, but at least half the time, my gen wants to be wincest (and even when it isn't, it's generally pretty vibey). Which, I guess, is kinda just like the show. I mean, I don't think it really is sexual so much as it's just an incredible amount of love and tension that expresses itself in a lot of touching that, in fanfic, gets out of hand. As it does. Um.
Because I really don't like it when it's romantic or boyfriendy or all about how hot and sexy they find each other, but when it's just, you know, there, like the living out of the car and the brushing their teeth together - that's when it makes sense to me. Not as some hearts and flowers romance with epiphanies and starry eyes, so much as just an acknowledgment that things are fucked up and all they have is each other, and in the end, they're okay with that.
One of the reasons I don't ship them, I think, probably the main reason, is because I really dislike the isolation a lot of the more romantic stories enforce on them. I mean, they are pretty isolated in canon (which irritates me sometimes), and I don't find them giving up hunting and raising vegetables at some remote cabin a happy ending. I don't like them having nothing and nobody else around, and I don't think it's happy or healthy. I think ANY relationship that is that codependent is doomed to breed resentment and unhappiness. They need to have friends more than anything, people who aren't each other to hang out with once in a while and blow off steam (and no, Bobby is not enough), and that is why a lot of OTP-type wincest just makes me back away (and why I don't even generally read wincest PWPs) - because it lacks that. (It doesn't have to actually be in the story explicitly - it just has to be acknowledged that they've built a support network of some sort.) I want them on the road, saving people! hunting things! the family business! That is what makes my heart happy.
I need the emo part of the emoporn equation more than I need the porn part, in this fandom, and often, really good gen will provide it, sometimes in ways wincest doesn't, oddly enough. Because I've also found quite a bit of wincest that privileges the sexual part of the relationship over the brotherly part, and I am not interested in that.
If I want straight up hot porn, I'll find Dean/girl stories to read (or I'll write some myself), or I'll look in a different fandom.
Which brings me to something else I've noticed - I have a fairly large backlog of SPN fic to read, mostly because I have to brace myself emotionally for it these days, whereas I can read Iron Man or Bones or whatever without that same emotional investment, without that same fear of something going terribly wrong and having to scurry away quickly. And often, with any fandom and most fic, it's when the sex starts that things go horribly wrong, so wincest is doubly fraught for me right now (though the gen is still pretty fraught, I have to admit).
Sigh.
Now I have to go back to performing AMAZING FEATS OF SCHEDULING. Stupid work.
--
*with the obvious exception of when Sam is a girl. *cough*
~*~